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Hello, my name is Connor

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by ConnorReid7, Jul 25, 2016.

  1. ConnorReid7

    ConnorReid7 Fapstronaut

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    Hello there, my name is Connor and I have just recently turned 21 years old. I am a student at Kent State University and I am soon to be a senior. I have never had a girlfriend and I am a virgin (embarrassing I know) but actually I don't think that's too uncommon. I have about as much dating experience as a 7th grader. To make matters worse, all of my friends (male and female) see me as a bit of a Fonz type and that I have slept with multiple women. I have not shared any of this information with my peers and lie to most people about my virginity (only a couple of my friends know after I lied to them for a while too and guess what, they didn't care). I sometimes do actually believe that I am a virgin by choice and I'm doing more now to focus on other areas of my life to feel more confident in myself. I would say I stared masturbating i.e frogging my blanket, when I was 4 years old. 4. To make matters worse, I grew up in a family when I wasn't around other children much so and was bullied and teased when I switched schools in junior high so dating real girls seemed like a bit of a pipe dream. This is when jacking off became an integral part of my life. There would be days where I'd whack it close to 10 times. During this time, I also developed social anxiety, depression, and inferiority complex, OCD, you name it, I have it. I'm getting a bit better with these medical conditions since I have been seeking therapy though. High school was BRUTAL. I didn't even have real friends until my senior year. Due to my sometimes crippling social anxiety, I didn't even ask a girl to go to my school dances because of shyness. So what did I do instead, you got it. I'm now a senior in college and still terrified to ask girls on dates and there are days where i masturbate and watch porn often, though I would say not nearly as much. I haven't joined NoFap for sympathy or dating advice, but I want to feel a part of an organization where others have seen my pain. I'm beginning to realize my "problem" is like a drug that I'm not able to turn off subconsciously sometimes. I'm a procrastinator and it seems that the times I masturbate the most is in between when I have work to do, not at an actual job but when I'm studying, typing e-mails, etc. As you guys can understand, sex is and always on my mind and it takes away from my functions in everyday life. I've come to the realization that my masturbation is more than just a relief, but something that is almost on instinct and a place I go to when I'm stressed out and dealing with everyday life. I've joined NoFap to feel like I'm a part of a community with other people who understand where I'm coming from and possibly relate to other sexually frustrated and socially anxious males who are in my age group. I want to commit to a long streak of not masturbating so I can focus on the daily grind of life, feel better about myself, combat my social anxiety, and gradually go out on dates, find and understand girl, and finally lose my V-card (which I understand isn't the holy grail I've built it up to be in my head). I'm excited to join this community and please message me back so I can make new friends:)
     
    yousuff, Catalinu and J. Aubrey like this.
  2. ConnorReid7

    ConnorReid7 Fapstronaut

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  3. WinchesterSeb

    WinchesterSeb Fapstronaut

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    Welcome, bro!

    Don't feel embarrassed about being a virgin. Absolutely every single person's experience of the world and sex is different and valid. When I was 21 I was in the third year of a relationship that I really shouldn't have been in. I definitely wasn't a virgin but I could have made better choices and had more/less/better sex. Whatever. It's all part of what makes me me. The same with PMO: you will deal with it for your own reasons, in your own way, with your own self-will, and it'll be part of your life story. We'll all cheer you along: happy days lie ahead.

    PS: I know there's an irony in it, but pretty cool to be seen as the Fonz. Everybody loves the Fonz!

    ~Seb
     
  4. ConnorReid7

    ConnorReid7 Fapstronaut

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    Hello WinchesterSeb, thanks for the greetings. You know it's strange the first day I posted something to NoFap something almost life-changing happened today and I hope a lot of the people here see this. This has been an absolutely painful summer for me. I've been fired from my job, bitched out by my parents constantly (I'm home from school for the summer), have seen therapists (none of which have done much), been taking antidepressants, and have hardly had the motivation to get out of bed sometimes. I have worried so much about being a damn virgin and never having a girlfriend that it's taken over my brain (I attribute this to the OCD, not the fact that I haven't had sex yet). I have pretty much convinced myself that I'm a loser and I'm just going to jack off the rest of my life.
    Well, I got hired at a different job today and I had my internship for my major at school and there's this hotass milf that works at the station. I've masturbated to the thought of her though I haven't jacked off today:) She gave me a hug and I told her I was leaving and she offered to walk out with me. She filled me in on all the anxiety that she had been going through and it was like we were almost the same person. She offered to smoke pot with me in her car and drive around (I couldn't believe it this lady is like 37) and I opened up to her about my own anxieties and I told her that I never really fit in school and I'm still a virgin. Will women see it as a turnoff that I have as much experience as a fourth grader? She said absolutely not. She actually thought it was really cool. She said that she would even fuck my brains out if she wasn't married. Wow. Then, something even weirder happened. I had a panic attack. This was the first time that I had smoked weed in about a month (probably won't do that again) and the thought of getting intimate really freaked me out. Does this mean I'm asexual or gay? I had to get out of the car and I was about to puke in the street. I think looking back I realized that I'm actually in heat and I'm just scared to death. I think it could have been attributed to the drugs too. I thought this lady was going to drive away and call me the biggest freak she had ever seen. Actually, she said you're a really sweet and sensitive guy and I've gone through stuff like this before. She said, think if you finally lose your virginity to your wife on your wedding day. She also said that it's not as big of a deal as you think it is and you can probably tell one of your female friends and she'll probably offer to help you out.
    She told me that she has a hot younger sister whose like 25 who would actually tear me up and would really be interested in getting to know me. I'm not sure where to go from here but we'll see if we click or if I even meet her. I hope to because I'm a really friendly person and my curiosity is about at it's peak now. This lady was so great it was like the first time I had actually come clean to a woman about my experiences, except my mother, she knew this shit was stressing me out. I even asked to make out with her and she said she would but she's married. It was the best rejection I've ever gotten. I didn't feel so alone anymore and, even though I didn't have it but possibly could be soon, sex doesn't seem like the end of the world to me anymore. If I'm a virgin until I'm 25, then so be it. This experience also led me to call some of my friends and unfold the lie about my virginity and they were perfectly accepting and thought the story was pretty hilarious.
    I've come to the realization that I have way deeper issues and anxieties that I'm facing instead of not getting laid. I have many anxiety issues and depression and I still feel these things even when I'm not focused on sex. It's interfered with my work and social life lately. I've barely been able to hold a job and there's day where I won't communicate with anyone on my cell phone. Luckily, I'm starting what's called cognitive behavioral therapy tomorrow on my dad's insurance and we'll see where it goes from there. I'm really just ready to go back up to school and see my friends (male and female) and to have a good senior year. Getting laid is on the back of my mind right now. Also, I plan to be open with women when I finally decide to start dating (really I feel like I just haven't found a great girl yet because I don't have all that many friends back home where I live, but I have tried a bit harder to get out there.). If some woman rejects me for that, than that's her problem. One of my friends on the phone today told me, if you went to the ER this summer thinking about killing yourself (which did happen), getting laid should be on the back of your mind. You're 21 YEARS OLD. That's pretty much the same thing the hotass milf told me today. I'm not trying to be degrading when I call her but it was a porn watcher's dream minus the porn lol. If felt so good to open up to people about my sex life and insecurities around it and not talk about like I had just murdered somebody. It doesn't mean shit. Maybe the woman I end up with will also be a virgin and that would be phenomenal. I felt way better about myself and I'm happy to be a new member of NoFap. Something like this lucky event today changed my perspective and I don't really even feel the need to masturbate. I apologize if I don't post a whole lot of things for a while but I'm feeling pretty confident in my will power not to masturbate and to worry about other shit. I hope you guys get a kick out of my story and anyone can feel free to respond. As the late Scott Weiland from Stone Temple Pilots would say, I AM SMELLING LIKE A ROSE THAT SOMEBODY GAVE ME ON A BIRTHDAY DEATH BED. I'm sure the other nerds on this site will understand that reference lol. For whatever reason, I feel like, in a strange way, if I didn't open up my NoFap account, something like this may not have happened lol. I'm also keeping a piece of notebook paper on my desk that I plan to tally with each day I make it. I'm excited to put a big number 1 on before I go to bed. (and keep it there).
     
  5. J. Aubrey

    J. Aubrey Fapstronaut

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    Hey Connor,

    I just joined too, and I can empathise with your experience. I too was a virgin until literally a month ago (so until the age of 22). I never figured it was an issue, since I've always been able to kiss a girl on a night out, had friends that were girls etc. But my absolute reliance on porn since 15, and later explicit accounts on twitter and recently omegle, completely f*cked up my brain.

    Long story short, found it hard/unexciting being intimate with girls (which I excused as being down to drunkenness or whatever). Only when this continued to affect my relationship with my (still!) girlfriend did I realise I needed to look within myself and make a change. I've found it such a struggle staying away from porn/explicit stuff. For such a long time I've felt varying degrees of lack of self-worth, guilt over relapsing etc.

    I tangle with Palmela Handleson less than I used to (enabling me to lose my V plates)- but I've relapsed a few times. Hoping finding this site will give me strength.

    All the best on your journey man.
     
  6. ConnorReid7

    ConnorReid7 Fapstronaut

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    Well thank you for your response. I guess the issue in my head isn't really the virgin thing, like you said, it's my social anxiety and lack of dating experience with women. I'm afraid to explain to them that I'm absolutely terrified of them, but at the same time I'm not getting any younger. I've had an awful summer trying to work jobs and not being very social while I'm home for the summer. It sucks, and I still use masturbation as a sense of relief, even when I say I'm not going to do it. I do have many girls has friends who I've kissed and stuff like that but I'm still gun shy to admit my inexperience to them. I'm doing my best to focus on other things like getting therapy to make myself feel better and trying to do my best at work to feel more confident, but I can't help but feel like I'm getting too old to never have had a girlfriend or be in love. I'm always told that sort of thing comes when you're not looking, but how can I not be worried about it? I know the answer is to enjoy my life and hope but I'm really starting to worry that my anxiety is going to drive me to being alone and living with cats for the rest of my life. I'm a very nice, caring, and friendly person I just have a disorder where I worry myself silly about everything and my self esteem is quite low. None of my friends who are male or female know this about me either, because, on the surface, I seem like a very sociable person. I know there's a good woman out there for me, I just want to do my best to committ to NoFap and get sex out of my brain.
     
  7. J. Aubrey

    J. Aubrey Fapstronaut

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    Wow- gotta say I went through a lot of similar feelings/experiences to you. Went through teenage years getting with the odd girl, having friends that were girls and generally being social, but never making it past that level of intimacy. I always figured sex would just "happen" sometime, no big deal- all the while slowly getting addicted to porn without realising it.
    So when I did get hot and heavy with a couple of girls at uni, I was unexcited, unaroused, and felt low self-esteem, guilt and shame because of it- all contributing to increased porn dependence. Just like you, I started to worry about if I would ever lose my virginity, if I was a weirdo, etc. It's kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy (thanks sociology A level)- maybe it wasn't an issue in the first place, but by worrying about it and getting REALLY anxious about it, it became a problem.

    However, when I did start seeing a girl 7-ish months ago I really liked- when I went back to hers the first time I told her I was a virgin. And guess what- she was cool with it. The only time she's ever thought about ending our relationship? When I avoided staying round hers. Because after the first couple of times I slept round I couldn't get "into it", and was so ashamed and anxious about f*cking up again, I just avoided the situation. Unsurprisingly she was confused/hurt. So- what did I do? I was honest. I said the reason I hadn't come round because I was really really anxious etc. Did she freak out, or call me a loser? Nope. She appreciated me being honest and taking responsibility, if anything it made us closer, and she was totally cool with taking things slowly (very ironic role reversal in a normal relationship dynamic).

    And, weeks later, my anxiety is reduced because I feel comfortable. I've cut down my porn dependency- a number of relapses, but that was prior to finding this site (yesterday). And, seeing everyone's messages and stories, I'm confident I can beat this. Truly, it would have been so hard to make excuses for myself and feel good about beating my addiction if I wasn't honest with myself, and her. Honesty breeds understanding, understanding facilitates support. And with support you can do anything. Admittedly I'm very lucky to find someone I feel that comfortable with- but she's not unique in being a nice/understanding girl (don't tell her I said that lol), and your problems aren't unique to you, as this forum demonstrates. You're not alone in this man.
     
  8. ConnorReid7

    ConnorReid7 Fapstronaut

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    Well J. Aubrey, thanks for responding again. I reached some level ground with my therapist today. I've been diagnosed with Generic Anxiety Disorder and I've got my work cut out for me. My entire life, I've turned to laying in bed and masturbating and recently doing drugs because I've been depressed about my own life and afraid to face the real thing. I contribute a lot of my fear of rejection to my condition. If a girl doesn't like me because I'm inexperienced, then who cares? She also told me that something like this is normally a lot bigger deal to males than it is to females, I would have to agree. I was sobbing on my drive home because I realize she had hit the nail on the head. I have put losing my virginity and finding a girlfriend so high on my to-do list that it's causing me to masturbate or smoke copious amounts of weed to fill the void. It also didn't help that my dad was overbearing and a womanizer growing up and has continued to question why I don't have a girlfriend. I'm a sensitive man as it is so I feel like I'm in a bit of a hurry just to show the family that I can find a woman. But, I'm still quite young and so were you when you finally lost it. My therapist, I picked a female on purpose, read that my sensitivity is quite admirable. I'm not after sex at all, I want to find love. However, staying at home and jacking off and feeling sorry for myself isn't exactly helping that. She recommended that I continue to feel good about myself and overcome anxieties I have and find other techniques to deal with stress or boredom than jacking off or smoking pot. It would also be best to live on my time schedule and not my dad's. It's been a pretty moving week for sure lol. I know if it's love I want, than I'll find it and I have to stop looking so hard. I certainly don't feel like my time is running out because the answer is, there is no right time to lose your virginity, it is up to the individual. Do I sometimes get worried that I will never end up with someone because of my anxieties? Absolutely. I don't know if you're the religious type or not but I'm putting my faith in God that my morality and, rather it was intentional or not, chastity will be rewarded in the long run. I am a very loving and sensitive person and I'm starting to believe I want to save my sex until my wedding night. I'm such a sap right lol? Anyway, I want to say, whether your views on sex or virginity are the same as mine or not (and the same goes for anyone else seeing the post), by masturbating and watching so much porn (which I understand is a brutal addiction and I'm not one to point fingers because I'm obviously guilty of it myself), you are only cheating yourself, not other women. My therapist said if you are afraid that you're never going to find someone and not just worried about having sex, then you're GOING TO FIND SOMEONE. I couldn't agree more. I've turned to jacking off all the time as a means of dealing with my shitty, anxiety-ridden life since I was 8 years old. It's time to find other more productive things to do and feel like a human being. No one on the street is going to know how much sex I am or am not having. This is going to be VERY DIFFICULT because I've been spanking the monkey ever since I can remember. But, I'm committed to abstaining from what's truly hurting myself and I'm happy that I've found NoFap and other people who can relate to what I've gone through.
     
  9. ConnorReid7

    ConnorReid7 Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys, I'm pretty new here, this is only my third day to the program. I know I've posted things about my confidence in being able to get with the program, but I found my self masturbating twice today (however not to porn). Anybody else have trouble getting started?
     
  10. itornael

    itornael Fapstronaut

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    Look at the eagle's face
     

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