Rebooting for love.

I am the wife of a porn addict and i may not be much help to ya with abstaining but I can support ya and give you a little insight on loving an addict First you came to the right place, I'm still new and I have learned a lot. I have trust issues because of the denial and constant lies. So you have to understand why she doesn't trust you and how to earn it back. In my opinion, if you talk to her about your plan to change, why your changing and tell her you need her support. Talk to her about how this is going, any worries, struggles and keep her informed without her having to ask. We women love communication. A lot of men are only give one word answers and we have to ask a million more questions just to get a somewhat complete answer! Ask her what she NEEDS FROM YOU. Tell her you are willing to work for her trust again and ask what she needs you to do to get it.
Honesty Communication Honesty!!! Good Luck

 

I agree talk openly. do not lie in any circumstance. I'm still having to stop myself from lying. even the miniscule lie will break things. my wife jeeps telling me action speaks louder than words. take initiative in your recovery. show her that you mean business. I made a realization the other day about being faithful. in my mind I have never cheated on any relationships. but that has been a lie. watching porn and masturbating is the same as cheating. it cuts even deeper. I'm a slow learner but I'm on the right path. talk about it. learn your triggers. and try fanos. great exercise for you and you significant other. good luck. you can do this.

 

I believe being truthful as long as its done in a calm and positive way it will work out as everyone has problems with self medication to deal with life.
But PMO is more addictive than nicotine or alcohol and destroys relationships if not addressed in my opinion now after admitting to being a addict until yesterday.
Our minds are just after too much candy that is free and available but your partner is more important as she is real.
Good luck we all need it .

 

Thanks a lot for that reply chefbass what is fanos?

 

it is the best thing since sliced bread... gave me and my wife hope that we can overcome this. best of luck and work hard. read. listen to podcasts. educate yourself on this disease. the more power we have to overcome it. the easier it will be

 

Thankyou chefbass very good advice

 

I'll tell you, I've never told my wife ever about this. The only time I ever mentioned porn to her, was on our way to our wedding (destinaturn wedding a couple days before). I told her "you know I've watched porn right?" She brushed it off and I let it be.

I use to resent her sexually but what I wanted wasn't even real. After near 20 years of pmo I grew up on it, daily I pmod it was all I ever knew. I thought certain acts would feel a certain way and when she did them, it didn't live up to the hype my mind created so i thought something was wrong with her. It was ALL me.

Quitting strengthened our relationship. It changed how I saw the world and it helped me REALLY be part of the team that was us. It's nice to be able to look at her in a new light.

 

She never had a chance when you were deep into your addiction. I'm glad you stopped @Hotshot

 

You are now on the right track. Your wife needs to know you are doing this for yourself, as much as it is for her too. Make sure you read up on and understand this addiction fully and all of the ways it has affected you and your relationship so that you can recognize why you have become addicted and be able to recognize what your triggers are so you can avoid and overcome them.

Honesty is the best thing you can do to show your wife that you are taking this seriously. Focus on your wife in any way you can. Find ways to express how you feel about her, from daily activities with her, focused conversations, household chores, romantic dinners, write her letters, and anything else that will keep yourself moving forward with her. She needs to feel loved and admired by you.

FANOS is a wonderful tool to practice intimacy and to get through tough communication. It becomes easier as you dedicate yourself to using this tool. It is amazing how much closer you both will feel. Communication is lost to this addiction and must be fixed.
Good luck!

 

Very good points there