Counters...yay or nay?

I use a Counter App on my celphone it's called "Day Counter". It marks the number of days that have passed since my last PMO and how many days until I reach a certain goal. I've set it to mark how long until day 15 (when in my case the flatline kicks in), day 30 (one month completed), day 40, day 60, day 80 and day 90 (hopefully reset). I will not be doing Hard Mode since i'm in a relationship and I fear this might be a set back, any one here has had sex during NoFap and wish to comment on this? Anyway I like counters, it gives you some sense of progress while doing NoFap.

 

I loved the counter when I did NoFap first. Now i prefer not having one. I do think a different system for supporting people with their reboots could be put in place. There is too much fear of fapping to get the results we want. Check: http://www.NoFap.com/forum/index.ph...his-especially-if-you-are-new-to-NoFap.69972/

 

Yes this is very clear. There could be a weaning off process but at some stage the person will have to go for the full reboot. After reboot if you want to keep it going a more relaxed approach is needed where we are not always pushing against ourselves. This requires a command over our urges where we are not so afraid of them but at the same time don't indulge in them.

 

I've decided upon a small date in the lower corner of the sig, to 1) stay accountable and 2) not keep a focus on the days. Focusing on the larger picture of recovery and not attaching to counting days is the way I decided works best, great thread here that breaks down the counters and spreadsheets:

http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=15558.0

"Counters vs Spreadsheets

The following advice is aimed particularly towards those members who are having trouble getting a good run. If you're already doing good, you can skip this section.

Ok, here's the thing:

There is a sickening obsession with long streaks on this forum.

People like counters because supposedly they are helpful for tracking progress.

Well, guess what? Spreadsheets do a much better job at that.

There's a reason why I'm so stubborn with this anti-counter thing.

They are dangerous, destructive, counterproductive.

Counters reinforce the idea of being "back to zero" every time you relapse, making it way more justifiable to binge before starting over again. Not only that, but you completely lose track of how many times you're actually masturbating. They don't show the whole picture. There is absolutely no way to measure your progress at all. It's a never ending cycle of abstaining for a few days and then going back to zero.

Every time you reset your counter you become increasingly discouraged and unmotivated.

There's too much emphasis on what day you're on, NoFap challenges (there are currently 7 NoFap challenges running, it's ridiculous), 90 days, 100 days, etc.

If you're consistently unable to get past XX days and you're always in the low numbers, then your counter has lost its purpose.

Counters are only good when you've managed a good run, because this gives you a sense of accomplishment and provides sufficient accountability to actually prevent relapses sometimes.

Now, let's talk about spreadsheets, particularly Darxidius' format, which I'm a HUGE fan of.

This is why they're so fucking awesome:

- They keep your addiction under control: By keeping track of how many times you're actually masturbating and having orgasms, you will be forced to keep it in the low numbers. If you relapse, the spreadsheet will discourage you to binge, especially when you're sharing it with the forum. A good rule of thumb is to try to keep your orgasm count to less than 5 per month.

- They allow you to see the full picture. In gameover's words: "You don't realise how you forget over a month how many times you actually masturbate, peek, pmo or orgasm until you have it in front of you. I thought i was well under 3-4 orgasms a month but I have been up around 6-7 and this month was no better." You'll be surprised at how many times you're actually fapping.

- They completely eliminate the "counting" factor. All you have to do is keep it as clean as you can. Pretty cool eh? No more counting, no more 90 day goals, no more fap challenges. After all, we're trying to quit porn for life, not just 100 days or whatever.

- They will never discourage you. If you do relapse, you input it on the spreadsheet and move on. You don't make a new thread called "Relapsed again" or "Not making any progress". Trust me, if you went from fapping 25 times per month to 2-3 times per month, you're making huge progress, even if your counter only says "6 days".

Spreadsheets are NOT a taper off approach, of course. The goal should always be to never watch porn, to be as clean as you can, to take it one day at a time.

Tapering off, as in "I watched porn 20 times last month, so I'll watch it 15 times this month", will never work. You should never think like this. You should never give yourself the green light to PMO.

Ideally, you should replace your counter with a spreadsheet and completely forget about what day you're on. Then, if you do manage to get on a good run, you can put your counter back up for accountability and motivational purposes.

However, I understand many people here are in love with their counters.

They look pretty.

They are fancy.

I get it, I get it.

So this is what I propose:

(Once again, this ONLY applies to people who are struggling. If you're already on day 70 or whatever then don't change anything, but consider using a spreadsheet if you do end up relapsing.)

Set up your signature so that it can show BOTH a counter and a spreadsheet.

It would look something like this:



This way you would be getting the best of both worlds.

How hard can that be?

Here's how you can incorporate it in your signature IMMEDIATELY:

Step #1: Log in to your Google account.

Step #2: Open Darxidius' spreadsheet here.

Step #3: Go to File->Make a Copy and give it a name

Step #4: Go to Share in the upper right corner and change it from 'Private' to 'Anyone with a link'.

Step #5: Add the following code to your forum signature (make sure you replace 'SPREADSHEET_LINK' with your actual spreadsheet link):

Code: Darxidius' format. I've seen many people use their own version of spreadsheets, but there is a huge advantage of seeing the graphical representation of green cells.

It's very motivating."

 

I think overall, it's what works for you.

For me at this time, the counters have been very helpful. But yes I can see what you're talking about. It's a very simple tool and it doesn't really measure certain progress. For example, I have more progress than is reflected in my current counter.

On the other hand, I've reviewed your spreadsheet and it is a much more complicated way to review your progress. I'm kind of confused by it actually.

I can see how some could get into a rut with the counters though. At times in the past, the counter might not have been as effective for me if I had known about them and used them.

I think a better standard tool than the counter would be nice. But I'm also very glad for the counter tool and I think the counter, this forum and journalling have no doubt helped me.

 

When you join NoFap you may not be able to stop MOing for 90 days end of story. You can use a spreadsheet and it will keep a detailed track of this without making you feel guilty that you have failed. Some will prefer spreadsheets whereas others will prefer counters. 90days is a great target to reach but we need other indicators of whether someone is rebooted or not. Just forcing yourself not to masturbate may not be a reboot. As was said above we want it to be a long term thing. Will power alone is not enough.

 

Spreadsheets are good if you are more addicted to P. It gives you a good sense of when did you fail last time. You can always make a more detailed personal spreadsheet writing down reasons of the reset, what were the triggers, do detailed analysis based on the data, make charts, create and use KPIs and what not. That's the beauty of spreadsheets. Can be very helpful for addicts who wants to identify and find root causes. But I think it really doesn't matter as counter obsession is equally powerful and helpful in creating long streaks. I do a lot of office work on spreadsheets so its kind of boring for me, I find counter very exciting. I even have it on my phone. Its a matter of personal choice.

 

Hey man, I have an app called Goal Tracker its really simple, you either have a red X or blue check mark and you can manually check. The biggest thing is you can look back months at a time and see where you relapsed so i drawed a pattern i would most likely fap friday and sunday if i would relapse so I stay extra busy those days.
Godbless you
32 days In!!

 

Great way to keep track and for a quick inspiration. Don't get too obsess over it. No more no less.