"The One"

Many people have stated that when they see a person they know that's the one for them. They say it's like you've saw them before and feel emotionally and spiritually connected to them when you lay eyes on them. This is why people say "I knew they were meant for me when I saw them." Do you believe that you will know who you are meant to be with when you see them or do you believe you have to be friends first then eventually you will know if they are meant to be with you?

 

There is 'infatuation at first sight'. But there is much more to love than what can be seen. People fool themselves, haha!

 

No. I don't believe in The One. Doesn't make sense. First and foremost we are constantly evolving individuals. What may seem great now may not be down the road and vice versa. But I do know and sure of that there are many people who we are attracted to and connect with. Some more than others. Yet that is not fixed and it is static.

 

I've always loved the idea of the one. Ever since I was a child, the dream of being with the one throughout my days were lit inside my mind. The idea that I could be that dedicated to a single person and have them be so faithful to me, is as close to a divine feeling a mortal being like us can feel on earth. Since it's only one person, there's nothing you won't try with them and there's no chance of being judged because the moment you fell for them, you gave permission for half of your heart to walk outside of yourself. It can be a great source of inspiration to live life and if you achieve this love, my best wishes to you. But, if you're anything like me, I've had many "the one" crushes and friends mainly and few relationships too. It was time to discover and accept that reality was like the wax on a candle. Bigger candlesticks don't necessarily mean a longer lasting flame. The wind keeps blowing. So, just embrace the flame and spark of love while they last, as long as they last.

 

I agree! it's not what happens the first few weeks or months, its what happens in the long run.

 

Love is a much confused concept. We as humans rely much on how we feel in our body, the rushes, the highs and lows. So when we think of love, we tend to think of that first spark, the initial infatuation and attraction that happens. This is the "love at first sight" many of us experience and talk about. It's very different from actual love though and it's easy to get the two confused just because of how strong the feeling is.

Infatuation and attraction are almost like gut instinctual drives that say: Hey, stop what you're doing. This person really stands out. Go for it. This could be it!

Love on the other hand, deep, true, wholesome love - is more about acceptance. It develops once we get to know a person inside out, and when we can accept them fully, flaws and all. To be infatuated is to want someone to be yours. To love is to let someone be themselves, together with you. There is a very big difference, but it's subtle enough in terms of how we feel that we can rarely peg whether we're infatuated or in love. It's only in hindsight when we look back and realise how silly we've been in some situations that we see them for what they are.

There was a little thing I read a while ago where someone went around interviewing couples that had been together 20-30+ years, asking them what their secret was. It was astonishing because almost all of them gave the same answer, and that answer sheds some light on what love truly is. These people were all saying that what made their relationships work for so long is that they chose to love each other. No this wasn't some helpless sudden thing that happened, that they had no chance to fight - this was something they chose and committed to fully.

See infatuation and attraction aren't like that. Both of these are mostly biological. If someone's not what you find attractive, there might be little/no attraction - or as looks fade, maybe attraction that was once there also fades away. Infatuation too.. We feel like our life depends on making it work with someone, and then a few years later we're looking back at ourselves wondering how we got so obsessed.

Love on the other hand is a choice. You might not choose to become attracted to this person, or to develop a crush and feelings, or to be beset by an array of wondrous emotions - but you choose to let another person become your partner in life. You choose to accept all of the things about them that you would find hard to accept in yourself or anyone else. You choose to trust them completely and never doubt them. You choose to be there enough to support them when they need you, and to be able to take a step back when they need time for themselves.

If you want to tell between the two. Sit down for a moment. Think of the person you consider to be "the one" and ask yourself: If today suddenly some strange anomaly in time caused a change.. and they were left frail and old, looks faded, no longer as youthful as today - if they were ill and needed constant care. If they had no more sex drive and didn't want to please you in bed. If they smelled funny. If they occasionally wet the bed.

If all of those things suddenly happened today - if you could honestly hand on heart without a moment's hesitation say that you would make the choice to love them, then perhaps you have someone who you could choose to make your one. If not, you are riding the rollercoaster of infatuation, with its waves with crests and peaks. Enjoy the ride, but when the ride is over, know that it is one of many.

So yes "the one" exists in a sense, but not in the sense that there is only one person out there right for you - no, any person on this planet is capable of loving any other person on this planet. Circumstances and bonds dictate that some of those will be more appropriate than others - and there will come times when we form such strong connections with someone, that we can truly make that choice to let them be our "one", but know that it is just that, a choice, not some predestined curse that insists if you lose them you are doomed to a bitter life alone.

Just my thoughts, make of them what you will

 

I don't believe in The One soulmate idea. Because I believe that we all are the same inside, cos we all come from the same source. What's different is only a thin outer layer. But on the deeper layer of "soul" we all are identical. So it doesn't make sense to me that we would mach with only one person on a soul level. On life values and personality lever sure, but not on soul level. Neither do I believe love at first sight. Because the idea about love at first sight implies that love is only a visual. Which I don't think it is. Lust is visual, physical attraction is visual, appreciation of outer beauty of somebody is visual. But love is more deeper than that surface layer of first sight. When people talk about falling in love without being able to help it they are not talking about love at all, in my opinion. They are talking about lust, attachment, addiction, emotional and/or mental dependency. When people talk about falling in love without being able to help it they are not talking about love at all, in my opinion. They are talking about lust, attachment, addiction, emotional and/or mental dependency. I do believe love is rational. It is not irrational, uncontrollable attraction. It is conscious compassion, respect and acceptance. It's a choice.