Sexuality confusion

Porn is what's wrong with you, mate.

Studies show that the sexual interest you had when sex first became apparent to you in your life is your genuine one and can be reverted back to (if that is your wish).

To make it happen, get off the porn and let your mind and body heal and resume its normal state of being.

 

Look around you for that answer. There are countless posts about changing preferences that have morphed because of porn use. Escalation to trans, bi, gay, bestiality, underage, granny, rape, you name it, and the panic that results from it. It's a rule 34 internet world...if you can think of it, someone has made porn of it, and someone else has gotten off to it.

You can enjoy a sex experience with anyone. Hell, you enjoy sex experiences with your hand and that's not even a 'someone'.

You're not a sociopath, mate, just confused and twisted by your habits. Give a reboot a go. See how you feel. There's good support here and boatloads of understanding.

 

Yes, it really does. GIGO (garbage in, garbage out) as the saying goes. Though a tech term, it applies. The output quality of a system usually can't be any better than the quality of inputs. Healthy eating fuels a healthy body and mind, making you feel good and think clearer. Exercise releases tension, boosts testosterone, provides a feeling of comfortable accomplished tiredness. Cold showers are brisk, invigorating, and help stem urges. Meditation practices (mindfulness) keep you present and aware of your thoughts, feelings, and the reasons why you are having them allowing you better control.

It all sounds very kumbaya, right? Right. But it works. For some it works wonders, for others they reap milder benefits, but I have yet to hear a person saying "I eat healthy and exercise, pay attention to myself, and it's making my life shite." Heh.

Nothing has been done that can't be undone, mate. You just have to want it.

 

I feel like that too.

 

Bro I'll try to help you as best as I can, but what I am about to say is extremely counter to culture. I know for a fact that feeling a certain way about something does not make it true, and this can be proved by simple science. If I suddenly had a crazy experience that tricked my mind into believing that I was a dog, does that make it true? Of course not! The same is true for your situation, where you are 100% a male. Like some of the other guys said porn is what has messed up your brain to persuade you to other sexual orientations and it will never define who you are as an individual! My suggestion would be to focus on your healing process from pornography, and your sexual orientation will start to naturally realign itself. I cannot promise that the pain of having sexual experiences with the same gender will disappear, but they will certainly not brand your brain as much as it is now.

 

I am new to this but I can totally relate to you my friend.
Pornography does crazy shit to the human mind. It is no different to doing drugs. You might start on the soft stuff but eventually become numb to its effects. Next minute your hating yourself because your doing horrible drugs in places you don't want to imagine. You don't actually want to be in that drug den putting needles in your arm. Your brain just wants that hit.
Vanilla porn lost its excitement and even the hardcore stuff probably. That's why you have to look at it more often.
Eating healthy will not only make you healthier and happier but also give you something to think about instead of grabbing a pizza and sitting with the computer.
You can do it . You are not alone.

 

Yes I am only attracted to feminine graciosity. All my life I admired that aspect in women.

Not 'yet' imagined myself getting fucked to get off (can't predict the future). I don't watch porn or have an O since 05/10/15, yes I feel like I've commited. I still like the idea of being a woman, I guess I won't discard it at all, but it's been a long time since that's been a priority in my life.

From my journal:

Just another imperfect being. _______ ??/10/15
Story short let's say I was diagnosed as depressive 7 months ago. Maybe caused by lefting my parents house to live "alone" (18 y.o). Back then I knew about the cons of fapping, but was so much busy that couldn't really deepen the Real Wisdom that relates to it. Been to a Psychiatrist and Therapist from April to the end of August. Taking meds to lessen anxiety, NOPLEASUREMODE, no-motivation, that usual whatever-life situation. At the beginning I felt wonder results, started gym VERY motivated and thought that all of it was cured. Started changing the schedule of the medications due to long gaming sessions at night.

June to August (last part)

PRESENT

Drastic changes in my mood lead me to come back to parents house. Difficult decision it was. It didn't depend solely on me to make the choice. In the past 2 weeks I've been hatin' livin' here more than NORMAL. All in all I just wanted some guidance from you guys. The counter on my badge also tells how much time I am from dissolving another addiction:

• GAMING

I can't help but relate that the two pills I'm currently taking are being "bad-assimilated" in my body. They're supposed to work around serotonin receptors. Are these two activities that I loved backfiring the treatment? I feel in a flatline that makes me constantly confused about making decisions, also finding extremely hard to interact with people (EVERYONE), my brain every night atormentates me with the bad choices I've made in the past, it does not allow me to sleep healthy. Hard to start sleeping, wakes up after 3~4 hours, causing me to feel tired all day. I've realised that I'm lost in this battle and thought among myself: "Well, I'm in a very important moment in my life, I'll will not let this state of mind define me into adulthood". Since then, DISCIPLINE came to my mind as the first step I need to take out of this hell. I've started training my body and emotions (mind). I'll embrace all the pain, including all those nasty feelings to create my ultimate self.


March 8th 2016

I woke up in an emotional crysis. The mind is always trying to get us backed against the wall.


This brought up something I had never stopped deeply to analyse. My intense fear of relapse.


I'll never forget the nights I spent reasearching about this addiction. All of it resonated almost perfectly with the dark pit I thrown myself into.

Even when it said that intense PMO'ing could change your sexual behavior.

Since the beginning of my sessions, transgender P was what most aroused me.
As the activity grew more often, it awakened a weird singular desire.

I started to want the feminine graciosity to be part of my life.
(I wanted to go through hormone treatment even though I did not want relationships with males.)

Before knowing O I never took this issue to the surface. Sometimes child curiosity would led me to trying Mother's clothes.
Although it never brought the thought that I was born in the wrong body. And that never really came up.

I began to think of myself as a lesbian feminine transgender.
Just when I moved to another state was that I found courage to talk the subject to my parents.

There was resistance among them that I did not antecipate properly.
I decided that when I'd start to earn income by my own I would go through the therapy I wanted.

The emotional burden led to watch more of that category.
That way I would numb that frustrated desire.

Back to today, I dreamt of a videoclip (transgender related) that I've never seen before.
In the dream, the instinctive mind nourished itself from that dopamine surge. In the dream I realpsed immediately.
And from that came the guilt famously known..

Before today, I never took the fear of relapse to this astronomic extent.
Maybe it's like that because I've got some people that rely on me IRL.
I can't delay my 'Ultimate self'.

I was in bed, full of dread. Trying to make the next decision.
A few minutes later I came to the conclusion that I should not let that affect my present.
The 'NOW' is the most precious gift I have.

I acquired enough knowledge to understand that life is made of challenges, and the universe conspires in favor of those who refuse to be denied.
And so I started my routine back in control and serenity.
I was happy that I found wisdom, timely application of knowledge.

 

You know there is nothing wrong with enjoying "feminine" things, but seeing yourself as something other than what you were born with is a result of the porn that you viewed. Don't let it mess with you! You were made nothing but male, and it is your mind still recovering from the garbage that you put in.

 

One thing I don't get following this line of thought is why I started, since my first sessions, watching Transgender P.

 

just stop watching porn, you will get better with time, only if you stop watching p of course.

 

Because it's plentiful, mate. It's literally common now. My first porn experience at age 10 had a snippet of some trans in it. I didn't know it was in there, but it was.

It's amazing how the rate of people (men really) that gender question has risen so drastically with the proliferation of so much trans porn. You're not going to find many brave medical souls to do any studies though. These days the sjw shut it all down immediately. Scary time we live in. Don't think, don't be logical, just accept what society says. It's all very bloody Orwellian.

 

I'm right there with you - it's what hyperactive addictive personality minds fathom. The object of attention or lust projects to become the subject. After extensive exposure to PMO, you internalize the experience and try to procure a permanency to the evading feelings of arousal, lust and heat felt in PMO and try to BECOME the object of desire. I've been there and it's a good thing you've found us. Let it out man, for people prone to addiction, novelty is king. Pleasure is hard-wired but we can control it man, I've done it before but I lost touch. And so I am here. I'm getting the top hand on life this time, and so will you, just you wait.

 

Hey Jim. I too had this problem but I had a fear of being gay (HOCD) I can tell you it is confusing and not fun. Many guys have reported going through HOCD after porn then once rebooted everything was back to normal Porn can mess up the brain as the guys above mentioned. I have seen where guys think they are turning gay and after reboot they are 100% normal again. What I suggest is if you have loved girls your whole life stick to that and accept it. Do not try gay things again if you do not want to be more confused than you already are. Also no one on this forum can tell you how long you reboot will take because every one is different. But, if you stay committed and go 90 days, you should see tremendous improvements. And your sexuality will be more clear. Until you reboot you are wasting you time trying to piece it together. But I'm 99% positive after a reboot these feelings will fade and what your normal sexuality is will return. This all came from porn man. Porn has even caused guys to take out gay actions. Stay away from porn.