1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

Being shy sucks

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by The human failure, May 13, 2016.

  1. tweeby

    tweeby Banned

    I consider myself shy in general especially around girls I like. Best thing to do is work on ways you know you can get noticed and increase your chances... Work out and socialise, although difficult. Drop your standards as well. There's no other option unless you go to a parallel universe where the sexual attraction roles are reversed.
     
  2. KingRecover17

    KingRecover17 Fapstronaut

    662
    378
    63
    I think we choose be shy. It's a choice because you can always choose not to simply by just talking to people and getting out of your comfort zone.
     
    Last edited: Jun 7, 2016
  3. tweeby

    tweeby Banned

    Oddly the people who say they are shy, are able to 'shoot the shit' with their long term friends or people they are unattracted to. That's my biggest counter argument to my OWN eternal single'ness.
     
  4. Micah Marshall

    Micah Marshall Fapstronaut

    32
    26
    18
    Confidence is key! I am the most mismatched person on this planet, where I land in the awkward middle between introvert tendencies and extrovert hobbies. For example, I enjoy cliff jumping and hiking whereas I cannot hold a simple five minute conversation very well with a stranger in front of me. And I do have my quirks like enjoying anime, memes, blogging, and other weird stuff. Ultimately, you have to take what you are passionate about and be comfortable about it. Show that to the world and be proud of who you are; this usually breeds confidence.
     
    HipPete likes this.
  5. BlueDevil

    BlueDevil Fapstronaut

    30
    31
    18
    Personally I think every word of this block is the most gold in this thread. Like so many aspects of life, we can let our id and our assumptions and expectations about life sabotage us subconsciously, turning our bad life into a self-fulfilling prophecy. So you have to ask yourself and get as deeply honest, second guessing yourself and trying to read your inner, auto-pilot self's thoughts as though he's a different person, and ask him: Do you really not like being shy? Or is being shy comfortable and so you choose it consistently?

    If being shy is not something you want to be anymore, you can change it, it's possible. Fear of rejection is very real and a common motivator to shyness, I would say that's the first angle to fight. I would work on getting comfortable with rejection, especially from girls. Part of the fear of rejection is an instinct that lasting effects of being rejected will linger, making yourself a pariah and unwelcome somewhere, uncomfortable and unwanted in your life. But the truth is, girls don't care as much as you think. They have their own lives.

    A cashier at a fast food joint could screw up your order and ruin your whole day because your lunch was awful, and that was the only lunch you'll get to eat that day. But you gotta remember, you're just one of 150 people that cashier served lunch to that day. They want to make it right and please you so you'll shut up and they can get back to their job, not because they actually care about you. Your lunch interaction that day was very important to you, but to them it was another day at work.

    Cynical I know, but it's true, if you embarrass yourself in front of a girl, honestly she probably has 20 dudes try to say hi to her every day (or worse...), and 1/4 of them feel embarrassed afterward too, so don't worry, she wasn't that offended and will forget all about you soon, especially if you're not a lech. You should be using this fact to empower you, thinking that not as much is on the line as you think when you approach a girl.

    Now take that thought and go to some public place where you're bound to see and meet tons of girls. Say hello and try to talk to as many as you can, even about mundane stuff like getting the time or directions. You will feel weird and be seen as weird (because you feel weird) by the first 15-20, expect it. It's okay. None of them will remember you tomorrow. Go to that same public place in a few days, and if it's really a public space, chances are 95% of the crowd will be all new people, none of whom saw you get rejected the last time. So there's nothing lost in all that rejection, you'll realize you worried about nothing, and do it again, talk to everybody, hell even the elderly for practice like the other guy said. Expect rejection again. Do this 5-10 more times as if becoming a confident guy was a hobby, and you will naturally come to a point pretty quick where rejection is just something you're not afraid of anymore. When that happens? You quit caring how people feel about you, and you're happy just to be there. So then people are happy just to be there with you. Because your subconscious view of yourself sets the tone for how others will treat you. I know this because I did this. It's work, but it's enjoyable work if it's what you really want, you have to want it enough to plow through.

    If you're resigned to being shy, it is still not the worst thing in the world. You just need to accept yourself as shy and the consequences that come with it, and choose happiness with yourself as-is instead. Others here have said that too.
     
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2016
    Clerk373 likes this.
  6. noviceambition

    noviceambition Fapstronaut

    85
    80
    18
    Thank you for your kind words in regards to my quote, which originates from a book about thinking positively. I think your interpretation and advice to give to people facing the same issue is great as well. I've actually been on a hiatus from this forums in pursuit of other things affecting my life. There's a lot of things I learned about nutrition and from reflection. But, my greatest advice to anyone is to learn math because it teaches you discipline and truly changes how you think. If you hate math, you will think more irrationally (not exercising sound judgement) because you haven't learned how to think rationally ("exercising sound judgement"). Basically, thinking without logic versus thinking with logic. Mostly when you're being irrational, you're basing your thinking on how you feel, which is ultimately controlled by the balance of your body. Your body can be imbalanced or deficient of nutrients and thus making you feel not in a good mood. Therefore, if you expect any change to happen in your life now, then you need to improve your diet. This is what worked for me, but keep in mind that I am not a doctor and you take this advice at your own risk.

    Start with the basics, drink more water (add a pinch of salt for electrolytes and trace minerals), poop at least once a day, and get enough restful sleep (stop staying up at night telling people about your problems or worse, feeding other addictions because you feel you deserve the excess stimulation to make you feel happier). Trust me, I've been there and done that (and wasted a ton of time that I will never get back). Start getting more sun (your body will convert cholesterol into vitamin D naturally between 10,000 - 20,000 IU depending on how much surface area of skin is exposed), just go outside and I guarantee you will feel better unless you live where there is no direct sunlight. That is when you need to supplement Vitamin D3 (with vitamin K2; 1000 IU:100-200mcg). Upper level intake (UL) is 10,000 IU without any adverse reactions, look it up for more information, but I would start small with 1000 IU and 100-200 mcg of Vitamin K2 (Vitamin D3 helps absorb calcium, but you need vitamin K2 to channel that calcium to your bones and not your arteries which can cause heart disease and other problems). EDIT: I highly suggest that you get a 25-hydroxy vitamin D blood test from your doctor's office or find out how you can get the test elsewhere (some companies allow you to send in the test through mail, look it up). Checking your level first is important, so you have a goal you can reach (a specific range for optimal levels). Magnesium citrate 400mg/day (RDA; recommended daily allowance) is good to take at night 30 minutes before you sleep (this will help you sleep and poop in the morning) and will be needed to help push the calcium to where it needs to go. Boron 3mg/day is also a good supplement to take for your bones. Otherwise, go to your local natural food store and ask for a good multivitamin/multimineral to take because you are probably not getting enough nutrients directly from your foods (also go online to get an idea of a good brand to take). Skin problems making you feel miserable? Try taking cod liver oil and get at least 2,000 IU of vitamin A and 10 IU of vitamin E from your dosage/day. Vitamin A helps control your sebum (oil) in your skin, while vitamin E helps keep your skin moisturized by it, thereby reducing your acne and skin problems. Cod liver oil also contains Omega 3s with EPA and DHA, which help to reduce inflammation. Warning: Vitamin A and E are fat soluble vitamins, which means that it can accumulate in your fat and tissues if you absorb more than your body uses, this is especially true for synthetic vitamin A. Beta-carotene (found in carrots and other orange vegetables) is a safer and better alternative because the body will convert it to vitamin A to the amount it needs to use and discard/store the rest. Eating more fish and reducing vegetable oils will also help with inflammation (like the Mediterranean diet) which can be caused by taking too much omega 6s and too little omega 3s (like the SAD diet; standard american diet).

    You can think about all your essential nutrients (fats, carbs, proteins, minerals, vitamins, water) as light switches. They all have several different functions in your body, so if they are mostly off because you're deficient in them, then your body will have a harder time functioning optimally. In fact, it may work harder to make up for the deficiency thereby stressing your body out even further. Ever wonder why "age" (and genetics) seems to work against you as you grow older? There are several factors as to why that is, but when you get down to it, it's mostly how you treat your body. Also, it is said in traditional chinese medicine that even your emotions affects certain organs in your body. For example, when you're upset then it damages your liver. Your liver is a very important organ and you should try to keep it as clean as you can (alcohol in moderation, and drinking enough water so it can filter out toxins). In any case, you are responsible for your health, so start taking responsibility and listen to your body for clues (symptoms). Pain is merely a signal that there is an imbalance in your body because it tells you where the imbalance is originating from. So, if you're feeling unwell mentally then start there. What part of your body is responsible for regulating emotions? Hormones affect how you feel right? Where is the imbalance?

    Like what is this whole website is for helping people overcome PMO and other problems like loneliness, it aims to help you do that by teaching you how to allow your body to naturally regulate your testosterone by abstaining from P/M/O. Actually, most of the advice given on this site is community generated, which means that it is run by the community and moderated by the admin, but would not have been possible without the vision that the webmaster had for recognizing a problem, and addressing it with a solution (the creation of this website). You too, have the power to change your life and other people's lives by recognizing the problem/pattern, and generating a solution to address it. What's left is to execute that solution with action.

    Convert your ideas into motion and prepare yourself for the change. Lift yourself up, crawl, walk, run, sail, fly, etc. to your goals (vision) and get sh** done! In Latin, there is another way to say this, "carpe diem" or "cease the day". The most successful people in the world work more and sleep less to accomplish their goals. How can you ever hope to accomplish anything with your current plan or no plan, that is delivering the same unsatisfying results day in and day out? If you're still living with your parents, do you know when you can move out and live independently? By no means am I saying that it's bad that you do, because I still do while attending college, but can you certainly say when? That uncertainty is a double edged sword, it can work for you or against you. If you're wasting time feeling unsatisfied and hoping for the solution to come to you, you will wait a long time for that answer. So, why not start looking for that solution and start feeling more satiated with your progression/results from that effort? There are many ways to say this, so I will stop here because it's simply becoming redundant.

    Life is full of uncertainty, so you need to start using your existence to make it so some things are certain. It really matters now, because time is finite and so is your life. Practicing math convinced me that it is so, and is teaching me how to utilize time more efficiently than before. But if you're not exercising rational thinking, then you're even your'e reliant on the balance of your body. You actually need both, but it helps if your body is at least not struggling with itself from nutrient deficiency/genetic disorders. Oh and those genetic problems? Well, the body is an amazing entity that has awed humans (and probably aliens) throughout the ages, and will probably continue eternally. It's possible to find it, so don't feel doomed unless that disease is truly terminal, so you may need to come to terms with it. All in all, utilize your time and make it count. Starting is better than waiting. What are you waiting for?
     
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2016
  7. noviceambition

    noviceambition Fapstronaut

    85
    80
    18
    Whoops. I completely went on a tangent lol. If you live in a relatively safe neighborhood, I encourage you to start walking in the morning. Since you're probably not just shy of girls, but shy in general because you have not developed communication skills, you want to start with the basics/something easy. All you have to do, is walk for 10-30 minutes (good exercise too by the way) and say "good morning" to the people passing by. Make sure you establish eye contact first, and smile afterwards, closed mouth smile, no teeth. And if they reciprocate, say "good morning" to them, or after they say it to you. However, if they don't do the above steps, then you don't need to say good morning to them because they will probably not reciprocate it to you (if not politely). Old people are your best friends because they're more old-style and came out before smart phones replaced face-to-face contact. Unless they're having a bad day (they probably wouldn't be outside then), then your chances or their chances of reciprocating a greeting is less. But, that's what I have to say. You don't have to do this daily, and don't expect someone to greet you back. Sorry but I have to go so I don't have time to proofread what I've said and correct any errors. But I'm sure this will help you out if you're shy/have not developed adequate communication skills.
     
  8. The human failure

    The human failure Fapstronaut

    337
    343
    63
    As if I needed more reasons to want to be a girl >.>

    I'll try doing what you said, though I don't think it'll do much >.<
     
  9. tweeby

    tweeby Banned

    Believe me, I had the same problems as you, wishing to God there was some sort of role reversal where girls pick up guys. Not... ever... going to happen. Yeah sometimes I wish I was a girl, but then of course I'd have to be a lesbian. Like I said, no point in wishful thinking, you just have to work out what triggers attraction in girls and it is most certainly not shyness or extreme introversion.

    Once you've done that, set about ways to reprogram yourself. As I said before, you're probably not chronically shy, as in around everyone, friends and family. I bet you don't give a fuck when you take a dump in your family's home but you might if a cute girl was staying around.

    Therefore, we can conclude that your shyness is NOT all encompassing. It only affects girls, particularly ones you take a fancy to. Best way to get around this... is exposure and lots of it... including lots of rejection as well sadly.
     

Share This Page