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I'm ruining my relationship because of porn addiction

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Chiaro, Apr 27, 2016.

  1. Ikindaknew

    Ikindaknew Fapstronaut

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    I also told my wife, and she "accompanied" me in that journey.
    I was sex-starved because she was feeling bad having to endure the fact that I was PMO'ing all the time. She felt like she wasn't enough.
    But as she loves me, she supports me and was very supportive. We are back in love now, just like during a second honeymoon. I also get a lot more sex with her! I have my erections back and she wants it :cool:.

    You GF would most likely not be impressed by the porn watching. She would mostly believe that you need more, that she is not sexy enough for you, etc...which is not true, but that's what she would most likely believe. But you can counter that by showing her videos and scientific proofs of the damages of porn.

    Start with this:


    and also
    http://yourbrainonporn.com/

    http://www.fightthenewdrug.org/


    Fix yourself ASAP. Stop that shit right now ,as you were smart enough to realize your issues early in your life.

    Im 42, PMO'in for over 25 years. Divorced, and on my second marriage (18 years together now with a kid). I almost lost my wife because of PMO and my selfishness.

    The porn watching is the most useless activity on earth. Its like believing in Science-fiction...shit is not real. And it screws your brain chemically and psychologically.
    I lost my erections because of porn too...PIED....
    I'm good now, I keep sex thoughts for the bedroom with the wife.
    Remember the goal is real sex with person, not dying alone!!!
     
    Last edited: May 19, 2016
    about a girl and oreogirl like this.
  2. Dustin Johnston

    Dustin Johnston Fapstronaut

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    This was literally, exactly what I needed to hear, and reading it even in the midst of walking out the door saying that that I need some time away to gather myself, I find that everything you say rings true for me. It did hit the nail right on the head! I really, really appreciate you taking the time to respond to me in earnest, you certainly didn't have to, and for that, you have my thanks many times over. You are right that all of this is humiliating...dehumanizing even, and I can't stand not being in control, like you said. But her, she is...something incredible. Through all of my bullshit, she just takes it, then grits her teeth and asks for more. Not because she enjoys it, but because she is hardcore and completely dedicated to me. I could not ask for a better person to be my best friend and partner.

    Honestly, it's not like I didn't know this deep down, but I am stubborn and I had relapsed and felt back at square one and sometimes, I'll admit it...I just need the confirmation. And you gave me that. Again, thank you. What you said about retreating to your own corner and recharging really resonated with me, I have not been giving myself that and I feel like I need to start. Your point about true love being a decision too. I do choose to stay with her as long as she'll have me. So there is that. I feel a lot better now. Best wishes to you are your fiancee!
     
    Aryangor and about a girl like this.
  3. about a girl

    about a girl Fapstronaut

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    I totally agree with that picture ! Even though I am angry about his addiction .. I still care about the person .. I am angry that he will not seek help however I understand why .. I hope the how to deal with that will come along because it makes me very sad :(
     
  4. Dustin Johnston

    Dustin Johnston Fapstronaut

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    Have you two talked about it? Sometimes all it takes is a dedicated conversation to get the wheels turning.
     
    about a girl likes this.
  5. about a girl

    about a girl Fapstronaut

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    Yes I tried :( he sees nothing wrong with porn .. and I did try to stay with him till it became very hurtful because he stayed in a separate room and ignored me ..
     
  6. Dustin Johnston

    Dustin Johnston Fapstronaut

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    Honesty, I was the same way, and eventually I came to realize that porn wasnt just a problem, it was THE problem. Be patient with him, sounds to me like that is what he needs the most right now. I'm truly sorry, I wish I could help more. Good luck and best wishes!
     
  7. Rav70

    Rav70 Fapstronaut

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    You can be patient with someone when they are in recovery.
    You cannot be patient with someone when they are not in recovery and do not think they have a problem.
    That is her situation.
     
    oreogirl likes this.
  8. oreogirl

    oreogirl Fapstronaut

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    Only misery down the PMO road, for the addict and for the SO. @aboutagirl, you are cool as shit and do not deserve to be treated that way. I agree with @Rav70, if the addict is not actively perusing recovery it is just too hurtful. You don't always get to have your cake and eat it too.
    PMO addicts have damaged their brains, they need to relearn, or remember, how to care for others' wellbeing, to focus on something other then the immediate gradification of their own needs.
    My husband is one of the most special men I have ever known, and PMO turned him into an asshole. If he was not in active recovery I would leave him, that is not a threat, that is a fact. I am not going back into the porn trap - eyes wide open.
     

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