Requesting Encouragement

Hey everyone! Here's the deal:

I am dealing with a lot of frustration today!

I started posting in this community about a month ago. I did my first little self challenge and maybe I am not really seeing any improvements.

I am not going to go into excessive detail of lifestyle changes I have been making, but I am making them. One thing that I will talk about is general social status and social life health.

What I am doing is I am trying to be as likable as possible to everyone in my life. I go to a pretty big college so I get to meet a lot of people. It seems like most people think I am pretty cool. Some people even make comments on how socially apt I am.

In addition to that, I am always trying to coordinate small group activities so that the friendships I make at school are not just empty, superficial friendships.

The trouble is, it always seems like I am the only one doing the coordinating. A fraction of people often bail on things to stay home and use their smart phone or watch netflix, but most people end up coming out. These are not boring activities at all either - things like swimming with dolphins (free), snorkeling (free), hiking and picking fresh fruit on the trail (free), ocean kayaking (mostly free), the list goes on. I would organize parties, but I have a roommate who is not down.

The thing is, it seems like I am rarely invited to anything! Let me tell all of you, I want nothing more than to be invited to a party where there are plenty of beautiful women who are just laughing and having a good time. I know you guys talk about having your own identity outside of women, which is fine. I have that for the most part. But even after having that identity and being okay with who I am, I still really want more!

I know I am smart and funny and cool and handsome and a great guy to be around, but I just don't understand why people don't seem to invite me to anything! It is possible that I come off as too judgmental, but that is something I will have to work on.

I know this is something new for me - for 27 years I have lived inside my shell and not really been good at having a good social circle. I just need to take more time. But today, I am frustrated.

Seeking encouragement or advice. Questions are fine too.


Thanks to everyone for listening and for being understanding.

 

Thank you for your encouragement and asking a couple of questions. I have a few very close friends, but my closest friends are married couples and not singles.

This is great for having friendship and some connection, but it can be pretty discouraging seeing two people do something as innocent as very graciously showing their affection for each other.

As for knowing people who go to parties, I am very open about being sober and I realized that makes people think I'm not down to have fun at a party.

I like your last question. I get anxious when at home too much, but I need to get better at solitude. Reading books, doing chores, working out, and meditating are all good options for this time.

 

I would like to highlight these two bits of text. What a great way to put it! I forgot how much I love having constructive conversation with close friends. Last semester I was really focused on this, but this semester I lost sight of that and bought into the popularity contest that college is. Thanks.

Thanks, both of you! Both for your encouraging words and for relating my story to yourselves. I am happy to be among people who share some of the same feelings as me. Just reading your words has put a smile on my face after I have had an already great day today.

 

Thanks, man!

Things are not really any different, so my attitude goes from being anxious to being frustrated to reassuring myself that I just need to keep on trying. I will not give up though! I am resolved to be persistent. Surely I can find the people out there willing to be my friends - to collectively make an effort to keep one another off of the couch and/or out of the house.

Thanks for stopping by ( :