Too Much to Bare

I don't think it is. Why would he when he has a partner.

Like the alcoholic who swaps wine for beer

 

3 months isn't a long time if it means it will help you both in the future. You have the rest of your lives together. Good luck it

 

I think it's ace he has told you. Read people's stories on here about how others have hidden and been lied to and yet he lets you in. Credit for that.

You can work through it but the only requirement from him is a desire to not do it anymore. It's a big step to make but it can be done

 

Porn does strange things to the brain. It takes advantage of our interests and our libido and twists it to its own needs. All people (well most people) have a libido that can severely swing a person's judgement and make them innately frustrated because of it.

I dont mean to be harsh in my analysis, but do you think that by enforcing the 3 months of nothing, you are being too controlling over his life? Respectably, we can appreciate what you've done for him supportively but taking on this battle, setting a date for its conclusion then assuming its all going to work out fine after might just be jumping the gun a teeeny bit?

In letting his mind work over and starve for 3 months, you do risk aggrovating what could only be described as a desperate addict looking for a fix. You can't exactly keep him locked up or under observation at all hours. Though im sure boyfriend is a decent enough guy, if his addition is as bad as he says it is (blurting it out drunkely may i add) then its not going to go away easily and it'll take him for a ride.

I hate to see couples fight, and i from what i gathered i wouldn't want you or your boyfriend to turn on each other when he needs his fix and he re-visits/visits easy opportunities in order to fufill his fantasies/take to doing stuff secretively

 

I dissaprove the hard mode in this case, but hey we already beaten that horse to death and more.

I think real sex contributed to my success in stopping PMO'ing for 85 days now.

Maybe he could at least work on pleasing you. That would be a therapy for him to give without taking! He made you feel bad when you realized he was watching porn isn't it? he can give you a good massage or something during that time.

This hardmode sounds to me like "no sex for me, no sex for you!". He can go hard mode if he wants to prove something, but not without giving you some treats! Hard mode on him, not hard on you!

You guys can work on getting a new "project" started together during that time. Whatever it is!
Sex is not the only way to share. I found that doing something kind to my wife or for my wife "nourishes" me now. Before it was a chore. Now that I'm clean (or cleaner at least lol) I feel like a loving man.

When I say start a project together, I mean it could be a hobby, cooking, travelling, meet in bed to read novels, meditate together, yoga/gym, etc.

 

Good for you for being so supportive.

 

I agree with this. It's great to work on yourself, but why be so self-absorbed to the point that you fail to consider the other person in your relationship. How can a fixation on the self solve a problem which involves a fixation on the self?

 

To be honest, if my bf told me that he wanted to do the 90 day reboot I would be jumping for joy. To me it would show his earnest attempt at kicking this, it might be hard for him to stop thinking of sex if he continues to have it and the sensations. Would you rather you both struggle for 3 mos or the rest if your life? I asked my bf if he thought he could do it and he clearly said no he didn't think he could, atleast not at this point, I wish he would however because I think one of the important factors to getting better is to rewire and reboot to get those pathways clean and ready for new healthier ones. Without that he would just be defaulting back to what's still in his brain because he's continung to think if it. Maybe try something called karza that I've been reading other people talk about where there's more touching and intimacy then sex. Hope this helps your perspective.