Today marks 90 Days

Today, I've reached the 90 day mark. I'd like to say that the last few months were full of all kinds of new found joy and strength. In truth, I feel utterly exhausted. But I also feel good. 90 days does not mean the end of a journey for me. I don't feel relieved today, like I can finally relax and reward myself for all of my hard work. Things don't change today. They changed 90 days ago.

I'm almost thirty years old and I have wanted to quit porn since the first time I saw it fifteen years ago. Fifteen years is a long time to be dealing with this stuff, and I know there are those who have dealt with it a lot longer. For those who are still early on in your addiction, quit now. I wish more than anything that I would have quit long ago. It does make a huge difference. There will always be more novelty out there and the sooner you realize that it is endless, the sooner you can realize that you will never be satisfied. Porn offers nothing but lies. It takes from you. It takes and takes and takes.

Things that have helped me to make a decision to quit that is not temporary but absolute:

1. Learn about your addiction. Learn about it from every angle: scientific, spiritual, emotional, relational. Understand what has happened to your brain from looking at porn all these years. Understand what could happen in the future. Understand that you can restore yourself.

2. Don't go it alone. The more support you can find the better. Anonymous groups like this and others are great, but there is tremendous value in being open with close friends, family, partners. Chances are your friends are addicted also. Chances are they want out. Band together.

3. Recognize the circumstances when you are most likely to turn to porn. For me it was if I was bored, or lonely, or if I was feeling discouraged in following my dreams. If I felt not good enough, or unlovable. Porn was the lie that told me I didn't need real love, or real dreams, or real sex. Once you understand these things you can learn to address them when the desire to look at porn comes up. If you do it when you're lonely, call a friend or your dad or your partner and have a real human connection.

4. Know that your life will be infinitely better without porn. It might not be easier at times, but it will be rewarding. You will love life more.

5. Make the choice once and for all. If you have to decide not to look at porn every single time you open your computer or pick up your phone, you will exhaust yourself. Make the decision once. Let it be your governing will. When you open your computer remember that the decision has already been made. You don't need to muster up the will because you've already chosen not to.

6. Love yourself. Love those around you.

There are many other things. Keep reading people's posts and read articles. Learn and practice.

-C

 

Thanks for the encouragement everyone. I'm glad to know my words can be of some help. Dialogue is so important. No one is alone. Reach out and keep reaching out. Live the life you were meant to live, connecting in real ways with real people.