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Finally recognizing my addiction

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by zerxeslives, Mar 21, 2016.

  1. zerxeslives

    zerxeslives Fapstronaut

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    Here I am, recognizing my greatest enemy, my deepest fear and my toughest obstacle: addiction to pornography.

    Background
    I'm a 20 year unconfident pornography addict for 7 years now. I was lured into the awful world of porn at a very young age. I still remember how it all started by me drooling over a picture of Heidi Klum in a bikini posing on a beach, which slowly lead to a topless picture of another similar-looking model. By the end of the week, I had managed to take every piece of clothing off these virtual goddesses, experiencing an entirely new, sensuously pleasuring feeling I had never felt before.

    I doubt I have to continue as you all know how the rest of the story goes; one thing leads to another, soft-core leads to hardcore, 1 hour turns into 5, and somehow after the blink of an eye 7 years of my life have been flushed down the toilet. I've screwed up school beyond imagination. My social life is poignant with barely 5 friends (yes, they are all male). And worst of all, I am a depressed virgin contemplating on why I should even continue this arduous fruitless task of living. Despite all of this, there is one last hope, one last ray of light at the end of the tunnel. I am not sure if it'll work, but then again, I have nowhere else to go. I have no other choice. I must commit to nofap.

    Over the past few days I have read several success stories of how people not so different from me have managed to completely turn their lives around. I just pray I have similar will power to even achieve half of what these guys are blessed with.
    tl;dr - I'm a typical addict who is deeply depressed and is clinging tightly to this last hope for getting something meaningful out of this painful life.


    GOAL
    My goal will be to go hard mode for 1 month. My all time record is around 27 days, which was achieved 2 years ago.
    I am currently finishing up day 4.
    I need all the help I can get.

    Thank you,
    Zerxes
     
    vicix2 likes this.
  2. Septimus

    Septimus Fapstronaut

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    Welcome Zerxes, I'm glad you're here.

    Be of good cheer -- you are catching this way ahead of when I and others did. You have a lot to look forward to.
     
  3. wanabefree

    wanabefree Fapstronaut

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    We are all on a similar boat.

    Don't be so hard on yourself. You are lucky to have even 5 friends. 5 friends that you can maintain as friends means you know how to socialize. I find it hard to maintain friendships...maybe doing it wrong lol

    If you are brave enough and trustful enough to let your friends to know about your current nofap challenge, perhaps you can seek for their support...:)

    Based on what I have read on this forum so far, becoming PMO free means that we can have more confidence in ourselves when communicating with our opposite gender.

    Anyways, Good luck!
     
  4. Ledz93

    Ledz93 Fapstronaut

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    Welcome, I am in the exact same boat as you, depressed, disturbing thoughts of a pointless life, anxious. Having trouble with relationships due to being lured into this at a young age, I'm 22. I wish I could've come here when I was 20, I wish like hell. Be glad that you found this when you did. I just got here and I am just starting my challenge and I will go along the ride with you! Reading all of the success on here, and getting educated about what we are dealing with has really opened my eyes and made me understand just what the hell is wrong with me, helped me identify why my life feels like its going down the drain. Good luck to you! I hope we can all achieve success and cut this disease out of our lives. It will be hard but it's a challenge that MUST be met, and MUST be defeated if we want to live meaningful healthy adult lives.
     
    zerxeslives likes this.
  5. vicix2

    vicix2 Fapstronaut

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    One question:

    If you couldn't feel any pain ever, do you think your life would be better?
     
  6. zerxeslives

    zerxeslives Fapstronaut

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    Wow what a question! I see we're jumping straight into philosophy eh?
    Its a complex question, but to give an answer, no, my life would not be better. The reason is quite simple actually; if I couldn't feel pain I would not be able to recognize its opposite. I would not have anything to compare with joy, excitement or any other happiness. Without pain I would not be able to mold myself into the desired man I wish to become; a man necessary to society's survival, someone who would truly be missed after his demise. The world is far from a shiny rainbow and pain is what prepares me for it. Pain is that essential vaccine every human desperately needs in order to remain human. It is necessary, and therefore I not only need it, rather, I demand it.

    Hopefully that didn't sound too emo haha! :D:D
     
  7. vicix2

    vicix2 Fapstronaut

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    FUCK YES

    That's what I'm talking about!

    This mindset pretty much makes it clear for me that when I'm done crying on the inside, hurdled up like a baby in a womb, feeling like a victim of the world, the only thing to do is to let it be and move on.

    Simple, but it requires action, and that hurts.

    A different thought: think if you didn't push through the pain and became a better you, and then married a girl. Do you want a girl that accepted someone that's less of what he could've been?? Think about it.

    In my mind this is enough to make the journey in itself worthwile. Abundance over scarcity makes a man free yo :cool:
     
    zerxeslives likes this.

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