A new beginning

Hi everyone,

I am a 28 year old guy who only recently came across NoFap and when I started reading about the side effects of porn use and excessive masturbation, I felt like I could relate pretty much to all of them. It was only when I first tried to take on the NoFap challenge this month that I realized I am an addict.

I have always masturbated a lot since the age of 11 and it just became a normal part of my life to do it 4-5 times a day on average. When I had my first serious girlfriend at the age of 20 I would still masturbate twice a day even though we were having sex every night. It was just a routine. I was still watching porn regularly too. But my life seemed (at the time) to be ok so I had no idea I was addicted and that it was having a big impact on my mental health.

Over the last 8 years or so this addiction had serious consequences on my life. It has led to social anxiety and performance anxiety too. I have been unfaithful, been to prostitutes and things slowly got worse. The type of porn I was watching became a lot more hardcore to where I would search things like humiliation porn, degradation..Sometimes I would finish masturbating and close my laptop quickly and just feel ashamed. I also started watching gay porn and transexual porn, I just needed something new and a bigger rush.

I used porn, masturbation and sex as an escape. If I was stressed or anxious i'd masturbate and watch porn, which I now know makes things so much worse. Porn has led me to objectify women and I have chased girl after girl and generally practiced unsafe sex and engaged in way too many risky behaviours. I'd sleep with a new girl and then be terrified I had an STI and then would be a nervous wreck while I waited for the results and then go and do it all over again. Porn also led me to expect things from girls and it got to a stage where I only wanted to have anal sex with them.

Over the last 2 years I started to suffer from performance anxiety. I would get with a new girl but be so caught up in my own mind, thinking about porn to try and get aroused. I think this also led to me being unable to use condoms during sex. As soon as a condom was mentioned or I tried to put one on I knew I couldn't perform. I know these problems are all in my head as when I am with a girl I am comfortable with or am relaxed or masturbating alone I have no problems getting or maintaining an erection. But I got so nervous about having ED that I would go to prostitutes to try and prove to myself I was healthy and normal. I think I really need to see a sexual therapist and try and get some of my issues sorted but I believe NoFap can really help me get back on track.

I tried not masturbating at the beginning and went 7 days. However, I was edging a lot and also looking at porn images on tumblr. Tumblr seems to be one of my biggest problems in giving up porn for good. Once I relapsed I ended up watching porn and jerked off 5 times that day. I started again and managed to go 9 days but still was looking at sex pics on my phone. It is just so hard to stop. I relapsed today and watched porn and looked at pics.

I want to be free. I want a clear mind. I want to be able to start a relationship and be faithful. I want to get turned on by just kissing a girl again. I want to feel in control. I believe that if I can reboot then I can be a new man, the man I know I can be and the man I want to be.

Good luck to everyone!

 

Thanks mate!