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How long to abstain from sex?

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by SunDrew, Dec 9, 2015.

  1. Dec 9, 2015 #1
    SunDrew

    SunDrew Fapstronaut

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    Hello everyone,

    I joined NoFap 3 days ago when I could not maintain an erection when trying to have sex with my girlfriend. I was mortified. I have always known deep down that I've had a porn addiction but I never thought it would actually become so real like this. That's when my friend @Macabre told me about NoFap and I joined. The problem was never real to me until a few days ago. I thought I would just grow out of porn but I never have. Granted, my porn use has gone down recently but it still is not enough. Even though I've been watching porn less, I've been masturbating with a death grip. I have trouble keeping it up. The only time my girlfriend has been able to get me off is by viciously jerking me off.

    I know that I am done now with porn and masturbating. I am on day three now and I will not even edge or touch my dick.

    I have had very few erections on my own since then. I did have an erection when making out with my girlfriend last night but it went up down quite a bit. My dick has felt dead most of the time since. My brain is not used to creating random erections any more.

    I have not told my girlfriend about my problem yet. I have only been dating her about 2 months so far. I don't want to scare her off. Thankfully, we both live with our parents (I live in a small apartment) so sex is easy to avoid with my mom a room over and thin walls. Sex is pretty much a planned thing for us. She has not pushed for sexual activities since then. Even though she does have a pretty high sex drive. She does like to just relax together and hold each other. She's fine if that's all we do all night.

    How long would any of you say when I should try to have sex with her or do any other sexual activities with her?

    I know I'm done with porn and masturbating forever. That's a given. I know that I won't really be able to go much longer without having sex with my girlfriend. I've also been having performance anxiety too because I want it to go well. Before I was afraid of cumming too soon. Now I can't cum at all. Not cumming at all is even worse because the girls don't think you see them as attractive. They'd rather have you cum early. I'm not sure how the relationship would handle a super extended period of time without any sexual activities. Please let me know what you think guys.

     
    SunDrew, Dec 9, 2015
    SunDrew, Dec 9, 2015
    #1
  2. Dec 9, 2015 #2
    Jimtj

    Jimtj Fapstronaut

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    I've been wondering the same thing. I am married and been having Ed problems and I think it's from the porn. I want to go a hard 90 but don't want to talk to my wife about it.
     
    Jimtj, Dec 9, 2015
    Jimtj, Dec 9, 2015
    #2
  3. Dec 9, 2015 #3
    gnarlygnome

    gnarlygnome New Fapstronaut

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    My story sounds incredibly similar to yours. Never thought too much about my porn habits until I had problems keeping it up. I've been dating a girl for a little over a month so it's too early to bring up an issue like this. Women are very sympathetic by nature. She won't dump you for not wanting sex right away. Maybe just try telling her that your are nervous and overthinking things. I wish I had a better answer but I am in a similar situation. I'm trying to figure out how to explain why I couldn't finish. Girls are used to guys trying to get sex right away, so I think she will be pleasantly surprised that sex isn't your top priority.
     
    gnarlygnome, Dec 9, 2015
    gnarlygnome, Dec 9, 2015
    #3
  4. Dec 13, 2015 #4
    BigPete89

    BigPete89 Fapstronaut

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    BigPete89, Dec 13, 2015
    BigPete89, Dec 13, 2015
    #4
  5. Jan 8, 2016 #5
    TheGoodTimes

    TheGoodTimes Fapstronaut

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    Hey, I'm also in the same situation as you guys. I have been seeing my girlfriend for a bit more than one year, and since the beginning I've had problems getting hard and keeping it.
    Just very ocasionally I was able to. I decided to embrace nofap hard mode.
    I talked to my girlfriend saying I was trying to avoid orgasm for a while to see if I can get my problem fixed and she said it was ok with it. However, nothing is ever so simple x) She still pushes us to have sex, and I usually just try pleasing her other ways.
    After sometime (around day 15) we started having sex again, not so many times though, and I would always avoid reaching O until some days ago when I couldn't hold it in and I reached it.
    I had another talk with her, explaining I really wanted to go through with this. I don't think just that time can hurt so much my progress.

    I'll see how it goes from here, I'm on day 28 going through a flatline I think.. In my case, it was good I talked about this with my girl, but that may not be the right option for everybody so I don't know.

    Good luck :)
     
    TheGoodTimes, Jan 8, 2016
    TheGoodTimes, Jan 8, 2016
    #5
  6. Jan 8, 2016 #6
    abiwrites

    abiwrites Fapstronaut

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    If you can, go for 7 days, and then, 30 days, and then, increase it 90 days ... :)
     
    abiwrites, Jan 8, 2016
    abiwrites, Jan 8, 2016
    #6

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