My first post after reading forums for over a year.

Hello to all you fellow Fapstronauts!

I have been reading this forum now for almost 1.5 years, and this will be the first time i post here.

I will start with my story. Sorry if my English is bad.

Im a 27 year old male from Norway. I started faping when i was 12ish, at this time i didn't really know anything about sex, it was an older friend who explained it to me. tried it once and was hocked! 1-2 years after i found some VHS porn movies in my step-fathers closet and i remember i found it extremely exciting. but the videoes dissapeared and i just watched porn magazines and some videos here and there for some years intill i started college, now i was 16 years old and moved to an appartment with high speed internet. Now my porn addiction really started, living alone downloading porn as i wished. Ever since i have been watching porn every day (with a maximum of 5days off cause of no possibility to fap)
Ofcaurse after the torrentpages came it only got worse, and a fap took longer and longer time, in the end it could take up to 2 hours of clicking through different videos, before i found the "perfect one"

As a child and young adult i was verry outgoing and had a lot of self esteem. After the years of fapping i got more and more closed, also i lost the possibility to enjoy normal thing like: Sport, talking to people, watching movies, be with my family (whom i really love) etc. I was for the most just flat, the only time i had much feelings in my body was: excitment just before a fap and disgusted, sad, self pitty etc just after a fap.
And this was my life for many years, didn't really see any light in the end of the tunnel, everything was just feelingless, i didn't want to kill myself or anything, but i remember that the thought of living a long life sceard the shit out of me.

Fastforward some years.
I never connected my pmo problems with all my problems in life. (although i always hated myself for watching porn)
That intill i by coincidence found a link to NoFap's forum.
When i read about porn addiction and saw the Ted talk video i immediately understood that this is real! and started nofap the same day.

I then got a streak for 44 days, and my life changed completely. I started to enjoy speaking with people, enjoying spending time with my family, almost all anxiety was gone i started feel things again (happines, sadness, anger, love, this ofcaurse also made it a lot easier to have normal interaction with others)
I can remember that after 3-5 days i got alot of energy, and that after 30days i started to recognize the bigger changes.
But then i got in a fight with a good friend of mine after been out drinking, and the day after (day44) i relapsed. I can remember how terrible i felt after, when i was relapsing i had an intence feeling just like i had taken cocane or something, and the same secound i was done i just got instantly depressed. But at this time the depresion helped me and i got another 40 days right after.
Now i was feeling better then the first strike, but i started to get more and more horny. And after 40days i had sex with a women i didn't really feel anything for, so after that i relapsed again.

have gone 10ish 20ish 30ish days for the last year, im determined that i will some day stop pmo. but it seems that i always loose motivation after 10-30 days. So this time i will start this thread. post in it almost everyday, and help other people on the forum.
I promise to you that if you ask me anything i will try to help as good as i can.
Also i have to say that even when i relaps now and then, my life is 100 times better then it used to be. But i know that it can get even better.

 

Day 6!
My motivation is very high right now.
But i and all you others struggling with the same ,we need to remember that the days are coming where our motivation isn't that strong. So we need to be ready for that moment, and when we overcome it. We will be better prepared for the next time.