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Any college drop outs here?

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by Anne-Dauphine, Oct 10, 2015.

  1. Hey!

    So, long story short: I'm in 3rd and last year of my Fine Arts bachelor. I am absolutely crippled by my mental health diseases and the support I get is not enough. I adore art with a consuming passion and I consider it legitimately vital to make some but I do not believe in what I do, mostly because I have sub zero exposure, and everyone I know from university are already doing internships and exhibitions and most importantly commissions. I have nothing of that. Nobody knows what I'm doing, and it's not good enough to be known anyway, because I'm financially not able to do what I have in mind.

    Problem is, I cannot do anything else. Art is the one and only thing I am able to do. I don't even know if I'm good at it, it's all I do. I have zero qualifications. The only job I ever had was at a factory, chain work, lowest echelon.

    And I'm considering dropping out. Because I can't do this, I'm having severe depression and eating disorder and the one and only thing I haven't relapsed because I can't is PMO. This year I have two things: a thesis, and a degree show. I can't for the life of me write this thesis. It's just too hard. My brain is mushy and it's already altered and I'm just dying. Plus, I have a 60000 euros debt because of my tuitions fees. But if I quit, I quit everything. And art is all I have. But I don't even manage to get what I want while doing my studies, so I don't have any hope for the future. I'm lost, sick and angry.

    I wanted to know if anyone had a similar experience, in whatever field, and how they got away with it, because I'm fucking dying. I can't even kill myself, which is much worse.
     
  2. DireWolf

    DireWolf Fapstronaut

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    Good afternoon, i appreciate you for letting it all out here in this thread, that takes alot of courage, im wondering how are you holding up? im not a person that should give advice to another one by far, im just checking up, if im allow to chip in my opinion on the broad scene of things, i believe the world needs more artists, anyway, just send me a message to know you are still in the fight
     
  3. Hey, thanks for replying. I felt better today and thought, "God I was REALLY in a bad place yesterday, to want to drop out like this, art is my life". But now it's 11pm and I want to die again sigh. I'm trying to fight depression and I still went to the gym and I'm desperately trying not to binge and write my thesis but I'm just overwhelmed from every side
     
  4. DireWolf

    DireWolf Fapstronaut

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    Good to hear that you are feeling better, i think depression hits all of us as its a derivative in my opinion from a drastic behaviour change, such as fighting addiction and quitting overnight, its good that you go to the gym, i think exercise is a very important part of the process, you can do this Anne, hope you post that thesis out here for us so we learn something
     
  5. Yo honestly I feel so proud of myself. All I can say is Yes to this moment and sign up for future incredible decisions and waves. I dropped out of college and anticipated slow years but now.. I've got some dream options, make that choice homes. (day24 and counting)
     
  6. tweeby

    tweeby Banned

    Don't drop out. You've got one more year left to go and then you get your paper, which is what you've been working for, and you wouldn't want to have wasted that tuition fee for nothing. You can finish this.
     
  7. OddTheOodle

    OddTheOodle Fapstronaut

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    Anne,

    I had just begun my final year of my Bachelor's Degree in Accounting back in 2010, when I too got the mushy brain (that is the exact word I used then and I smiled when I saw you used it here). I ended up dropping out with $26,000 of debt that I had to pay back. Plus some of my scholarships because I didn't finish. To make a long story short, I have still not finished paying back all of my loans (5 years later) and I still sometimes regret not finding some way to keep going forward (especially when finances are tight), even though at the time, it did not seem possible.

    I went through similar feelings during that period. I enjoyed accounting, but I didn't feel like I was good enough at it. And I wasn't catching on fast enough. And there was no way anyone would pay me to do this stuff. I just wasn't that good at it. And then the final year projects came; they hit all at one time. And I couldn't handle it anymore. What was the point in struggling through all of this if I wasn't even going to be good at it anyway? So I quit.

    I was working in retail at the time, so after quitting school, I was able to work full-time and was promoted to a supervisor position, then changed companies as an assistant manager, then was promoted to manager. I now have my own store, and I am loving my job. But I still sometimes regret my decision and I still have not paid off my debts.

    I cannot tell you what you should do, nor will I presume to know what is best for you, but I hope hearing my story gives you at least some insight. And I wanted to let you know you are not alone. I was right there with you. I wish you luck and hope you make the decision that is right for you. You seem to be making the choices you need to make that are right for your recovery, so I hope you continue to do that as well. If you need additional information about my experience (or if I was unclear) please let me know. Also feel free to private message me. I am always willing to help any way I can.
     
    fapdroid likes this.
  8. Cicada

    Cicada Fapstronaut

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    You can't quit art - it's a part of you and you are a part of it. But art doesn't require a diploma, it's an expression of who you are, not your education.

    I'm not saying you should quit, but if you choose to, channel your struggle and use it to evolve. You can change paths but don't give up.
     
  9. HopeFaith

    HopeFaith Fapstronaut

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    I have completed my first 5 days of a reboot ever. Firstly I was so honey I was imagining having sex in my mind with everything that moved, people, animals, passers by on the street, old and young alike. I was so uncomfortable down there it was really hurting me. That feeling eased off around day 4 and I could feel that sexual energy spreading upwards into my tommy and being reabsorbed back into my body. I was so proud and happy with myself and felt I would easily make it through and escape my addiction on my first attempt. I was already feeling huge improvements in my self esteem, people skills, others started noticing me more too. First time ever I would not shy out from talking to people and felt confident to maintain short conversations.

    On my day 5 extreme loneliness has hit me, it was even more noticeable as I have dropped from my previous high. The trigger was a real life event. At work a man has fainted and I had to deal with him. He was 2 years younger than me, appeared to be shy and had a history of anxiety, loneliness, depression. When I asked him if there was anybody that could pick him up and take him home he said no. He lived in this area for more than 2 years and felt he could not even ask the people at work to help.
    This was like looking in the mirror for me. I am like him!:(

    I was already on day 5 of my reboot and felt it was me that has brought all of this on as I have somehow connected to him and understood where his problem was. All I wanted to say to him was STOP FAPING!!! CANT YOU SEE HOW THIS IS AFFECTING YOU? But I was at work and could not do that. I am sure I would have been fired. I never met him before but just looking at him made me feel very scared and hopeless and it brought me right down from my positive high. All I wanted to do is run away from the black whole that was encompassing him.

    I could not deal with the realisation that the last 20 years of my life has been waisted by my occasional faping. I never understood that people were avoiding me because I carried around with me that black hole of depleted energy. I started faping since puberty and since then started suffering from depression and moved from one addiction to the next. Because of my fapping I could not feel or connect to the energy radiated by other people. For them I was like that man was for me today. Total energy black hole. I knew people were avoiding me and I was avoiding them....... For 20 years I could not understand why.

    So I went home and made myself better the only way I knew how...but it did not work this time. I immediately regretted it and now I do not only feel honey again but also very washed out. In bed struggling to do anything now.

    Now can see clearly how I have waisted my best years of life. I am trying not to feel sorry for myself but it is hard. I know if I continue to feel sorry for meself I will waist another 20 years. I have to pull through to the end and come out on the other side to live the remaining years I have got left.

    I do not want to be alone anymore. Can you help me through?
     

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