I have never had sex (and I'm 22)

I was intimate three times with the girl that took my virginity (which was only three years ago, so I was 22 as you are now), did not ejaculate and the second time we wanted to have sex I couldn't even penetrate her due to PIED. I really didn't know what was going on back then. Few months later I had a relationship where I finally ejaculated five months in, after we had sex dozens of times and after I finally realized the connection with PMO. In my next relationship my girlfriend was able to make me ejaculate every time, but in some cases it took her a whole lot of work. Now that I quit PMO I am sure that PIED won't be an issue anymore in my next relationship.

You have made some bad experiences, but that does not mean it will always be that way. Quit PMO. If you still have problems the next time tell her about it, in case it is meant to be more than a one night stand. Relax, don't take it all too seriously. If you quit PMO it will all go back to the way it should be.

 

Just like what lurch said try not to worry. I always had troubles when I first tried to be intimate with girls. I'm sure a little had to do with performance anxiety but a big thing that probably did it to me looking back was all the PMO I did too. I finally had a successful intimate time with my girlfriend who I am with now. But the first two attempts didn't go so well because of PIED. I layed off of PMO and the third time was the charm. Then I was stupid and went back to PMO and the last two times I couldn't O. So just relax, no PMO and you should be fine. Just a little tip try doing a little foreplay before hand to try to relax the nerves and let things happen naturally. Your story reminded me of me so much. I thought it would never happen. The hardest thing to do is relax but once I learned to go with the flow and I abstained from not fapping I found things to get a lot better

 

If you quit PMO you might not even have any problems next time.

Other than that, if the girl likes you she won't have any problems if things are a little bit awkward the first times you have sex with each other. But that's normal, you need to learn what your partner likes and your partner needs to learn what you like, and how you both express it. After a while the energy will flow between you and you will feel excited, yes, but not nervous anymore. Don't define your ego by how you perform in bed.

 

Hey man,
Thanks for being honest! Such a brave thing to do.

I agree with those that PIED may not be an issue once PMO is less of one.

Other than that, all I can say is don't be ruled by your fear or anxiety! Don't rule out a fully satisfying relationship because of prior bad experience mate!

My 2 cents anyway
Fox

 

i guess everyone is on a different boat then me. My whole reason to be pmo is because i want to wait till marriage.... if that ever happens... but in the mean time i don't want this to control me, and i definitely am not thinking about sex if i get to have a girlfriend...

 

Is that a religious conviction Ernest?

Lots of people here have a similar conviction... I didn't have sex before marriage but that was largely because of performance anxiety... But I covered that up by pretending to be pious )))
Control is important... But also surrender... Not to the urges, but to the Divine Yes. When we say Yes to God, for me at least, I get to participate in His life and Ministry... But sometimes I wanna say yes to urges, to 'the flesh' etc etc... And must surrender to His Yes instead of my small yes. Again, just my point from a view

 

Yes it is a religious conviction. I honestly don't understand how people feel ashame and guilty for watching porn and masturbating... yet having sex with a woman you're not even married to seems ok. I've seen that a lot on here, and i understand some people are not "religious" but i still don't get that. Like wouldn't you feel the same shame and guilt knowing you just had sex with someone who is not even your espoused? It doesn't make sense... it's like you are trying to free your self from one thing that leads you to feel unworthy and then you give in to another that in the end is not a solution to the first problem. call me crazy, but if it means i'll never have sex because i will never find the "right" woman so be it. like i said we are all on different pages here.... by the way i'm still a virgin at age 27... big woop...

 

Marriage reinforces that commitment between a man and a woman. Most people want nothing to do with marriage because of the commitment part... So it's like two people that are cohabiting and having sex without marriage and on top of that using contraceptives have no real commitment and it is not love. I recently read a thread where the person stated he realised sex was not love... love is cooking for the other, love is getting up at 3am to sooth a crying baby and allow the other to sleep... sex itself is not love.... love is giving and seeks the best for the other... I read some theology of the body by pope John Paul the second where it says the man in his nature gives of himself to the woman, she lovingly receives him... All I can tell you is that if you truly want to honor a young lady you have to be ready to love her for the rest of her life...and that's were marriage comes in...

 

You can get back up... Being a virgin shouldn't be a problem to the girl of your dreams, if she has a problem with that, then that's a red flag... don't get discouraged... you are putting all this negativity in your mind... try to accept you and love yourself... be confident, I know how... well just think of all the good things in your life, your talents, gifts, goals... etc....

 

That's just your opinion Ernest... And to be honest I would avoid fairly strong judgement calls like 'that's not love' referencing cohabitating and using contraceptives. I'm not saying stop believing what you do... But
I think this place encourages honesty and that's great... But just be careful how you word things mate! Soften it a little... Cause otherwise you come off as really putting down a bunch of relationships

 

Hey mate, if you know that getting into bed with a girl now won't help your goals of becoming the kind of porn and fap free partner you want to be, then you gotta abstain!
But some guys still have sex I here and do a no porn or no porn/no MO thing...
Think about your goals mate! What's the best way to achieve them? What's the reward for achieving them?

How long was ur NoFap streak before lapse? Because if it wasn't long then maybe it's just natural swag attracting the girls ))

 

You are beating yourself up (no pun intended)... why would you expect girls to like you??? You have to work on yourself first, self esteem... believe me I do too... I'm joining the gym as well... But I'm working out early morning... u know that's were the discipline should begin... don't put yourself down too much cuz others aren't even thinking half of what u think about your self

 

Have you got an accountability partner?