How do I cope with being unattractive?

it sounds like we have different definitions of "attractive". on a scale from 1-10 (10 being the highest), i consider anyone over 5 to be attractive, since they are more attractive than half of the population. when i was growing up, the only kids who got that much attention from assertive women were...

a. An 8,9, or 10 on my scale
b. The best looking in the school, even if they were only a 5.
c. 3 or higher and supremely confident
d. famous
e. rich

I was a 6 or a 7 in highschool, but, i had no confidence. looking back, there were plenty of missed opportunities when i was a kid because i didnt have the confidence and wherewithall to recognize when another girl was attracted to me.

if you are low on the attractiveness scale, then you have to work harder.

 

You are judged by your looks by comparison with people around you...if you go to a poor third world country you will be classified as a 9 or 10 if you are a 6 or 7 in a rich country for example, if you go to Hollywood you will be probably seen as 4-5 if you are 6-7.

In 2015 when male have the most pressure to look good than ever in history 5 is not enough to be considered attractive from a first world views country.

For me: 7-8 decent looking
8 attractive
9 very attractive
10 god on earth

 

only the shallow 'hot girls' do that. only half of the hot girls at my high school acted that way. but, so did half of the rich kids, half of the white kids, half of famous people, half of the strong kids, half of the really smart kids, half of the religious kids, etc..

i don't see a reason to single out hot women, as if their cushy societal status makes them worse than all of the other social classes that enable people's lives to be easier. you should hate the person who abuses their power, not everyone who falls into that subclass.

 

Only half of them? I don't know man where I am coming from it seems like 98%.

 

in an effort to get us calibrated properly. if my high school self lived in hollywood, i would be at least a 6. ;-)

 

well, i don't know where you come from, but 98% seems way too high. are you sure you aren't looking at life through through sh*t stained glasses?

seriously though, having a bad attitude about the opposite sex can cause you to focus on negatives and fail to recognize positive hot girl behavior.

 

Maybe I am biased I don't know, this is how I perceive the things to be at this moment, I will be more rigorous in my analysis from now on.
But 50 % is way too low I am telling you.

 

Yeah, 50% might not be true in your local.

Remember, if you are unhappy, frowning, missing opportunities to compliment or do nice things, uninvolved, easy to anger, etc., then, people who are normally nice people are more likely to avoid you, shun you, and in general, come across as mean people.

I am an optimist and I find it easy to forgive most people. I have faith in society as a whole. I try to give most people the benefit of the doubt. Therefor, I am likely to perceive people in a good light compared to the average human being.

 

Do what I do and pretend you're a hot celebrity. (I was Beyonce today).

 

Beckham may be most attractive to our current society but looks can also lack character.
You know, imperfections makes one complete and all that?

Just a thought.

 

"looks can also lack character"
No looks can lack character as well...the problem is the guy with looks can develop character if he decides to, the guy with no looks cannot get looks no matter what he does.

"You know, imperfections makes one complete and all that?"
How is this relevant?

 

Being extremely attractive brings it's own host of problems with it. Especially; if that guy/person is insecure and or socially anxious. All that attention can set you up for major problems...and you'll even start becoming a hermit or avoiding people; even developing antisocial characteristics (lashing out or pushing people away) because you don't know how to handle it, or maybe don't want it. You can also be used by people, in this situation. People also, are more likely to see you as some kind of object and not beyond a person.
This is kind of what I went through.
You can 'become' your image in a way, become a slave to it because you get compliments for it. You will become shallow, narcissistic, and vein. You'll feel like everyone will just want you for your body, or whatever - and while that seems good now; trust me, it's not. It's a barrier to real love and you'll feel like as if in a prison - then you won't be able to seek solace for your hurts; everyone will laugh and make fun of you for your complaints - so you keep it to yourself. This is how I believe it happens. ...This is just a perspective from the other side - so as not to hate these people. ...everything happens for a reason and, everything functions on a parabola; hence the attractive can go overboard by becoming vein and then become, 'hideous'.

We are all human, we all hurt and want.

Be grateful for who you are, while refining yourself.

 

Everything has advantages and disadvantages, but I think that given the choice everyone would choose to deal with good-looking's people problems rather than uglies peoples problems.
I don't want to be dismissive but good looking people are not socially anxious...insecure, yeah a lot of them are.
Lol dude, for every good looking person that becomes a hermit and start avoiding people I can show you 50 ugly people that deal with that problem.
People will see you as you present yourself as, the signals you give...and I would rather be seen as an object rather than an inferior species.

 

The grass is always greener. That's what I'm trying to say this whole time. It's (life) is definitely kind of a zero sum game. You think you'll be better off but everything balances out in it's way.

Good looking people are very often socially anxious and insecure. I don't know what you were trying to say there, if I read that wrong - but it sounded like to me you were saying they don't have those problems. I'd heartily have to disagree with you, there. I'd even say, that they have more of them.

All I can tell you about that last one is...be careful what you wish for.
Quite personally I feel that I have to deal with being "seen as an object"..when I don't want to or am not in the mood, and I can't stand it. I go to the grocery store, supermarket, pump gas; some people will just stare at you. I can't be quite sure why they are staring, but I've dealt with this problem my whole life and something inside me tells me it must do with some sort of envy, attraction, admiration, or whatever..
That is the feeling I get. If you're not a hambone, nor wish to be, or you have or try to maintain some degree of humility and don't like being in the spotlight...it feels very difficult for me, and at times unwelcome and intrusive. You try to ignore it, but it's awkward/tense. This is my experience.

I hope I'm not coming across as arrogant or conceited, because I'm not trying to. I was honestly going to address this in another thread, because it can often cause me distress. I always ask myself - "is this me in my head, or are they really looking at me like that?"...it's been an issue for years and I can't stand it, anymore. I was taught manners, to stand tall and upright, I have good posture; I'm physically fit and proportionate for my frame, etc etc, and I have been told by the same and opposite sex that I am attractive.
This is one of the reasons I miss Turkey, living overseas. I feel, that here - people are more concerned about these image things; looking attractive, being thin, status, etc. etc. In my opinion these are the toxic problems extreme individualism brings, since - life works on a paradox. I missed just being able to be a number...stroll down the street among a mass of people. I miss the collectivism vs the individualism you see here. Everyone's an individual. Everyone has to be recognized, noticed, etc. It can be very exhausting and distracting imo. I miss the collective mediterranean culture so much, for these reasons.

I'm just saying, don't judge another person's problems as better than your own. You never know what you're asking for. We all suffer and we all have problems. I don't think anyone's problems are better than anyone else's. You never know until you have them yourself.

 

That's what they say at least.