A Common View of Porn ? (just something I had to get off my chest)

FIrst of all, congratulations on your two months! And on making your marriage whole. I agree with what you say here. I think part of why my husband got sucked into all of this IS because of the attitude from the world of it's no big deal, every other guy is doing it, its harmless, it's "better than cheating on her" etc etc etc. I had some idea that viewing and masturbating to too much porn can have negative effects, I didn't know that it actually caused chemical changes within the brain though... I knew it could result in ED. I guess that's part of why I have posted on sites since finding out... not only do I need support to get thru this, but I hope that my story can maybe help someone else out there. I know he plans on writing up his story at some point for that very reason too. Of course it's much harder to talk to real people... friends and family... about this stuff... hopefully at some point the topic will come up and we will be able to explain to people why its detrimental without having to tell them it happened to us, I know my husband has shame and guilt, and all kinds of emotions around it, as do I, and I don't think he'd want his brother or cousin knowing that he's had ED since he was 35, has been getting sex from me all the time for several years but was already addicted to porn bc he started after I had our kids, and I came down with an illness so my sex drive wasn't what it was prior to that... but once it came back I wanted it all the time, but he was still fapping to porn, I think it's caused other physical and emotional issues as well

 

Sounds good Jackieboy. I will take it upon myself to spread the real truth about pornography, and I hope other Fapstronauts will too.

It must have been really hard for you to find that out about your husband after getting better from your illness. I pray that things will get better!

~ Squeaky Soul

 

Good post jackieboy, and congrats on the 2 months. I thought exactly like those guy until around 2 years ago when I first tried to quit porn and found that giving up porn was more difficult for me than giving up the one ring was for Bilbo. It had become precious. I do think yourbrainonporn.com is helping a lot of people and I think guys are leaving porn by the droves mostly for one reason: sexual dysfunction. The ones I feel the most sorry for are the kids, the ones who start out on it, for whom their only sexual outlet is porn.

Keep going, porn is not an option.

 

Me too. And it's so damaging in so many ways and that's what I love about this site, because what we are achieving together here is far far more than the name of the site originally implies and maybe its just me but I'm noticing increasing numbers of threads/posts discussing the wider implications of pornography on all aspects of our lives, which can only be a good thing, and I can feel the whole thing gathering (urgently needed!) momentum by the day (but like I said that might just be me!)

 

I do feel like the people posting here are becoming more sophisticated about the science behind pornography abuse. I see the word "dopamine" dropped more now than three months ago. The argument about pornography's morality never especially interested me, but once I got addicted, the science behind porn was suddenly fascinating.

 

Yes I've definitely noticed increased awareness/interest in the science etc (largely thanks to your thread and posts which were certainly my introduction to the 'dopamine' side of things) but also the vast 'social' implications and I feel an increasingly holistic model of awareness is definitely emerging which I think is great

 

I agree with Jackieboy and it feels weird talking about porn addiction to people that don't take it seriously. I hope NoFap will be the instrument of change in society and challenge conventional wisdom.

 

I have made countless attempts to quit just by saying, OK, that's it, never again and forgetting about it. Then I would fail, sometimes within hours. Aside from the hours lost to PMO, it was a morality conflict for me, making giving in to rationalization easy. The difference now is having finally looked into the addiction and discovering "Your Brain on Porn" and then this forum. Now, in this understanding, I am no longer struggling against an internal and infinite struggle on a psychological level but rather a very physical alteration. I don't know, I just don't feel that internal thing tugging at me, but it's only Day 2 for me and I might just be highly motivated right now because of Your Brain on Porn. Whatever works.

 

I just want to point out something. We have been brainwashed to accept porn at a society level, that's why people are protecting the baseball player. "Everybody does it so it's not bad". This attitude is wrong and we need more awareness and education if we want to change this attitude. I've encountered the same attitude towards binge drinking. For a while I thought binge drinking is normal, as everybody was doing it, but the truth is far from that. It's the same story with porn, we need to raise awareness and educate people about it. Only then people will be free to make their own decisions, but until then they'll be following the social conditioning imposed on them.

 

I believe the "live and let live" attitude toward pornography is rooted in two things:

a) people do view and use porn or know someone close to them does
b) people generally feel that their impulses are good, rather than something to be evaluated critically

If A is true, then people have a vested interest in keeping it "no big deal." They want to be free of any guilt or regret, so they downplay the significance. If B is true, then people need an easy way to keep feeding their appetites. How many of us have been lured into a fast-foot joint by the neon lights on the side of the road, knowing that our hunger will be temporarily satisfied? Our culture is one in which emptiness is quickly filled and hurt is quickly medicated. With anything that is available. If there is no junk food or drugs, porn will do.

People are hurting but admitting that it a step too far for most.

 

Yes Aron, you are absolutely right! Just because something is excepted by society, doesn't mean it is morally correct.

 

I agree with you. It scares me that people deny existance of porn addiction to be honest.