The lonely life of an attractive healthy relatively young male, LONG post, depressing

You and I share a few similarities...we're both 27 years old, we're both trying to figure out our purpose in life, I also feel like I missed some sort of convention they must've had when we were, like, 21, where they taught us how to succeed in life.

Of course, I also have a house, a circle of friends, two (relatively) healthy parents, a driver's licence, etc.

I don't say any of that to brag, of course. What I'm saying is, I have all those things and I still have many, many days where I feel like a failure: http://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/started-a-high-stress-job-last-sunday.47290/

I've come to realize over these last few years that happiness truly does come from within. Moreover, just because we want to be happy, doesn't necessarily make it easier to be happy. Life isn't easy. Life is a lot of hard work, especially for those who were born with less-than-desirable circumstances. Sometimes, working so hard to provide ourselves the opportunity to live another day can get the best of us.

Needless to say, I sympothize with your situation (yes, I read the whole thing...by the way, your english/writing is excellent), and you have a right to feel the way you feel.

You'd probably be surprised to know how many people would be so very willing to be your friend, LIF. Whether they are directly/indirectly involved in your life or not. But I understand that it's difficult to find these people. I think the fear of rejection can overwhelm us when we think about reaching out to old friends, or new friends.

Regardless, you have a friend in me here, and I'm sure there are many people here who would be more than happy to help you. Be sure to post here often, to get more people to understand who you are and what makes you special.

Throw me a PM whenever you need someone to talk to. I'll try my best, with my busy schedule, to get back to you as fast as I can.

 

Hey man. Im same age as you. Very related to your story. Your not alone. And i think its never really to late to change direction in life... You shoyld start with small goals. Ill be happy talking with you. Im in the same process. Cheers

 

Hey man, welcome to the forum!
I can relate with you as I also isolated myself gaming, and feel like I missed out on a lot of life because of it. It's easy to look at all our failures and go crawling down the spiral of depression, and the more you think badly about yourself the harder it will be to pick yourself back up.
Depression is a hard habit to break, and I am fighting it as well.
Just from this post I can tell you are highly intelligent and are capable of doing very well in whatever you set your mind to. Just take one step at a time with your goals. If you look at all the things you haven't done it's easy to fall back into the depression pitfall. Pick one goal and focus on completing it. When you've completed it pick another, and another, etc. I've been doing this and it seems to keep me productive and not overwhelmed by my current situation.

Good luck and glad to have you here!

 

When you were younger you were floating downstream. What I mean is that you were working with the laws of the universe. I've been talking about these laws since I was a little kid, its the reason I'm here.

I realized a long time ago that when I put my attention into something stuff happens. Quite literally whatever we think about or dwell on we are creating. The more emotion there is behind it, the more powerful the effect is.

You poured your heart and soul into counterstrike and actually made a lot of money and you were traveling with a team! Thats so unbelievable that it's basically proof of this law of attraction.

When I was 22 making shit money my friend told me that he was selling his house, one that I really liked. At the time I was making $10 an hour and I knew It was unrealistic. Still I wanted it BAD. So I went to work in my mental workshop. I imagined owning the house and it was really exciting. I never thought about how I didn't own it, I focused like a laser on owning it. Unbelievable things transpired that led to me owning this house. Truely unbelievable including $25,000 coming from fucking nowhere. It made me wonder if the universe even reaches through time into the past to make these manifestations happen.

The bottom line is that according to your post, when you were young you dreamed of what you wanted, you knew what you wanted and you were passionate about it, and so it was.

Now you shine the flashlight on how pathetic you are and how lonely you are and so it is.

I'm not going to tell you that it's going to be ok because if you keep doing what you are doing its going to go on like this forever. We all need to take responsibility for our thoughts, its not some private place that doesn't matter. You've even given yourself the name "loserinfact".

One more thing, keep your dreams and goals to yourself. If you tell people about them, since they don't understand universal law, they will discourage you casting doubt into your creation. It's much easier to create by yourself I've found.

The hard part is knowing what you want. In this game knowing is more than half the battle. You'll know when you've hit your target there when you feel excited about something.

If you are sitting there and you feel something bad, like you are feeling sorry for yourself, that's your inner being saying "Hey! Asshole! You're going the wrong way!". Pay attention to how you feel. If you feel bad, stop doing what you're doing because you won't like where it takes you. If you cannot deceive yourself into thinking something positive while in bad circumstances then distract yourself, at least then you won't be actively creating the shit you don't want. Most people fuck this up because in the wanting of something they dwell more on the absence of it. " I want more money because I'm so poor. God I am so poor.". That's sloppy ass creating right there. Compare that with "The universe is bringing me more money!(with excitement and no counter thought)"

If you want to know more send me a private message.

 

Hey man I just want u to know, my story is quite similar.

I'm 24 now! I took ****ing 7 years to complete a 4 year engineering course. I've studied IT, but right now I'd not get a job in s/s thats not my biggest concern right now. I have only 2 friends that I feel comfortable with. Only a handful of people who accept me for who I am. I've been fapping for a long time, since 7th grade I think. From my 12 standard onwards, it was a regular thing. My Life did not suck so much until the end of my graduation, I lied to my parents that I passed and I've lived that life for 2 years. When my parents got to know, it was a terrible event. And then I took tuitions to clear my pending subjects, it was a tough 1 year ordeal, of waiting and hoping and fear of failing. Although I I passed in the exams, and am a graduate now. My life is a ****ing mess! I just wake up, eat, watch porn and fap and watch TV series othewise. I look like crap. I cannot walking properly. Years of ****ing my bed, has changed my walking style, its ****ing pathetic even to talk about it. My whole enginerring course was a disaster, I was a sad **** but I am very lucky to have found my best friend from there. I cannot even be confident to communicate. Everytime I step out of my house, I worry whom I'll meet and whom I should say hello. Its really hard to stay Depressed in India. You have to greet people and t greet people u need enthusiasm, which I ****ing lack. The only times I am fairly happy are then I am at home with my family. I cannot even smile properly man. when i do, its fake as ***k. Now I am trying to get a job man. I feel so de-motivated to do anything. YOU ARE NOT ALONE MAN! We can change our lives, I don't know how, but we can start by having our plans and sticking to them. I have a lot of great ideas, but I don't work on them. I feel like a fcuing looser to preach sth I cant practice, here are a few:

1-> since you already work out, I think u must be getting the endorphins. Keep working man, don't stop. And eat Fresh fruits and veggies.

2-> Try breathing exercises, man.



3-> Cold showers. A nice cold shower in the morning wakes u up and gives you some positive energy.

Thats all I've got man. I find it hard to deal with the urges, when I do practice the above steps, may be I will get better and grab life by its horns and turn it around.

 

ha well bro welcome to the club, I just drafted through ur post and didn't read it throughly but your not alone, I'm 26 and share alot of similarities with you, I think me u and all the other guys who replied in this thread should form a support group on viber and try to figure out life together instead of fighting it alone and be depressed.

 

Yes please, a Group on Viber!

 

alright then if anyone is interested please send me ur info and phone number as a private message so we can get this thing started, don't share ur phone numbers publicly

 

Don't give up man. You're 27. Not 97. Life is not over. If you're alive, you're not done. Focus on improving the rest of your life and not beating yourself up for the years you feel like you wasted.

Listen dude, I'm 27 as well. What you are describing is a lack of direction in life. You don't feel as if you have any purposeful activity. I'll be starting my career here in the next month or so, and in my profession we address this sort of thing. And that is, helping people find direction and purpose. I'll give you my story and maybe it will help

I graduated college 5 years ago with a degree that led absolutely nowhere. I also didn't get my driver's license until I was almost 22, so I know what that feels like as well. The 3 years that followed college were some of the most depressing of my life. I had student loan debt and a degree from a reputable university, but I was working a part time minimum wage job. Not to mention, I was also nearly 70 pounds overweight. However I lost the weight and now I am excited to start my new career. My life is trending upwards.

STEP #1: Get that driver's license. A driver's license is independence. Getting one will give you an sense of accomplishment.

The first thing I want to tell you is that you don't need to worry about sex or girls right now. Throw that out the window. Sex is overrated without an emotional connection with the girl you're you're having sex with. If you're just having sex with her because she's hot and has a vagina, then there really is little difference between that and masturbation. You're just using her to get an orgasm the same you would use porn. After doing either, you still feel hollow and hopeless because it's just pointless temporary pleasure. Neither activity makes you more of a man no matter how society may portray the act. Sex is not what is most important in life and you will survive just fine without it. Look inside yourself and find your confidence and sense of manhood there. You won't find it in vaginas. The only thing you'll find there is womanhood, which is meant to complement manhood. It is not meant to create it.

Secondly, don't worry about getting a girlfriend right now either. Throw that out as well. As an adult, girlfriends require you to have two things: 1) emotional health and positive self image, and 2) A solid way to support yourself independently. Right now, if you were to jump into a relationship, you wouldn't be able to give the relationship what it needed in order to make it thrive. She would end up leaving and you would add heartbreak to your situation. The only way I would advise a relationship right now is if you met an absolutely amazing woman who was devoted to helping you and was willing to stick by your side no matter what. However, I would not make seeking a girl like that your number 1 priority right now.

So stop worrying about the girls. You need to focus on you and you alone. Be happy in who you are and not in attracting women.

As for me, the thing that got me out of my pit was some really, REALLY deep soul searching. I set aside my video games and spent hours searching for what made me tick. I looked at what I enjoyed most. What moments in my past life made me feel the most fulfilled? Notice I didn't say happy. Happiness is fleeting. Fulfillment lasts much longer. Don't spend too much time focusing on the video games, but rather the relationships you had with your friends. Were there any activities you participated in outside of the video games that made you come alive? Why did those activities make you feel that way?

After a year of doing this, what I found was that I loved getting to know people and helping them. In the end, I watched a video of a therapist working with amputees, and boom. That was it. I learned that I wanted to spend my life helping people who's lives had been wrecked by illness and/or injury. And guess what, it meant I practically had to start school over because my degree had nothing to do with what I wanted to do. Took me four more years of schooling before I could begin working in that field. But better that than to spend the rest of my life doing something I didn't enjoy.

So that is what you need to do. STEP #2: Find yourself. Learn who you are. Once you figure it out, you will have the direction and purpose you are looking for. And life will only get better from there. Find YOUR career path and chase it endlessly. NEVER GIVE UP AND DON'T LET ANYTHING STOP YOU!!!

I hope this helps!

 

Very interesting story my friend, I read it all. I can see what you are doing wrong in terms of mentality. Don't worry i'm here to help
you and not judge you, I was in a similar place a year ago. I've read a variety of books on self improvement, and I've had physical mentors with the millionaire mindset. Your first problem would have to be your negative mentality on life(again not judging, trying to help) , as shitty as life can get you always have to remain positive. A positive attitude leads to happiness and success and can change your whole life. If you look at the bright side of life, your whole life becomes filled with light. This light affects not only you and the way you look at the world, but it also affects your environment and the people around you. Now it all sounds alot easier than it is, but think of it this way.... did you know that those with a negative mindset are three times more likely to receive cancer at an earlier stage in their life? It has been scientifically proven that a positive mindset leads to a positive outcome. Just force yourself to think positively, and watch what you accomplish. I mean you're in great shape, like you said. That's fucking rad man, keep that up. And just because you're living at your mom's doesn't make you unintelligent. You sound like a great individual who truly just needs a push. I'd love to talk to you one on one sometime. Maybe I can aid you into recovery .

 

Just dropping in to say, some really nice posts in this thread!

 

A viber group is a great idea, and thanks evreybody for the sharing, its a motivational theard.

 

Your life story @loserinfact (I don't like this nickname because it describes something that you are not) is very interesting. But the most interesting is your honesty. It needs balls to share such things. I congratulate you!

I read your story carefully. Of what I have realised through your story, are the follows and please correct me if I am wrong.

You are a man highly ambitious but you didn't express this ambition correctly yet! You have the energy to make things works for you (your past proved this) but somehow you have put your ambition into sleep. But it's there man. You know that. Except of these, I can say that you are very sensitive and your deepest need is to create security, to feel safe. Well, the trick is to use your energy to make things happen, to use your ambition, to use your hard work to fill this need for security. I can understand that your thoughts can be lost into areas not very realistic but it will be useful if you tend this energy into more spiritual or artistic channels. Otherwise, there is the possibility to feel vague, lost and feels that reality somehow have slept through your hands. It will be wise to channel mind's energy into specific tasks instead of wondering around. I guess the video games describes very well what I mean. It is somehow your mind wants to live in another world, somewhere outside of reality! This can be constructively ONLY through spiritual reading or artistic activities, such music, painting etc which gives into the mind the ability to be lost in unconscious areas!!!!

I am not sure if you enjoyed the team work through the game's era or the travelling and the experiences that you earned from those trips. There is a touch of adventure here and anything that is dangerous, adventurous or innovative will have the highest appeal. Somehow, the work effort may be a key outlet or repository for nervousness. But of course this is only my opinion. You will start to build your big picture as you understand of what I am writing here when you read my text carefully.

I am sure that the last 5 years was a very transformative period for you and learned so many things about life that leads you today with totally transformed thoughts about your self and life in general. I am sure that you are a charismatic person who is ready to spread his winds and get ready to fly throughout life. It's time to do that. Don't you think so? Don't you think that it is a good time to make a new start? And do that with respect so for your self but for others too.

I am sure, sooner or later, the next 2 years you will find what you are looking for. You are ready. There is no need to keep your self protected from the world. The world is safe by itself. It's time to take care of your self. Don't you agree?

 

Look man, I wanted to reply to your thread because I feel for you and the situation you are in, I really do. First of all, I am 29..not much older than you. Boy have I been through everything you're talking about, and probably a whole lot more. ...
I share a lot of similarities with you life story. Grew up very happily, everything was perfect. I had the perfect childhood; intact parents and marriage - they took care of us, loved us. I was sheltered from the outside cruel world of dysfunction and disgusting-ness. I also excelled, and was naturally gifted at many different things. I was a talented sprinter, athletic, I was (and still am incredibly intelligent and smart) I am musically gifted as well as artistically, and I also find that I think I have a gift at writing. Also, I'd say that I am semi- to pretty attractive ....but so completely miserable as you stated. People just don't know. They think that if you look attractive you're (successful/happy/strapped/ ...no problems whatsoever, etc. ad inf.).

I don't want to go through my whole life story but will suffice to say a few things. One poster above, RyanRVA, really had something to say. I'd listen to it and take/ heed his advice. As simple or contrived as it may sound, those things he said were absolutely true; and they are the keys I believe. As I get older, and wiser, I'm finding the simple things are always most important. So listen to that guy. ..
The other thing is that - life sucks. It is horrible, it is ugly, disgusting and full of lies, iniquity, backstabbing, missed opportunities, abuse, loss, slandering, cheating, tyranny....whatever. I could go on.. and on. But this is all there; that's the way it is, but there are certain rules in life you must play by - or you will suffer interminably - until you correct them and live your life. That's just the way things are. There is much beauty, life, love, gratitude, ......gentleness, virtue, loyalty, friendship, honesty, temperance, subtlety, too as well...but we don't want to acknowledge this very dark/painful side which is a part. It is the flipside of a coin, a yin-yang. All of these things together, with one another.

I've struggled through my twenties like you did. I came up, had a really hard time in puberty with depression/anxiety and things of that nature. It was really hard. Devastatingly hard. I was shipped off to shrinks, docs, told to take pills...this and that etc. I was even in hospital many times. To say it was hell was shortsighted and understatement of understatement. It was absolute sheer excruciating misery. Now I'm not sure exactly entirely why I have encountered so many problems in this particular area- I think there are many reasons as to why. You could probably write a doctoral dissertation on it. Military dad, youngest brother, sensitive, anxious and naturally sensitive "neurotic temperament". Whatever. I also traveled a lot and every two years moved. I've lived overseas and that will shift you/ change you. It's confusing. There are many different reasons.
One thing is, you have to stop embracing weakness, or being weak. This is probably what no one here or anywhere, will tell you. It's the truth - it's the truth to everything and to surviving, making it in life. It's the truth to happiness the truth to everything, really. You have to stop being weak. Now you will never stop being weak but you can stop embracing it and work on fortifying yourself with the strengths. Life is not for the weak. The weak die, or they exist in a welfare state. I'm not calling you weak - just telling you what you need to do. There is a whole lot of bullshit in this world and dependencies (which benefit a whole lot of people in some way/shape or form), excuses.....I call them "cocoons" of people. Like instead of embracing life is hard people will opt out, take drugs... complain...or sink farther and farther into nowhereland. And that's now very acceptable. However, don't do it please.
What helped me was to read on some pure wisdom and knowledge/ spiritual wisdom or insight. I had to disconnect from this toxic contemporary world and reconnect with something healthy and pure/strong/true. I found it in the bible, in the new testament. SO many of those things are true. Treat others as you want to be treated. The judgement you give will be meted unto you, etc. These are the "rules" I was talking about earlier. So many of us forget them or lose touch with them. But you can find them anywhere, doesn't have to be only the bible. Aesop's Fables is a good book to read, for example. We operate as a prism works with light; you receive the light and split out its colors onto everybody. They in turn receive Light and do the same. We are all reflecting and interpreting these rays..and that's how it works. So receive your light and reflect it well. Turn your focus onto what you want and shine it out...you'll receive it.
There are times this doesn't always work for example. I went in to work today.. feeling really shitty right from waking up - I guess I went to be depressed last night or something. ...I carried it into work with me. I start reflecting those rays off other people. I become paranoid they are thinking bad of me, will get angry with me. Etc. In other words everything - was through the filter. Other days are not so bad. Today...it seemed particularly bad; I had two supervisors come up to me today, one tell me how to do my job, the other, also telling me how to do my job; both - as if I weren't doing a good enough job of my job! ...I got angry inside because I had felt I was and am doing good work, and couldn't understand why these remarks. But, other people have bad days too. So it's so important to keep your rays clean, because it is that much simpler to tell what's coming from you and what's not. Today, I couldn't tell because my mindstate was jaded, how much I was interpreting or ....how much was actually there. THat's very bad and can set you up for problems. When you put out dirt you'll get it back and then things become perpetually confusing. How much more simpler to put out only the good.

Probably the most important thing I've learned, and I think, the cornerstone - is humility. A sense of humility (which is taught in the New testament)....will let you see yourself as you are, it will stop you running. It will decimate your ego, so you can see clearly and form your life from a healthy and sturdy place. SO you can work on yourself and make changes. These people really knew what they were talking about; and believe me it wasn't about them. Similar wisdom can be found in the Tao Te Ching.

I hope this helps. I kind of typed it out quick and dirty. It was just the thoughts on my mind, trying to help you.
Thank you for your feelings and insights.

I hope you reading this helps you as much as me writing it, and reading your story, helped me.
God bless.

 

Some good stuff here. The Bible helped me out too. In fact, devoting myself to study it and learning about God is what probably helped me more than anything else. It gave me hope, something I hadn't felt in a long time back in those days. I believed God had a plan and purpose for me, and all I had to do was ask Him what it was, and then believe He would show me when the time was right.

Also, I like what you had to say about humility. It really is key. The thing is, most people can't tell the difference between pride and confidence, and humility and insecurity. Humility and confidence is knowing who you are, nothing more and nothing less. The humble person is happy with who he is. He knows what he can do and cannot do, and he is confident in that. He doesn't feel the need to show off because he doesn't need to affirm anything to himself, and he isn't worried about what other people think.

Pride is an overinflated sense of self worth. This person believes he is capable of more than he really is. He shows off because he is worried about just that; that he can't really do what he thinks he can do. This person is destined for an ugly fall. Meanwhile, insecurity is the opposite of pride, and it's just as bad.

 

Wow! I am inspired by your Story bro!
Godspeed to all of us!

 

Glad it helped bro!