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I'm tired - 3y on NoFap

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Deleted Account, Aug 31, 2015.

  1. 4 days ago was my 3rd anniversary on NoFap. I have learned much during first 2 years. I have gained cofidence and became more sociable happy person. But still, from the beginning of this year, I have relapsed more than 100 times (!) It's my shame and sin. I don't know what is happening. I could go for more than 20 days without any effort a year ago. Now, 3(!) days are so hard for me, that I'm going insane.
    Don't say "try to stay busy". I'm trying. I'm doing workout, going for a walk, reading books, praying, meditate and learning from this site, since I have read many of articles on YBON. I can't say I'm doing all for this challenge, but I'm tired.
    Yes, I'm tired after 3 years of doing this challenge and losing. Why am I going straight down? It's going worse and worse. I supported myself even with this motivational quotes, books by Anthony Robbins and other stuff.
    Tried 'reward system', where you reward yourself every few days, that you go without fap (like prize for staying clear for 3 days). With passing time, the prize is less rewarding.
    I'm going to work (I have technician title from tech-school). I'm really hyped, because it will take a lot of time from me, but also afraid, that it will not help me, but only make me more tired.
    I have relapsed today and I have job interview tomorrow. I'm not a type that will stress yourself before something like that, but after relapse I'm getting bad thoughts.
    Stress because of losing, job and what will be in the future is so big for me, that I'm releasing it with fapping. I don't want it. I want to be better man.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 31, 2015
  2. nitsuj0786

    nitsuj0786 Fapstronaut

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    I feel you pain as i have relapsed many times to and it can get tiring from doing so many days without pmo and then where 2-3 days are hard. Motivation alone wont get you very far, it is discipline. What it seems like is you are dealing with a chaser effect right now, I will post a video about it. Now for trying to quit porn you have to ask yourself are you truly ready to quit for good. You need to ask yourself seriously, you need to come to a serious conclusion. As long as you have a small part of you that leaves that window open you will have a hard time. You can't quit pmo and not also quit porn altogether. I'm going to post two videos from the same guy. He also has a book that i suggest reading, it is small and is on kindle.

     
    LongWayHome likes this.
  3. nitsuj0786

    nitsuj0786 Fapstronaut

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    The second one has multiple things but also explains the chaser effect in it and why it may be hard to get a good streak going on. When we relapse, it is sometimes hard to get back on a good streak again. We have a ton of stuff that we used to cover up with pmo so when we relapse we try to do the same thing of covering up certain feelings. You have the chaser effect, then you feel bad about relapsing so you can cover up that bad feeling with more pmo. Motivation get you so far I suggest discipline, it can get you far. Every urge you face can't sustain itself on it's on. I suggest you truly experience these urges but let them simply pass through. As long as you don't fantasize they will eventually leave. These youtube channels will also help Noah B.E. Church, Reboot Nation, and Sacred Sexuality Project. Check these out and they might help you. Here is another good video about motivation
     
    WOTL and LongWayHome like this.
  4. Booster

    Booster Fapstronaut

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    Feel for you @LongWayHome , Im sure you will have a lot of people trying to help and maybe someone will say something that helps you out.
    All i would say is stop doing what you've been doing and try something different, what ever your doing isn't working for you, doing the same thing over and over and constant failing is just making your mindset worse.
     
    nfprogress, Moni and LongWayHome like this.
  5. sirfapstinence

    sirfapstinence Fapstronaut

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    Hang in there man. I'm sure you'll overcome this.
     
    sam2347 and LongWayHome like this.
  6. atak

    atak Fapstronaut

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    If you know why you fapping, then you can find out how you can stop fapping. Knowing one's triggers is important. Do you PMO out of boredom, depression, or something else? If you don't fix the causation of you fapping, you can't fix your fap behavior. For example if you are depressed about something find somebody you can talk with. If you are lonely find friends. N1 reason why people are addict is because of emotional isolation. Also you don't need to reinvent the wheel. Read tons of journals of successful people on this site and gain the wisdom they gained in a fraction of the time.
     
  7. keepitreal-88

    keepitreal-88 Fapstronaut

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    Yes find your triggers and have a plan for when they occur.

    From reading posts on here since joining recently it seems like many people make too much of a big deal out of trying not to fap and focus on it too much. The fact is, when your constantly focused on trying not to do something your giving it too much attention and not getting it out of your head. You're giving power to that thing and making it a bigger issue than it needs to be. You could try changing your identity with regards to quitting, such as committing and accepting that your never going to fap again. See yourself as a nonfapper or whatever, thats just who you are and move on.
     
    LongWayHome likes this.
  8. nitsuj0786

    nitsuj0786 Fapstronaut

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    Along with what @keepitreal-88 said it is really hard to just say to yourself can't fap can't fap. Most likely if you are saying this then you haven't truly wanted to give up whatever made you fap. If you don't want to watch P so you don't PMO anymore then truly give it up. Right now you might be a guy that watches porn, so be a guy that just doesn't watch porn. Maybe you are a guy that fantasizes, be a guy that doesn't fantasize. And let's be honest although a thought might come in your head you have to actively think about it to keep it going. All of this will take practice though and I'm not sure which problem I would rather have. But I do know that other people have had these problems and overcome them. People that are not better, smarter, or more special than you are. When a temptation becomes to much then have a fail safe of something to do at that moment. But I would suggest that when you have an urge truly allow yourself to feel that urge. Let it flow through you and pass, if you don't act on the urge but let it pass you practice discipline. And it works like a muscle. When it is too much for your discipline right now act on your fail safe. Good luck and you can do this.
     
    LongWayHome likes this.
  9. Thank you for all your answers. Now I'm making a new strategy, when I'm not fighting with myself, but building new habits. When there are some triggers, I just say "I don't need this" and pass this. This gives me confidence, that I have power of making decisions in my life - even these little ones.

    @nitsuj0786 , I forgot how hard is to be durable during these first days. You remind me of this and I wanna thank you for all what you're doing. Chaser effect is horrible and I forgot about it! Damn me. I know that you're struggling with this too. I hope we will reboot someday together (hopefully in next 89 days!). I made a decision - I want to leave PMO behind me and go forward.

    @Booster - thank you. You gave me confidence to look for new ways to go over PMO. I was taking cold showers everyday - even on cold days, when I didn't have mood for this. Now, every time before cold shower I ask myself "Will it work for me?" and if I'm in mood for it - I go for it. Nothing on force. Thank you again.

    @sirfapstinence thank you for kind words. I hope we will soon achieve reboot! Hang in there!

    @atak yeah I know about causes of this. Yet I don't know how to fight boredom, loneliness or something else. If the time will come I will figure out what is the best for me (ofc without PMO). I'm sociable person, yet I like to sit at home and do my stuff. It's how I am. I need to learn many new things.

    @keepitreal-88 This time I made real decision about PMO, so there's no option I can fail. I can move on. I will move on.
     
  10. It's your choice to relapse every time you do so; you need to tap into your desires and want a different life badly enough.
     
  11. atak

    atak Fapstronaut

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    So like I said you first need to find out how you can fight your loneliness, depression and other triggers that cause you to masturbate to feel better. If you don't solve the underlying reasons then it is impossible to solve your addiction.
     
  12. Anti-Porn Army Soldier

    Anti-Porn Army Soldier Fapstronaut

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    Emotional Isolation, couldnt have said better than that. I do it because of boredom and a lack of social circle.
     
  13. Thechosenone

    Thechosenone Fapstronaut

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    Try a thing called 'autosuggestion' its the act of ingraining a positive sentence into your subconscious through speaking it. Tell yourself you're the type of guy who doesn't PMO constantly.
     
  14. Golgo 13

    Golgo 13 Fapstronaut

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    You have to want it bad. Set a strict goal, and let that be above everything. Your job, your kids, your wife, etc.

    Otherwise you'll fail.
     
  15. Davion Jones

    Davion Jones Fapstronaut

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    Humble yourself under the mighty hand of God and He will give you strength and deliver your spirit in the mighty name of Jesus just as He has done with me, so shall he do the same with you. It's been over 2 years since Jesus delivered me from masturbation and pornography and it street when I got down on my knees and my face and told Him yes and here I am to surrender all to you. And my walk and my relationship with the FATHER has gotten closer than I could have ever thought-- when I told Him yes and repented. And He has filled my life so much since then, and I have grown and matured in Him by the power of the Holy Ghost. Humility before God is key--- and He will heal, set, free, save and deliver in the place that you're in right now.
     
  16. Gilbert

    Gilbert Fapstronaut

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    Great that you've been here for so long, but sad to hear you're struggling.

    Truthfully, I'd recommend finding someone in real life to confide in pal. Maybe a church friend/vicar, close friend or even a counsellor would help. I think NoFap is fantastic but can feel limiting in the emotional support/accountability it offers.
     

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