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I've reached 90 days. How did I do it? A short summary. :)

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Deleted Account, Feb 23, 2014.

  1. So, it’s been exactly 90 days since I last watched porn or masturbated. I was planning to do a long summary on how I did this, but I changed my mind, I will only on focus on two key things. But before I get to that, a short overview.

    Background:
    I’ve been watching porn since 12, starting with softcore, going to hardcore gradually. I’ve always kept my feet on the ground, never went to extremities. I’m living alone, I’m single, for 1,5 years. Hadn’t had sex since then.

    Reasons to quit:
    I was living my life just fine with PMO (1-2 times a day) I hadn’t had ED or social anxiety, but I wanted to reduce the chances of those things happening later, and I want to be able to say to my future gf that I don’t watch porn. I also realised that PMO isn’t helping my loneliness a bit, which was the key factor for me using it.

    Achievement:
    So I did this cold turkey, hard mode, and first attempt. Yeah, that’s the probably most brutal way, but it IS possible and I wanted results, not to just mess around.

    Now you know where I come from and what did I do, so let’s move on to the two most important thing i found out during nofap. These things made me quit, so don’t underestimate their power.

    First: Take the challenge seriously, but don’t overestimate it.

    A lot of guys make a big mistake here. For me it was key, that I took full responsibility for my addiction, that it was me, who developed it, and if I was able to create it, I can tear it down. So at this point it wasn’t a question if I can quit or not, but the only question was HOW can I quit. I knew I can do it, I just had to figure a way out. I didn’t take it lightly, but I knew that I can overcome it. So, don’t overestimate it.
    I also took the challenge very seriously, and I did the things that are mentioned here. I stopped looking at tirggering material in the first month, I started a journal, and updated it frequently, and I enlisted the help of two of my female friends to be accountability partners. It was awkward to talk about this to them, but they were very supportive, and well worth it. So I did everything to keep myself on track, and this proved to be vital.

    Second: break the cycle, do not hide from it.

    PMO addiction is a cycle. You see something triggering, you make an automatic reaction, then you have results. Porn-masturbation-orgasm. This is how it goes. Imagine this as a slide. Trigger on the top, result at the bottom. If you start to look at something triggering, you start sliding down and the longer you stay on the slide, the faster it'll become and the harder it becomes to stop. And it goes in a loop, we all know this all too wel.
    There is two methods to approach the problem. First: do not sit on the slide. This method means that you stay away from triggering stuff, but you leave the cycle intact. It means that you can stay clean for as long as you don’t see triggering material, but if you do see, the circuit stays ready and whoosh, you’re going down the slide again without noticing it. Thing is, it’s virtually impossible to always hide from triggering stuff, and while this method is very effective in the beginning, it’s not sustainable.

    So instead of hiding, I chose to break down the cycle, cutting it half between the trigger and the reaction part. I realised that I have willpower and free will, and even if I do see triggering material, I don’t have to act upon it. No matter what I see, I can resist the temptation. Anything goes here as long as you don't touch yourself. After a while, the cycle collapses totally. For me it was around 60 days. I don’t have to hide from anything, because I won’t act, no matter what I see.
    I used the first method in the first month, then enlisted the second, and it worked just fine.

    I hope I could shed some light on what did I do, and maybe some of you find it helpful. Just think about it. There is no golden rule in nofap, each of us has different backgrounds, so naturally, the way to quit is different for all of us. Experiment, think, adjust.

    What now? While I enjoyed the benefits of nofap, there are some drawbacks. There is too much testosterone in my body, and it messes with my brain just as PMO did. It makes me emotionally unstable, and it is not sustainable. This is because I’m single and I don’t go for sex-only relationships. So I chose to go back to MO, twice a month. Should be sustainable, while still enjoying the benefits of nofap as much as it is possible. Porn is out for good and I don’t even miss it.

    Thanks for the support guys, it’s been an incredible journey. I congratulate everyone who reaches it’s goals with nofap. Stay strong!
    But now it’s time to celebrate, have a drink on my tab! Cheers!

    EarthDragon
     
  2. chris33

    chris33 Fapstronaut

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    Well done mate, your a motivation to us all
     
  3. Determined

    Determined Fapstronaut

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    Indeed, a most inspiring story! :)
    Good on you
     
  4. nobingeing

    nobingeing Fapstronaut

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    Thank you EarthDragon. You are my role model. Its enlightening to now that you managed to succeed for 90 days in your first attempt, and I am determined to follow suit in the face of multiple attempts by my irrational brain to convince me to relapse. I have read your posts and your advice is always interesting and relate-able!

    All the way fapstronauts! Cheers to EarthDragon's Victory!^^
     
  5. darth

    darth Fapstronaut

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    That's very helpful. Thank you.
     
  6. Spartan

    Spartan Fapstronaut

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    I must say that I want to be you are EarthDragon. I agree 100%, although I want to cut out Fap'ing indefinitely. I believe we can force the body to accept that the only outlet for its sexual needs is a real, honest and loving commitment to another human being.

    Nonetheless, stay spartan !
     
  7. Of course, you can, but there will be consequences. It varies with each person, for me, the cost (emotional insatiblity) was too high. In a minute I was calm as Yoda, and in the next one I was Anakin, butchering kid jedis without a second thought. You get the idea. Though these symptoms did not become noticeable for almost 70 days. Anyway, I will only MO until I find a decent gf, there is no need for it after that.

    Thank you guys, I appreciate the recognition, you all can do it! Never back down!
     
  8. Mark

    Mark Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    Good on you Earth Dragon and great to read your unique and interesting perspective, great stuff:eek:
     
  9. jbanth77

    jbanth77 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the post. I really like the way you approached the challenge in various stages i.e. that what works in the beginning may not be what sustains you for the duration of the challenge.

    I also really appreciate your honesty with regards to the drawbacks. I've experienced a few of these myself, including anger, and I'm still trying to find things to do when the PMO urge strikes me (perhaps Tetris..?).

    And that is probably the most difficult thing: to essentially put myself in an unfamiliar situation wherein I must find an outlet for my energy, with both PMO and MO not being an option. And it's tough. I didn't realize how much time I wasted on the Internet with non-productive, pleasure-seeking activity simply as a means to occupy my downtime and expend my energy.

    All that being said, I feel much better when boredom and time-filling is my challenge rather than PMO. By this, I mean that rather than defining my difficulty as being centered on that which I do not want to do, my question now becomes, "Who do I really want to be?". With freedom comes challenges, and this is one which I really need to start facing.
     
  10. thomas59160

    thomas59160 Fapstronaut

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    Congratulations :)

    I'm really curious to know your feelings after that first relapse and then a couple of days later. Please keep us informed
     
  11. William

    William Fapstronaut

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    Congratulations EarthDragon!

    I am glad you reached your goal on your own terms.

    Good luck on your journey.
     
  12. Fungry4Success

    Fungry4Success Fapstronaut

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    Where to go EarthDragon! Your story is one of the most inspiring I've read so far. Celebrate and set your blazing flames on those bitches you monster! :)
     
  13. tom1987

    tom1987 Fapstronaut

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    great story! I defo want to rid myself of PMO! 11 days in! I think like you I may MO a few times a month even though in a relationship.
     
  14. fredisthebes

    fredisthebes Fapstronaut

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    Really inspiring post, thanks for sharing. And congratulations!
     
  15. aron

    aron Fapstronaut

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    Really enjoyed the slider metaphor. Once you experience triggers you are putting yourself on the slide and it gets harder and harder to stop. My own metaphor is a snowball rolling down a hill, getting bigger and bigger, and thus more difficult to stop. Anyways, what you did, and on the first try, wasn't easy, so congrats.
     
  16. jjjGGG

    jjjGGG New Fapstronaut

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    excellent post man thanks for the help. I have been doing NoFap for three days and am dying. However I want the positive benefits. I broke down and looked at porn earlier, I definitely noticed the slide effect. I resisted the urge though and shut if off.
     
  17. Thank you guys, I really appreciate your comments!

    So, I did 3 MO sessions yesterday, as it was planned and I experienced some unexpected things.

    1: Even starting to arouse myself made all the muscles flex in my abs region, causing me to use the toilet...fast. This is very private information, but if it'd have happened with a girl...? Ouch...

    2: I became incredibly sensitive. This was expected but not this much. Again, if it would have happened with a girl I wouldn't have lasted for a minute. Or half a minute. Imagine the embarrassement! You abstain for fuck knows how many days then you finally get to have sex with a girl and you come even by looking at her. Daaamn. What's more, the two other MO sessions had the same results. A few strokes and bam, it's over.
    So if anyone experiencing desenzitized penis because of excessive fapping, stay clean for 90 days, it will sure fix the problem...by creating a new one. Then again I'm single, and hadn't had sex in 1,5 years so it was expected. Just make sure you keep this in mind.

    3: My feelings. Of course it was incredible, damn, I'd have put Peter North to shame! (If you don't know who he is, don't search for him. :D) Naturally I became much more calm, a lot of tension have been released from my body, but the feeling of emptyness came back shortly after. There were no guilt, since I knew what I was doing, but I think I should be able to hold myself for another two weeks. I was afraid that I might push myself down the slippery slope, so I'll need to face a different challenge this time. I'm optimistic for now.

    Stay strong guys! The 90 days abstination was totally worth it!
     
  18. R.C

    R.C Fapstronaut

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    So whats the point if you're just gonna relapse anyway ? What happens now ?
     
  19. theonlyoption

    theonlyoption Fapstronaut

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    Congratulations on your success! It's always great to read these stories.
     
  20. Arjun

    Arjun Fapstronaut

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    Congrats EarthDragon. Salute your effort and achievement and recreating a new, better self of you! Respect
     

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