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Life Goals - Motivational Speech

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by santeria13, Aug 14, 2015.

  1. santeria13

    santeria13 Fapstronaut

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    This may take a few minutes of your time to read, but bear with me.

    One of the things that I feel has a big part to play in a lot of our stories is that we aren't substantially driven or motivated in other parts of our life and hence why so many of us reverted to PMO and other addictions in the past to provide that short moment of happiness and something to look forward to most days, essentially forgetting/not prioritising that the rest of our life is not up to standard. I'm not saying we're all bums and sit around all day doing nothing because I certainly didn't. However, when you sit there and consider what you really want in life, and about the person that you really want to be, are you on that road? Or are you simply telling yourself, as did I, that somehow I will get there and everything will fall into place somehow. WRONG. This mindset is poison. We have to make it happen. We have to actively set our goals and pursue them with passion, energy and commitment and only then will we truly be able to achieve what we really want in life and what we are truly capable of. When there is a strong enough will, there is a way and I've seen that in many parts of life prior to my 'awakening' per se where when I've really wanted and actively worked towards something, it becomes possible.

    Think about those people that you see that have everything going for them, and seem to have some sort of unexplainable 'luck' that makes everything fall in place. The reality is, in most cases, this person created their luck through positive thinking, hard work and determination. They know what they want and they're going after it and most likely still haven't got to where they want because they are always setting new goals and aiming to be better.

    So do we all want to be that guy who has little self control, gives in to impulses and likely suffers from other issues such as social anxiety/depression as a result? We already all know the answer and that is why we are here but what I am trying to get across is that you should also focus on bettering yourself as a person and actively pursue your interests and goals whilst thinking of abstaining from PMO as just ONE of these goals, greatly aiding you in becoming that person that you imagine you can be. Think about the daydreams/fantasises you have throughout your life. I myself know that in a lot of them, I imagine myself as some sort of cocky superhero/prince charming character, completely in control of my life, and admired by those around me. I imagine myself as a magnet of self confidence, giving energy to all those who interact with me. Then I wake up, and I tell myself oh well, one day I'll finally be that person, once 'everything comes together' and I truly realise who I am and what I am capable of. Again, wrong! You have to make everything come together and you have to WORK HARD for it and of course there will be bumps and obstacles along the way, but that person I and most likely yourselves imagine, shits on those obstacles and gets back up to carry on fighting for what they want, knowing that each obstacle is just there to make us even stronger.

    I'm currently on holiday, with limited access to the internet or much to do around me and I think everyone could benefit from taking a few days in isolation to truly reflect and think deeply about the person they want to become and want they want to achieve/take from life. This period of isolation has helped me massively in finally reaching the mindset I need to overcome this addiction and I know it's only a matter of time before it's part of my history, and ONE of the things that will guide me towards where I really want to be in life. I've realised in previous attempts to cut PMO, I was still determined to quit, but was doing it mainly for sexual reasons and so that I could finally have sex with a girl when the opportunity arised, after several failed and emotionally painful attempts. Furthermore, because of this mindset, I didn't really consider the other aspects of my life and what else was bothering me deep down, because I believed at the time, yeah sure once I get over this and am able to finally have sex, everything will finally be better and no more problems.(overly simplified train of thought - but I hope you understand what I mean by this). Here, with my thoughts to myself, I realised so many other things that were wrong in my life that I always knew deep down were problems but never really actively addressed or brought them to surface. Essentially, it was a period of deep self awareness and reflection.

    I began to write down my current goals. It is important to take it one step at a time. Think of it as climbing a ladder. Set yourself some goals for the near future and work actively towards achieving them. If you fall off the ladder, no problem. Get off your ass and get back on, for this is what that person you want to be, would do. When you finally achieve them, which you will, set a new set of goals which you will have already probably started thinking about whilst completing the previous ones, because this is what such a mindset achieves. By making quitting PMO, just one of my goals, it puts it into perspective of how potentially unmotivated/damaged I currently was in other ways as well and hence it becomes less of a problem in the bigger picture. I am going to use this thread as a personal tracker, example for other readers, and a reference to come back to whenever I'm feeling a bit down in the dumps, which is inevitable because this is what quitting these addictions will do to you. Your brain is healing and readjusting. It is important to learn to be comfortable with your discomfort here though, rather than using it as an excuse to relapse; because these are the times when you will reflect and are a sign you are going in the right direction. Before I came on this holiday, I was suffering from depression I didn't even know was there and was even slightly down before I started writing this and is what caused me to share my thoughts with everyone, and as a result I am now feeling empowered once again.

    GOALS:

    1. Abstain from PMO hard mode for a full 200 days and more if I truly feel I am not fully healed by the end of the process. It is important to interact with women while I do this, further increasing my social skills and using my ever increasing libido(flatlines aside -they will pass) as energy to do this. As many have said, their increased sex drive from abstaining makes you a lot more motivated to just go and chat to people you are attracted to. The tip that best works for me when I feel the urge to relapse? Either getting out the house and doing something active or if that's not possible, I open a new tab and learn more about one of my interests. Since I've discovered NoFap and through resisting many urges, I have become a lot more knowledgable in fields of which I was always enthusiastic but never active in learning more about. I'm no angel though, I relapsed right before coming on holiday, before I truly got thinking about all of these things and am currently back on day 6; fighting urges stronger than in any of my previous attempts(good sign), largely due to this mindset I am forcing into my life.

    2. I am an excessive spender and this largely due to my weed addiction. I am going to limit myself to 1/5 of what I am currently smoking and hence spend 1/5th of the money, to which point it is just another thing I do to enjoy, just like watching TV shows and playing video games, rather than my focal point of spending. Everything you enjoy, that distracts you from reality is dangerous if not taken in moderation.

    3. Completely quit cigarettes. Cold Turkey. I have set the date for when I return from holiday in 3 days and will carry it through with conviction. I have never actually tried quitting properly before, due to a lack of reason/motivation but after such self reflection, have decided it is time.

    4. Stop eating whatever I want, whenever I want. I'm not overweight but this leads to three things. Lack of self control, bad health and a lot of money spent on junk. I will now actively plan my diet, making sure I make it severely more balanced and will learn to cook several different meals/dishes in order to help with my goal. Along with eating a lot more fruits/vegetables.

    5. Use my extra money, from cutting several bad habits, to save up for my dream motorbike that I have always said I was going to buy, but never had the motivation or drive to actually pursue it. Again, I fell into the trap of thinking it would eventually just come into my arms, despite my lack of effort.

    6. Currently entering second year of university, studying a course I thoroughly enjoy. I got a 2:1 this year without putting in the required effort and spent a lot of days sitting around and smoking weed with my friends where we should have been studying/completing assignments. I will work to my utmost best to achieve a first class degree when I graduate, along with taking a year in the industry(was previously unenthusiastic about the idea due to laziness.)

    7. Build a good home/gym workout routine. Trust me, you don't have to go to a gym to get ripped. All it takes is the required discipline/exercises at home along with a strong diet in order to make that possible. Of course, Gym makes it a lot easier and works better for some people but this depends, at least with me, on the money it would cost to do so.

    8. Cut/limit contact with those in your life who put you down or suffer from negative mindsets. There a few people in my life who tend to make me feel bad about myself, who I previously considered good friends and hence the reluctance to believe they were actually negatively influencing my mindset. Get rid of them. You don't need anyone in your life who doesn't treat you as you deserve to be treated and people who put you down are not true friends. Focus on socializing and building friendships with those who make you feel better about yourself.

    And there you have it. I really hope reading this has motivated people to think past PMO, even though it is certainly one of the biggest problems for most of us, and to also concentrate on where they want to be in life. Remember that the person you want to be, would be able to quit and live a life free of bad habits/addictions with ease. They would take their current goals and complete them, despite the inevitable hardships and obstacles along the way. This is going to sound cheesy, but JUST DO IT, and working towards your goals and the results you will see, will make you happier than you can ever imagine. You'll be one step closer to being that person we all daydream about here and there. That person is there in all of us, they're just waiting for us to stop whining, stop being passive and BE that person.
     
    Last edited: Aug 15, 2015
    chinchilla808 likes this.
  2. chinchilla808

    chinchilla808 Fapstronaut

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    Fantastic post! Your section on WORKING HARD definitely resonated with me. Your Goal #2 made me reflect on my own past experiences with Mary Jane. I truly believe that if I had continued getting high I would not be successful with NoFap. And when you think about it is not smoking weed analogous to getting high off porn? In my experience both would cause a near ecstasy which would come crashing down later that day and I would feel dissatisfied with myself upon coming to, and my energy would be significantly diminished. Granted everyone responds differently to weed, but I really do feel it may be socially debilitating. I had a difficult time "just hanging out" with friends, and I would anxiously (either verbally or not) wonder when I would able to get high next. In short my pot-obsessed mind did not allow me to truly connect with people.

    Some helpful self-questions might be, "Is this something I'm proud of?" and "Is smoking weed helping me become the STRONGEST VERSION OF MYSELF?" I wish you the best of luck in your journey to become the strongest version of yourself.
     
    santeria13 likes this.
  3. santeria13

    santeria13 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for reading bro! Totally agree. I have had many of the symptoms you describe and as you said would be disillusioned by the feeling of ecstasy it made me feel. I was also very often found wondering when would be the next time I could get high and it would make me anxious. My social anxiety is definately partly down to weed and the feelings it gives me however I feel it is also as a result of my undisciplined lifestyle as a whole and hence why I have decided to limit it to such a degree. I'm most certainly considering the possibility of cutting it off completely if I truly feel it is hampering my life after reducing it to 1/5th of what I used to smoke. Essentially, I am treating it like an addicting video game. There's no harm in enjoying it every now and then and when I smoke it, it will only be after I have completed everything I want to do that day sober. By putting a control/limit on the addiction I feel it will make me feel a lot better. Eventually, I do plan to cut it completely but with my current social circle/age and environment it will be hard and hence why I have started off by just limiting it. I know many ex-alcoholics who limit themselves to a glass of wine every other day and they say it was a great way to overcome their addiction and make them feel in control again. Another of my friends who previously smoked 40-50 pounds worth of weed a day, has now limited himself to buying the same amount in a week and he said it has done wonders for him in confidence and control. As you said, everyone is different however, and I must see for myself how it really works out and not just how I want it to work out.
     
  4. santeria13

    santeria13 Fapstronaut

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    Currently on day 12 of no PMO. Had one of those days where from the very start I felt like crap and felt very inclined to relapse. It got to the stage I had pretty much accepted a relapse was coming but I am sitting here writing this now before going to sleep and managed to fight off the urge and get my mind thinking straight again. It is the first time I have managed to fight off the urge once my mind has pretty much already accepted that a relapse is coming. Took a real battle with the 'voice inside your head' so to speak. Feels amazing! Workouts are becoming more intense and energetic and have not smoked a cigarette in 5 days. Also begun to learn how to ride a 400cc motorbike of which I've always been meaning to do but never got round to it due to that passiveness and not making it happen. Great progress and I hope all you others out there are experiencing similar success :)
     

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