Madonna / Whore complex

I can't tell you in words how much I can relate to this.
Unlike you Treason I ended up dating a Madonna. The sex with her was so good I just couldn't push her away.
I dated her for a year, treated her like a princess. We broke up just before this Christmas.

When we broke up it was such a blessing in disguise.

I instantly started resenting these Crazy Girls.

I find myself now very attracted to an older woman who happens to be a virgin.
This attraction isn't a physical one but an intellectual one, I think about her all the time. When I wake up and before I go to bed.
But since there is no physically intimacy in the slightest yet I find myself very tempted to chase more Madonna's. They are around in abundance, and know exactly what to do or what to say to acquire them.

The older woman is different. She's smart. It's a harder game to play.

This power struggle is crippling.

 

It's because you're separating the two concepts in your mind.

There needs to be a mid ground of sexual attraction and mental compatibility,

I'm not trying to make that sound easy because it's next to god damn impossible.

I just recently feel like I'm discovered a person that fits after running through an awful lot of Madonna's, and I'm so unsure if she'll even end up mine.

I've already relapsed with Madonna's out of self pity from not being able to obtain this proud, self motivated woman.

Madonna's are more of a problem for me than PMO

 

I can't tell from your post, OP, if you have a sense of self-identity or not. What I'm asking is, is do you put on an act so often that you feel uncomfortable when you're alone?

 

Treason I don't know how you feel about this but for me I can definitely say that sometimes I'm a little more.. Unsure of myself when I'm alone? Unsure might be the best word.

Again for me it's not like that act makes me feel like a completely different person I just makes me feel like I'm trying to demonstrate an A Game personality comparative to a job interview in a different sense.

 

That's a place where I've been for over 6 years and struggled a lot with this double identity crisis. I am a nice guy by nature but how do I project that without being friendzoned? I also don't want to be an asshole just to get sex. Should I be an asshole to get the girl, then after the girl sleeps with me, should I transition to my nice-guy self?

In the end I just decided to drop the asshole act, project the nice-guy self with a pinch of sexual interest and let the girls that like me to come naturally to me. Its not that easy to get to this point, but it can be done. For me it just took some self-acceptance.

 

i can relate to this issue, and i believe its at the core of my sexual addiction. when i first starting dating my wife many years ago, i had no problem treating her like a sexual object. the sex was great. then somewhere along the line, i stopped looking at her in that way. i can't put my finger on why, as she didn't change at all, and was still as attractive. in any event, i began to outlet my sexual urges on porn.

i still loved my wife (gf at the time), and eventually married her. this progressed over the years, i became less and less interested in sex with her, and more interested in porn or other women i would meet at bars when out with buddies,etc. pretty much any half decent looking woman that wasn't my wife could get me going.

fast forward 8 years, i am still with her and have a couple kids, we are overall a happy family in many ways, but i remain not sexually attracted to her. the whole while i having been getting by on porn, had a couple of affairs, a couple one night stands, etc. but never really been caught by her in the act.

she is no dummy, and i have had several candid conversations with her over the years regarding my lack of sexual interest in her, but i stop short of telling her the full story about the porn, etc, as i don't want to hurt her, as dumb as that sounds. for the record, she is still attractive by many standards and is open to trying new things with me. but the idea of that is still a bit of turn off. as strange as it sounds, i would be more interested in trying new things with other women, just not her.

anyhow, here i am giving nofap a go, hoping that perhaps it will steer me in the right direction back to my wife, which is where i want to be with my family. i figure if shut down all other stimuli, maybe i will start being attracted to her again in that way? i know this will be challenging as there are so many distractions along the way as i sure do love the ladies.