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Addicted to RECOVERY?! [A must read for people who have been on nofap for six months or more]

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by suyash_4376, Jul 24, 2015.

  1. suyash_4376

    suyash_4376 Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys, Suyash here...

    This post is intended as a shout out to every veteran rebooter out there, u may be running in this never ending loop...

    I call it "the insulting philosopher". I am sure evryone has fallen in this trap atleast once. Ok, I ll start by sharing my habits....

    I started rebooting around february last year. Since then, I have accumulated approximately 20,000 pages worth of self development material, with 6298 pages on my phone. I share this statistic as an astonishing disparity with my counter at this very moment. U see it right?? It reads 6 days. And I m not even counting all the articles I have read on this forum, ybop and scoobyworkshop. I could say that I m the same guy as before but I m not. Things have changed...

    I picked up working out in March last year for the first time. Left it after 1 month. I picked up meditation, and kept picking it up and dropping it. Same with reading books. But, of all the things expected, a strange thing started happening. Now aware of the insecurities that exist in our world and people around us, I stopped improving at my core. This was because I kept getting caught up in pointing out in my mind or sometimes straight to someone's face how they were on the wrong path. Thats right. I became some sort of PHILOSOPHER who uses his knowledge to insult others. Not only that, I started using my knowledge to insult and degrade myself as well. "I should be like that". "If I do this, I ll end up with a fucked up life(or dick)".


    I want to point this mindset to all of you guys. This mindset will only lead u to hell, not heaven. Its like being the spoilt rich kid. U have everything and yet nothing.

    Stop holding urself up for judgement against ideals. U r not gabe. U are u. Gabe dealt with his shit. Now, its ur turn.

    Guys, the only secret to taking action is to take action. Look for reasons to take actions. They are inside you. Not a miracle book or web-site. Commit to doing things. Believe in ur commitments. Keep ur promises to yourself. Stop letting yourself down.

    The only solution to this "insulting philosopher" problem is to take action. Take something you want to do. Be it music, sports, running, anthing. Fix an action and keep doing it for a month. Once u decide, stop turning back. Its in your hands. This is the only solution to avoid becoming addicted to recovery. The only reason you keep relapsing is u cant keep promises to urself. Build that ability. Its the best of all.


    So, treat this moment as a golden moment. Fix ur path. Schedule your day not to avoid time from porn. Schedule it because u want to. If u dont pursue an action, these things will never make any sense. This can sound very dramatic like a movie. But, sadly the moments of actual realization are much more deep. After a month or two of pursuing ur discipline of any kind, a switch will flick inside of u. Thats right. U will change.

    Change does not require a gym or a guitar. It requires a commitment to be a man of ur word, to urself and to others...


    I hope this helps everyone who reads it....
     
    BlueNotes, Faptomist and marcpro like this.
  2. SkyDoge

    SkyDoge Fapstronaut

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    My dad has a huge collection of self help books and he is always ready with an inspirational quote or a book recommendation how to be happy and successful. But the books never seemed to help him.

    I think any activity in life can be an obsession if done too much. Just do the things that actually make you the happiest long term.
     
    Elduderino and suyash_4376 like this.
  3. chris4nj

    chris4nj Fapstronaut

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    Great ideas.
    What has worked for me is sticking to one thing and keep at it in the face of the failures rather than switching to something else when one fails. (Having said that, there may be something to finding what works for you.) It has taken forgiving myself for teh failures, and getting back on the horse.

    Something that has kept me at it is what I learned at www.yourbrainonporn.com. A specific tidbit is that one of the ways the brain adapts to being flooded with dopamine (which regular PMO'ing does) is it decreases activity in the prefrontal cortex, which is the seat of willpower, among other things. So even when we know we should step away from the porn site, we don't. When we know we should go to the gym, we don't.

    I took on the challenge of retraining my brain, of increasing my willpower. I wouldn't say it's handled, and it has made a difference.

    My question / challenge to you, Suyash, is, what is it you are giving your word to?
     
  4. suyash_4376

    suyash_4376 Fapstronaut

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    I give myself the word not to live another boring days like I used to in my PMO past. Days of challenge, living at the edge of my comfort zone inspires me bro...
     
  5. hellfire2

    hellfire2 Fapstronaut

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    Hey Suyash,

    I recently came to the same conclusion as you..

    I had become addicted to self-help to find this miracle answer and live the "perfect life" while judging others on how they live theirs.

    I have read read well 50 self help/addiction/wellbeing books since starting nofap.

    I finally made the decision after reading my last book Rewire by Richard O'connor that I know all that I need to know to tackle this addiction and now I should just focus on following through rather than searching for more 'answers'. I need to start living my life again without thinking about nofap 20 and porn 20times a day. (infact more about nofap/withdrawal than porn).

    That is why my commitment is more about living first i.e. building connections, intimate relationships that is priority number 1.

    my searcch is over, now it is putting everything i know into to action and making a commitment to work at it exercises to take me forward.
     
  6. DannyCool

    DannyCool Fapstronaut

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    What a great thread. I am guilty of being the philosopher too. :(. I am not making the essential changes needed and that does really focus on me stopping thinking I am better than others. What a trap that is! It is totally like the spoilt rich kid. I am a spoilt rich kid actually! That poor kid thinks he is great but has a really bad life all alone with his opinions. Being clever does not really help it just isolates me and stops me making the changes I really need to make.

    It is good what you say about really focusing on activities that benefit me and others. One thing for me to do is focus more on exercise. My body is heavy and it would be great to trim it up a bit or a lot! Also thinking I know the answer to everything is really annoying me. I am doing the same here now. Trying to help others by getting in their head space does not work. Loving them and learning from them for who they are does work. I do enjoy this website a lot as the focus is so healthy and would not stop reading here. Maybe stopping posting would be good just to learn to listen and appreciate the other posts more.
     
    marcpro likes this.
  7. suyash_4376

    suyash_4376 Fapstronaut

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    Well, I kept making a stock pile out of self help books, but never thought that reading 50 books still isnt enough.

    For me what helps me break this cycle of Know-it-all is to actually invest my time(and/or money) in a skill. Any skill. It has been during my nofap challenges that I actually started and tried playing harmonica and speedcubing, as a result of which I actually have something to look forward to other than PMO in my otherwise boring vacation days. I d reccomend it to you as well.

    Bro, IMHO commitment towards a good life is important. But, that should be reflected in your actions. And every action can be seen as a mini skill set. So, small skills can actually make great men.

    If u dont have any hobbies, keep trying new things. I didnt have any hobbies either. Now, I have 5 hobbies.

    Best of luck bro...
     
    marcpro likes this.
  8. suyash_4376

    suyash_4376 Fapstronaut

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    Hey buddy, I encourage u to take the approach you have described above. I was talking to my AP about this yesterday, and I think I found a solution to this problem.

    Fix an approach. If u want to lose weight, go running. Then, its decided. No more turning back. I would then encourage u to show up on the track each day(P.S. Be aware that running everyday is dangerous for legs). Whatever bullshit ur mind feeds u about stopping, stop listening. And keep doing it for one month. After that, u are free to review and change approach. Dont spend more than 20 minutes planning. And, set aside a plan B for risks.


    Best of luck!!!
     
  9. marcpro

    marcpro Fapstronaut

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    Damn so true, the damn philosopher who has the worth live ever. Don't judge do your own stuff and stop comparing to others, it just can't make you happy. You are what you choose: Jean Paul Sartres. Don't be this jerk like damn I'm so healthy every other people are doing it wrong. Take action stop over-reflecting: Commit to a goal!
    Best of luck to y'all
     
    suyash_4376 likes this.
  10. suyash_4376

    suyash_4376 Fapstronaut

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    I agree totally.
     
  11. DannyCool

    DannyCool Fapstronaut

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    The truth is I see every one here like my brothers and sisters and don't really judge at all. I just want people to be happy. It is just a few people tell me in my life here in Ireland that I am like that so I could work on that. There is definitely something to work on there :) . My goal is to be here on this site to support others and gain support from others and succeed in my NoFap. If you don't like that you have to deal with it yourself. :)
     
    marcpro likes this.
  12. DannyCool

    DannyCool Fapstronaut

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    Just battling with an apple pie and strawberries now while the wind howels outside. Happy Days. Time for a tea.
     
  13. NoBrainer

    NoBrainer Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys

    I think that this "insulting philosopher" mindset is an extension of a mentality that many come to nofap with. That is, people come here looking for a quick fix for their addictions, not aware of, or not willing (even if subconsciously) to do the work that is required to beat this addiction. In this way, accumulating knowledge on porn addiction is one way of seeking to prepare yourself for recovery, without actually doing any of the work that recovery requires.

    Having made many failed attempts at rebooting over about 8 months (last year), I went through all the bullshit of thinking I could recover without doing the work, until I hit rock bottom. I kept thinking, "Oh, if I just do this one thing, I can quit". Of course, it doesn't work like that. Or rather, the one key thing I was searching for was self-discipline.

    No amount of reading will improve your self discipline. Because self discipline must come from within, which you will learn from successfully outlasting urges. And, right in the moment of the urge, you must outlast it with will power.

    If you are looking for a practical way of rebooting, I suggest my own guide, which focuses on doing healthy habits, rather than focusing on not doing unhealthy ones. I believe this to be a different approach from the philosopher approach, one that I believe is much more practical with respect to rebooting. If you do decide to adopt what I suggest, I'd like to hear how it goes for you.

    Best wishes
     
  14. suyash_4376

    suyash_4376 Fapstronaut

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    I couldnt agree with you more. My way of rebooting feels similiar to yours, although I focus more on hobbies rather than fitness. But, make no mistake, I have discovered that gym is not the only place where U can push yourself. Read my journal if u like, u ll see what I mean...
     
    NoBrainer likes this.
  15. hellfire2

    hellfire2 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the advice bro!

    I agree that self-help will always be helpful, but I think can turn other sources of self-help reading instead of wellbeing, happiness and addiction.

    I felt that once I discovered my addiction and began to focus and fight it only got worse and I became more depressed disheartend etc

    Now my self-help books stems from not fighting porn addiction but to improving areas of mylife that have nothing to do with nofap. In that way I pick up the book because it interests me not because I want more information to fight porn addiction

    Infact I am now focus on removing thoughts of fapping and nofap from my life so I will not be triggered and employ good habbits because I enjoy having my life improved not to fight porn addiction.

    I meditate because I feel happier when I do. I play sport not to be fit but because i love sport (running was good but not as fun football (the real football one where you only use your feet))

    Anyway the only thing I will keep from nofap is this forum because I can help others and it is my one form of accoutability that I am not judged (atleast 99% of the time) and I can also journal

    Anway I hope this explains my original point of no longer read self-help to fight porn addiction.
     

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