Men, loneliness and addiction.

I am in a really good relationship. It was good before I quit, and it's even better now.

And yet, as soon as I stopped porn and masturbation there was a MASSIVE wave of depression and anxiety that hit me like a truck. I was completely surprised by the magnitude of the issues that were lurking just beneath the surface. Things that I had never taken the effort to confront. When you stop fapping, you stop making excuses for how you've been living your life. You realize that you want greater things for yourself. That you expect greater things from yourself.

 

Fapping makes the problem worse, all of your problems worse. It's a joke. It's a poison like alcohol which helps you escape reality for a few moments (few minutes, few hours, few days) only.

 

Great post.

Yep, the importance of emotional processing and finding out the causal emotions as to why we do what we do. Finding out the underlying issues is key.

 

Then reality faces you again, and you feel like you need more porn. Then reality faces you again, its strained face even uglier than before. Then you turn to more porn to escape reality even more... Vicious cycle.

Break free, rise up like a warrior; face the real world as hard as life is and start showing the world what you really are: A warrior!

...not a wanker

 

And what if one cannot find the strength to face their problems?

 

Learn how to build strength!



Seriously, go join an archery range or visit a shooting academy if that's what it takes you to learn strength and confidence. Go visit your nearest military barracks even. They're just men, there, like me and you; only difference is that they have trained and built their strengths despite all the odds against them.

 

I was in therapy a couple of months ago. It was mostly a waste of time (the guy didn't quite understand the PMO stuff). But he did say one very powerful thing to me that's helped a great deal: It is okay to feel lonely.

It struck me that I don't need to 'fix' that. I'm lonely because ta-da....I'm alone a lot! I get severely depressed and remind myself that it is OKAY to be depressed and lonely....I'm absolutely allowed to feel that way. If I tell myself that I am not allowed to feel like that...well than I pick the easiest solution to the problem.

 

Guys, NONE OF YOU ARE LONELY. We have technology now. We have Skype to make free calls. We're all of your friends here. If you don't believe me, then contact me. This is why we're here... There's no such thing as loneliness any more. You are lonely because of PMO and because there's no women in your life but otherwise loneliness is an illusion just like PMO. You men have so much confidence loss. Don't you ever watch action movies or the Expendables (1, 2, 3)? What happened to reading about your favourite superhero in the comics or growing up loving Batman, Ninja Turtles, Superman, etc?

 

Your local sports clubs or even better boxing clubs could use more guys like you. How come depressed people never think of community or humanitarian volunteering work?

I used to be super-depressed... Then my depression lead me into an argument with a beautiful girl (that I did not yet know she was HOT BEACH BABE MATERIAL) about some theological differences for which we met up in real life after a few email exchanges, and boy, it was brave of her to invite a suicidal maniac like me to help out in the soup kitchen to unload, cut, peel veges and cook for the homeless people. The bitch played cat and mouse with me but you know what? I told her, "You're hot, I cannot deal with you any more, I'll see you the next time you show up on the beach." (No, I did not meet her on some desperate dating website but some religious place where delusional people go to and vent our their disappointment with organised religion.)

Guys, snap out of it already. There are unlimited opportunities in the world but we are blinding ourselves by severe depression, PMO, staying indoors all the time, and not being able to go out and say, "This is me, this is who I am! If you (whole world around me) don't like me, then go fuck yourself but I am a part of you!"

 

THIS IS WHAT ITS ABOUT:
Fapping is a symptom; it is good to curtail or even abstain from it but the underlying problem needs to be addressed.

 

You feel alone because you are unable to form intimate connections. Any kind. Because you haven't learned it, and you always build walls around yourself to keep yourself from getting harmed. Meanwhile you lock yourself inside of your own head, your thoughts always revolving around yourself. The more time you spend like this, the more lonely you become.
Porn is supposedly makes the loneliness go away, because you imagine intimacy (some form of intimacy, or its perversion at least) with those people on the screen. But guess what...you're still only in your head.

You gotta get out of your head and risk getting injured. Is it risky? Yes. Worthwhile? Absolutely. That's why everybody says to get out and do something. Join some kind of club, go to the gym, volunteer for some community work, anything, just get out! Then try to focus on others instead of yourself. What I see often is even if you get out you say to yourself: "I'm stressed, I have anxiety, I fear what others will think about me, how do I look?, will they accept me?" and so on. Me, me, me, and I. I don't blame you for this, it's not your fault, but it's your responsibility.

 

Sigh, this hit me really hard.

After purposely stopping PMOing, I do realize I somehow grow even more depressed, I suppose it is because stopping PMO forces me to deal with my real life problems and responsibility without an "escape".

Would anyone be kind enough to give me a slap in the face to get me right on track ? Preferably life lessons from you older guys with more life experience. I'm pretty much lacking in motivation, self confidence, and in faith in the future.