372 days without masturbation

I relapsed a week ago. This might not sound as the beginning of a success. But my relapse is the reason why am back here again to tell my story I nonetheless consider a success. A year ago I decided not to masturbate for 90 days, because I was struggling with guilt, doubt and shame connected with masturbation. I'm a protestant and I was confused about whether masturbation was sinful or not. In periods I thought it allowed and later I thought it was sinful. I had a hard time coming to a conclusion. Long story short; I thought I'd give nofap a try, even though I wasn't only for religious reasons.

This were my goals:
1) I want to resolve in which way masturbation should be a part of my life, thereby removing the doubt which is a source of guilt.
2) I want to grow in self-control.
3) I want my sexuality to be my strength and not my weakness.
4) I will start of with 90 days.

The first three weeks were the toughest! I rather quickly felt the Charge and urge to give in. One important thing I worked on to reach 90 days (and more) was to re-wire my way of thinking about masturbation. I had lived with masturbation since I was 12-14 years old, so I had to work on my psychology constantly telling myself: "Masturbation is NOT an opportunity!". I realized in my earlier attempts to stop masturbating I had indirectly or unconsciously allowed myself to relapse because a) I didn't trust in my own disciplin; b) I had experienced so many failed attempts so it was hard to imagine masturbation not being a part of my life and in the patterns of my thinking. If masturbation still was, what I call, "a psychological possibility" or a integrated pattern in my mind, then I would unavoilably and needlessly experience failure. I needed to tell myself again and again that masturbation was not an opportunity, and when I said it to myself in moments of temptation, I sealed with a very simple sentence a member from community taught me: "Just don't do it." These two things helped me recapturing my will and gaining control over my urges. My experience was at my stage of addiction it was primarily an inner/psychological struggle.

After the first month of being abstinent I experienced a great relief and I concluded that my life was more waaaay more simple without masturbation. I didn't need it and neither did my body/biology. It just felt great. And suddently (and with a great deal of disciplin) I reached my 90 days goal without any relapse (first nofap try) and I decided to continue. After the 90 days milestone I reached a stage where masturbation wasn't a part of my consciousness anymore. I needn't telling myself that "it's not a possibility!" ... because it wasn't! It wasn't a part of my life and it wasn't a part of my conscious thinking. So liberating! It just liberates mental capacity so that you can focus on other things.

Overall I reached my goals:
1*) From my Christian perspective I now believe masturbation is wrong. It was not clear to me back then. Therefore I now know that masturbation should not be a part of my life. My nofap experience showed me why it was a good thing to obey that. I was freed from doubt and guilt by being abstinent.
2*) I've gained self-control. I've broken the spell. I'm not addicted to masturbation any longer.
3*) Temptations are still out there, but they are of another character, which I still need to work with. So my sexuality is not completely my strength today, but it can not be reduced to only a weakness.
4*) I managed to stay abstinent for 372 days in first try. I'm actually quite proud! Though my relapse sucked big time and I (REALLY!) regretted my momentary lapsus. I could easily have continued. But I will not focus on why I relapsed in this post. I'll make a thread about that later and analyse why. Now I celebrate my achieved goals and my new lifestyle and focusing on ongoingly walking in that path. Therefore my next goal is 730 days without PMO. Bold? I think it is. But I have to aim high by the grace of God.

I hope this is encouraging to many of you. It can be done. You can regain control and you can be liberated.

God bless you all (2 Pet 1,5-7)

/2Pet16

 

Kamado86, thank you for your question. It's a good question. I don't know whether I experienced direct physical benefits. But I remember I had a lot of tension and "charge" the first couple of weeks when I tried breaking my habit. I don't have that anymore. In general I guess I feel more calm and relaxed, because I don't have a need to release the physical pressure from being abstinent. My body is now used to fix the pressure by itself; either through gradual secretion by urination or through wet dreams. Some say abstinence results in released energy, because some sexual energy is released. I'm not sure whether I experienced that.

The psychological benefits were the most significant. No more guilt and doubt connected with my religious orientation. No more feelings of anxiety or fear of being exposed. No more hidding - both psychologically and physically. No more thinking about masturbation. Suddenly there was room for more edifying thoughts that did not circle around my own desires. It's frustrating to think about my own desires all the time. My last relapse made it clear for me that masturbation makes me sad and depressed. Masturbation is just a source of frustration and loneliness. So emotionally I'm better of without masturbation. I feel more free without it, because it tied me down. Masturbation can be used as a tool to ignore and suppress unpleasant feelings. That's one less unhealthy mechanism in my life. So the emotional benefits are many when I think about it.

More could be said, but I hoped this clarified some things. Just ask again if there's something you want to know.

/2Pet16