My GF just kind of oppened the relationship ?

It's either a test or she feels guilty

 

I would open stuff up for her too then, relationships are a two way street.

 

Open relationship are like winning the lottery.
I have no experience but I would say from what I have read on here and maybe search the archie es for it, but 00.009% of the time it works. The rest it ends horribly

 

...brother, this is the dream.

Does she perchance have a low sex drive?

 

If you truly like/love this woman, and it sounds like you do, I wouldn't do it. It seems to me that she is willing to hurt herself if it means that she can keep the relationship alive. I would sit down with her and explain to her that this problem you're dealing with isn't because of her or any dissatisfaction of her. I think she is taking this personally and is blaming herself for this issue. Put her mind at ease and explain that she is not part of the issue, but rather part of the solution.

 

Ultimately you are in control of your destiny and any decisions to be made. By part of the solution I do not mean physically, but rather emotionally and mentally, having someone you can lean on when times get tough.

Also, if you're doing any kind of hard mode, I'd be sure to convey that to her if you haven't already. I think she wants you to be happy, but I also think she is confused on what's the best way to support you. I think she has a misconception that, as males, we cannot truly be satisfied with monogamy because of the way we are hard wired; which is untrue. While our primitive circuitry is wired for that, that does not mean we cannot be truly and utterly satisfied with a partner physically, emotionally, and spiritually in a monogamous relationship as well.

 

I think that she gives you the "freedom" , because she wants it herself. My girlfriend told me once, when she went abroad for 3 months, that when im gone and you find someone, its ok, and if she finds someone its ok. I was hurt, and felt like I was dumped. I did find someone in that time. When my gf came back, I ended it. After she heard about it, it was downhill. She just didnt want to feel quilty if she would have found someone. She didnt. Our relationship was pretty much over. We just ripped our hearts out the next 10 years.
Tell her that you dont want to have sex with anyone else but her, and that you dont want to share her allso. See what she replies after that. And if you have low sex drive, then why waste it outside your relationship?

 

So you guys don't think Mr. Washwaverr's GF is a (budding) cuckquean, suggesting an open relationship, polyamory or something of the like? I mean probably not...

I’m with Daedaleus with a slight modification: what do you want? You’re in a monogamous relationship and presumably care about the girl? You’re also hanging with us, which suggests you have aims in terms of porn elimination and the benefits it’s likely to bring.

I did read some of your journal/posts to see where you’re at – three weeks or so, right?

There are a few contradictions to unpack – low sex drive. Presumably after ejaculation/orgasm you’re satiated, libido lowers and you’re content for the week. Then again you say you have a craving for porn and/or another girl?

 

Wow. Just makes me wonder. Why do people make relationships just to have sex?

Then back away and act like “no it’s not it’s not just about sex.”

If you or she just wants to have sex outside—- Then admit that.

If it’s about fear of being boring — admit that.

Complicating the real reason with sex is dumb.

I am finding that more and more women Can take WAYYY more than guys think they Can in regards to truth or feelings or both.

Relationship might already be over. Think about two 77 year olds in a relationship. Their sex is relatively boring and non glamorous but it needn’t be the only defining Damocles in a relationship.

Have done open relationships a few times. But they are not always two way. Depends on what the maturity of the person honestly.

Lots of marriages are sexless. So sex and relationships aren’t exclusive unfortunately.

 

Yeah ... you are going to struggle then to get like minded ppl here to understand you since monogamy has far more participants than polygamy. But that being said. Honesty is still needed. I would tell you... People in open relationships expect honesty just like those in monogamous ones.

Guys, girls , same thing.

But if you aren’t experiencing 100 % transparency in your relationship —- explore that.

Ask yourself why not ?

I know I am older than you and been around uncles who get used to having lots of women all the time. Married , divorced , it doesn’t matter. Just you need to face the music that you are protecting yourself in part from her and for her. Ask why?

Lack of trust?
Lack of commitment?
Fear of failure ?

Dig my man.

 

is your relationship just open on your side or is she also willing to have sex with other guys? If yes, how do you feel about it?

 

Alright, now I get it.

You guys are younglings. It's not p.c to admit you'd like variety of women. On here there are some that are subtly forceful with their opinions, but need4realchg's right - seems the majority opinion here favours monogamy (with a % suggesting no pre-marital sex.) Most just say their piece, give their reasons I spose.

You're probably right to just have some good conversations to really speak on things (both of you saying your piece.)

I don't mean to be condescending, but - you're both younglings - this might not be your last relationship. You both need to talk - just tell it - get some rules/ethics then make your moves:

- sti/std testing (for all partners)
- safe sex
- plenty of (that clichéd word) communication.

And so on.

Also, you're both likely to experience some anxiety/jealousy/whatever when/if you both dip your hands into the cookie jar. Might as well anticipate some of the issues that'll come up. E.g assuming you're gonna be together for the long term your....to use a cinematic/literary term 'arc's' might not coincide. One person might get it out of their system before the other.

** P.S @ Washwaverr I might not be unbiased (if such a thing exists,) or a disinterested commentator. Could be an element of wish fulfillment or vicarious living through you - don't accept what I say without thinking for yourself.

 

Urgh. The sinful lustful side of me hates you right about now,