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Feeling lonely af

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Ferns, Sep 8, 2019.

  1. Ferns

    Ferns Fapstronaut

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    It’s been kinda long since i started doing Nofap back when i was 16 years old, i’m 18 now turning 19 in October. I have definitely see some improvements on my life particularly in the social aspects of my life but i know that i’m way way off and have a long way to go.

    I’m currently on my 19th day of no PMO and planning to get past my best record of 30+ days or even accomplish the 90 day detox challenge. I constantly think of relapsing and craving the feeling of high doing PMO but so far, i haven’t relapsed and able to retain myself. If if did, i would feel a very strong feeling of regret and self hatred so much that relapse equals to unsuccessful life, i made my mind think that relapsing (doing PMO) is not normal and it’s something a beta cook loser would do during those 2 years of my journey on Nofap. Which helped me today i guess ? Preventing me from relapsing.

    Everything’s good and definitely improved compared to when i started out my journey. It’s not just Nofap i did but i had to sacrifice everything that made me the mindless dopamine seeking creature i was like Video games and Netflix. It took me a long time to remove these from my life, i’ve experienced countless relapses and i even deleted my precious accounts that i grinded for a long time including deleting my Steam account worth alot of games, all my consoles and selling all my games for cheap price, and unsubscribing Netflix. I only use my phone for watching Youtube and searching things on Google and chatting some people and girls.

    I get this feeling of loneliness that makes me want a girlfriend, especially when night comes. I’m comfortable speaking with girls now and getting close to girls is easy for me today but i don’t know how to court someone properly and deep inside i know that i’m not ready to have a relationship because i haven’t found my confidence, something i truly believe or my purpose. My life won’t start until i find my purpose i guess? That’s how i currently think.

    I’m currently friends with this beautiful girl and i’m attracted to her but not in a serious way but infatuation only. We only got to know each other on June so it’s pretty early for me to expect things happening between me and her so i would constantly shift my focus to finding my purpose and becoming a better person so that when the time comes, i am prepared and ready.

    It’s those nights of feeling weak and vulnerable that’s making me go nuts because i removed something that used to fill that feeling which is PM feaking O. This made me going to sleep hard and it makes me think about wanting a girlfriend so bad that i want to sleep with her but i know that i can’t do that yet and i’m not ready to be able to do that. I hate this kind of loneliness.

    Anyways i just wanted to express my current thoughts and share it to you guys. If y’all have anything to say that can help me get through this hahaha
     
    Lukos and Jonny1992 like this.
  2. LavaMe

    LavaMe Fapstronaut

    Thanks for sharing. I get lonely and sad at night too, and I’m married. I have a good marriage. So, I think it is a feeling that anyone can have. Remember it is just a feeling. All feelings, good and bad, come and go. That doesn’t mean the bad ones are easy to live with when you experience them.

    I’m older, but I remember being your age. When you have those feelings at your age they seem much stronger. I think what we really want is deep connection with others. Knowing ourselves better will help us to find a good person to have that deep connection with. It sounds like you are doing a great job knowing and improving yourself. It may sound cliche, but truly have patience and you’ll find the right person.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  3. BreakingBenjamin

    BreakingBenjamin Fapstronaut

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    Many people feel that way from time to time. You are very young, try to figure out how to makes your days happier.

    Congrats on 100 days!!!
     
    Deleted Account and LavaMe like this.
  4. one of the most popular questions (dare i say obsessions) on this forum has to do with girls and wanting to speak to them or not knowing how to speak, etc etc etc. keep it casual, keep it friendly, but work on yourself and your social skills. i feel like people sometimes stray from the true goal/purpose of nofap. it's not about the girls. sure it's nice to know you have the social skills or "charm" to talk to one, but its all about self betterment. this goes way deeper than relationships. youre getting to know yourself better and youre kicking addiction at the same time. just my 2 cents though !

    for the time being i'd say build up confidence. work on yourself. i find that the most powerful and effective ways to do this are to undertake certain projects and have small but slightly difficult goals (constantly going to the gym, learning something new and progressing with it, taking up a hobby, etc.) when you finish something that you start, your confidence will skyrocket. this, in addition to getting off PMO and letting your brain rewire itself, is self betterment.

    but if youre looking for companionship in the meantime, talk to people. practice your social skills. you might fumble and be awkward the first 5-10 times, but you will definitely get better at it. social skills are a muscle: it develops if you keep working on it!
     
    LavaMe likes this.
  5. Hey, it's great that you tell us you story.
    I believe that many can relate to feeling alone. For myself I feel alone the most when a friend visited me and when he left, suddenly the room is empty and I am alone. It took me a liitle time to think about it and look at it from another perspective: I felt alone, because of the difference between beeing alone and having a friend around. But I only feel this difference because a friend took his time to spend it with me. So actually, this feeling tells me that there is someone liking me. Therefore I am not all alone. And that comforts me.

    Maybe you could try to spend time with friends. Ofcourse this is not the same as having a relationship. But it would serve your social needs. You could avoid getting into a relationship because of your lonliness, which might not be the right foundation.

    I wish you the best, and stay tuned!
     
  6. Ferns

    Ferns Fapstronaut

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    Wow this forum is really a positive community for porn addictions. I appreciate y’all guys comments and reply for my thoughts :)

    I guess i just have to keep grinding until my hard work is paid off.
     

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