1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

I’m addicted to being liked.

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by need4realchg, Aug 22, 2019.

  1. I struggle with severing emotional connections I have with people who like me or admire me. It’s like i can’t unfriend anyone ever. I can’t say no.

    I think it’s because I love being liked so much I will give anything to have that.

    I’m addicted to being liked then not letting go the person(s) who like me even though maintaining a relationship with them through texting stresses me out.

    I don’t really want anything , sometimes not even sexually I just want attention, to feel admired or desired. This happens with some males too because I want to be appreciated even when I can’t stand them.

    It causes me anxiety.
    It stresses me out.
    It used to lead to pmo but now it leads me to procrastination and anxiety, chocolate cake.

    Anyone ever dealt with this ? Something similar ?
     
  2. I'm relatively narcissistic, love to be the center of attention; thrive on it. Makes me feel important. But I think your problem has a diffrent source. I just think every woman that looks at me is attracted Hahahahaha!
     
    need4realchg likes this.
  3. Hmmm lol.

    I read a book that also redefined attention seekers from a childhood developmental perspective. The book “the birth order” by describes how only children and youngest children who are raised from Among siblings are raised with this “self-centered” approach. But it’s different with older children who long and struggle for attention from their parents. Same struggle for middle children etc.

    The point is we emulate a pattern of learned behaviors to get attention from others and the cycle continues into adulthood.

    It describes the challenge with marrying a first born child versus a youngest born; the only child issues. This topic might make a good thread by itself.

    I don’t think all women who look at me think I’m attractive. In fact I assume they don’t think so. Is that self -esteem related or child-development related? Narcissistic or a combo or something all together different ??
     
  4. Well if you want advice from a narcissistic know it all who is the firstborn. I would say longing for attention from my mom, made me want to dominate in some ways any women I meet. It depends on how hansom you are. If your as hansom as Brad Pitt (like me) and you think women dont want you, then there is a problem. ;)
     
    need4realchg likes this.
  5. Hros

    Hros Fapstronaut

    1,663
    3,756
    143
    I think I have something similar but I don't think it's narcissism. I don't think I'm self-centered and egotistical.
    It's called attention-seeking behavior.
    I care deeply about other people, which is why I don't think of my self as narcissistic. However, I constantly need the "rush" that I get from being showered by positive attention from other people. It took me years until I managed to find the right term to describe this condition. I wasn't entirely sure what was wrong in the beginning. I sometimes think it's because for years I barely got any attention from people, being so shy, until a few years ago I moved to a new place and really changed - made many friends, showed off my talents more often, and suddenly I started getting attention. But whatever I got wasn't enough. I constantly search for the "high" that I get for being positively noticed. I think it's also because I have low self-esteem and constantly need others' approval.
     
    need4realchg and Mr. McMarty like this.
  6. This sounds like me. Almost exactly. Attention seeking behavior ??

    I have up until now understood it as codependency but it’s driving me crazy.
     
    Last edited: Aug 23, 2019

  7. BaaaHahahahahahahhhahhahahaahahhaahhaa

    I died laughing at this. It took me a second to get it.

    Then I went back and checked to make sure I understood. Yep.

    I couldn’t figure out how I made it to the top... how does that even work ?
     
    Mr. McMarty likes this.
  8. I am handsome, I say that Based on empirical data I collected more than my personal feelings on the matter.

    I don’t have a huge ego (I don’t think) I’m way too sensitive. I realized this 7 years ago when I turned 30. IT took a lot of attention from what I considered attractive bystanders (not family or wife ) to dispel my critical voice and its negative self-hating belief system.
     
    Mr. McMarty likes this.
  9. my father told me my whole life growing up and still today, that women love men in my family. Of course thats nonsence just like most of what I have been saying about my good looks but the point is...if you believe something so will other people!
     
    need4realchg likes this.
  10. I think everyone wants that its pretty normal , the point is not everyone is going to like you that's another fact of life and some people you just don't want attention and to be desired by them . Its best to find who fits with you that likes you just as you are
     
    need4realchg likes this.
  11. I agree. I’m trying to understand and disarm the addictive cycle of pleasing people in order to get attention from them.

    I have been stuck between either getting women like crazy or trying to sever my emotional connections. Both are pendulum swings.
     
  12. @Hros you are worth your weight in gold man. Thank your friend for me.

    This completely confirms what u and I have. And yes it’s not narcissistic even though that’s definitely en Vogue.

    Skip to 1:35 on the vid. The perfectionist in me wants to point out she misspelled “too” on slide 7... but ok I’m working on me.

     
    Last edited: Aug 23, 2019
    Hros likes this.
  13. Hros

    Hros Fapstronaut

    1,663
    3,756
    143
    Yeah, I saw that video too when I first realized what the issue was.
     
    need4realchg likes this.
  14. EXPONENTIALLY

    EXPONENTIALLY Fapstronaut

    I'm addicted to being liked...by God, not necessarily people.
     
    need4realchg and Mr. McMarty like this.
  15. Strength And Light

    Strength And Light Fapstronaut

    2,334
    9,036
    143
    If I may jump in here for a second. I think the addiction that you are speaking of @need4realchg is not to people liking you. It's quite normal to desire people liking you. The addiction is in trying to control people's opinion of you. Behaving in ways to try to keep their opinion of you in high standing is what's compulsive. It's really more of an OCD than an addiction. "If I don't knock on this table 3 times, something terrible will happen" isn't much different than "If I don't keep this person's opinion of me in perfect standing, something terrible will happen." All the OCD stuff has to do with uncertainty, or rather, the inability to tolerate uncertainty. In your case, by trying to steer everyone's opinion of you, you are desperately trying to avoid any uncertainty that they may not care for you. But no matter how much work you put into pleasing others, they will ALWAYS have the ability to think whatever they want about you. You can never be 100% certain of their opinion of you.

    You might try doing some research on overcoming OCD behavior regarding uncertainty. I think you'll find some good strategies.
     
    need4realchg likes this.
  16. I haven’t looked into ocd but I will. Yes. And I’m comforted that it’s not in the same toxic class as addiction. Lol. If emotional complexes were degrees I’d be a college professor
     
  17. It sounds like you are finding your identity in how other people see you, rather than how God sees you, or how you see yourself.

    There's a great quote that says "when I accept myself, I am freed from the burden of needing you to accept me." Maybe the reason you feel such a need for other people to accept or like you is because you don't fully accept/like yourself?

    Just a thought. I don't know you or anything, but it's a possibility. I think if you have enough respect for yourself, you would not have as many problems saying no and having boundaries for yourself. And if someone doesn't like you anymore because of that, then they aren't respecting you either, and you should be okay with not caring what they think if that's the case.
     
  18. Strength And Light

    Strength And Light Fapstronaut

    2,334
    9,036
    143
    Amen.
     
  19. Love the quote. “When” is the key word.

    I think I accept myself sometimes and other times I hate thus run from myself. I sometimes use alcohol to run away, escorts to run away, music to runaway, church to run away, relationships to run away, compulsive cleaning to run away, exercise to run away, pmo to run away, or sports to run away, etc.

    I sound like freaking Forrest Gump. O geez.

    Respect for myself. Hmm how do you wanna mean this ? How does one respect themselves ? Isn’t that by making boundaries or saying no?

    So the way to get better at saying no and having boundaries is to say no and have boundaries ?
     
    Deleted Account likes this.

Share This Page