my start on nofap wish me luck brothers

Hi firstly i wanted to say english isnt my first language , now ill tell you about my past and how porn ruined my life.Up untill 2019 i used to jerk off every day actually about 2 to 4 times a day and i thought that it was normal my hormones were through the roof,butt suddenly i got a gf and i thought that all my porn fantasyes will become reality,one day she came to my house and for the first time in my life i experienced what it was like being touched by a girl andd it felt good butt not what i expected

Spoiler: * Possibly triggering text ! *

and i kinda had a hard time holding and erection , she started to jerk me off and again it didnt feel like i expected it to from waching porn. we didnt have sex that day and i didnt cum at all

i was disapointed to say the least butt that was just the biggining... after that the verry next day somthig terrible started happening my thoughts were all over the place about the night before and my mind came to a terifying conclusion that i might be gay ofcourse that was the only answer because porn was my reality up untill then. and with time day after day i questioned my sexuality while furyusly masterbaiting every day to make sure i wasent gay and with time i developed a brain disorder called HOCD wich i didnt know i had at the time and it crushed me . Depression soon followed crippling depresion if i may add, i couldent muster the energy to even step out of bed . and the fact that my gf was an awful person and i couldent even tell her about all this and i couldent do anything with her after that cuz she decided she didnt want me to touch her anymore for a time(yeah i was a fucking idiot my gf tho she is a WHOLE other story and just made my life even worse). i couldent brake up because i loved her butt in that depression all my energy went into thinking i was gay and how can this be and all that i literally didnt feel emotion anymore.so logically i broke it off with that **** ahem i mean girl cough cough and continued with my depression.after some time i found out about my hocd and finding out that i wasent actually gay butt i still had doubts because of my mentall illnes. so i found out about NoFap and it all clicked i stoped jerking off and my brain slowly rebooted over a few months and i can tell u that i was reborn holly shit it felt great.i know this is super long i apologise and again sorry for my english... but the last part now that im good mentaly and everything my mind got convinced that jerking off to porn once a day wasnt that bad and i did it for about a few weeks now and today was THE LAST DAY GOD DAMMIT i realised even tho i dont have the hocd now and everything i wanna start my nofap jurney and focus on my life like my boxing and school . i wish u all the luck my brothers were in this together.

 

thanks bro