My Hypocrisy

For a long time I have been seeking all kinds of self-improvement challenges. Challenges that push me to the brink of my comfort zones and then utterly destroy them. I listen, read and watch hours and hours and hours of content, ranging in numerous subject matters that might just possibly change me as a person so that I may become a better person with greater character than the person I was the day before. Striving to become a hero.

No hero has a perfect life though, because for a far longer time, longer than what I can remember, I have been addicted to masturbation and then later in my life to pornography. I have been keeping this a secret most of my life and I am tired of keeping guard in front of these secretive places in my life. It drains me, it hurts me and damages all and everything that exist in my life. No matter how small the affect it may cause it still has consequences that I have to bare.

I am in a slow yet definite process of cleaning out the closets and breaking down the dark dungeons of my heart. I no longer want this disease to cast a shadow over my life.

My hypocrisy?

Well, ever since I have been on this journey of self improvement, I became aware that people would seek advise from me about a lot of different topics. I willingly give my insight to those who ask , be it in regards to physical fitness, emotional strength and awareness, psychological habits and stability or romantic relations. In so sharing my thoughts I became more and more convicted about my own demons that I refuse to deal with and that is my hypocrisy.

I have decided to start this journal on the NoFap site where there are a community of people who can relate. I have updated my day counter from of today after failing to continue my best streak ever of about 4 to 5 moths of no porn or faping. From of 1300 today I am rebooting and hopefully spend sufficient time writing about the experience but this time with a community that supports me every step of the way.

Sincerely
The Centurion

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