I think i am at 40 days, what i'm feeling right now

Before i type: in advance an apologie about the misspellings (not a native English speaker) and about the title: I stopped counting precisely at 30 days, and am well over 40, but just to make sure and to be a little pessimistic, had a count reset to 40 days, just to make sure I am not underestimating them

Anyway one thing I’ve noticed is that for the first time in my life I feel the need to write on a forum (specifically this one) where I have never had the urge of typing anything about myself. I always loves just watching people discuss, but I have never found it interesting or found myself interesting enough to participate in discussions.

I think this reflects to my outside life now a days. I finally feel like I have the energy and motivation to do something other than just being alone or in groups and not being really present. Not being really there. In the pat I just to hang out with friends but I just listened to everyone and kept repeating to myself that whatever I was going to say it did not really matter and other people where smarter/faster/better than me anyway. So if just more or less 40 days could do this to my brain, I have yet to see what is next… and will update every ten days..

One other particular thing I did not noticed for the first 25 days is how effortless things are becoming. Nowadays I can just walk over to people and actually like to talk to them about random things instead being in my own world.

And final remark for now is that i changed my life philosophy: I used to be an achiever, constantly wanting and needing extra things for myself. But now I noticed you can actually get somewhere with people and in life by doing the exact opposite. Not doing anything sometimes or doing less and cutting things out of your life (like anxiety, social media, depression, meat (and the beating of meat) or to halt doing things is like floating in a river and not swimming. Just flowing to somewhere unknown but not feeling obligated or to scared to leave my own (fantasy) world.

Thanks everybody for your support by sharing stories on this forum and keep up the good work (or keep up the skill of doing nothing at times)