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Mental Toughness

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by evens006, Jul 19, 2019.

  1. evens006

    evens006 Fapstronaut

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    So I'm fairly new to this website. Please feel free to move this thread if it doesn't belong here.

    My background is I've been into PMO since a very young age. About 3 years ago, I started to date my (now) fiancee, and shortly after starting to date, I decided to get off of porn. It took about a year and a half, but I gave up the addiction. However, in the last year I've had an increasing number of erotic dreams at night. After doing some research, I've recently concluded it may be because I didn't give up MO, so I've begun the process of giving that up. Our wedding is in less than 80 days, and while that isn't the recommended 90, my goal is to hold fast for the remainder of that time. To be fair, I joined NoFap well before the 90 day mark but have really been struggling. In giving up MO, the craving for porn has come back significantly, which I thought I was over with. My biggest challenges so far have been identifying triggers and addressing them earlier.

    What I have noticed throughout this process of disciplining myself for addressing both addictions is how little mental toughness I have. I started losing weight (50 lbs so far!) shortly before we were engaged, but even that was a long time coming and took a significant effort to get into a consistent routine with. I think there is a bigger issue at play than just PMO addiction- it's a mental toughness issue. I've had too many years of not saying "no" to myself and enjoying the gluttony of all sorts of pleasures (food, women, orgasm, stuff/things/money, always feeling pleasure, etc.) and now I'm finding it is very difficult to be disciplined.

    What suggestions do you have to improve mental toughness? One of the things I've found with weight loss (working out and diet) is that when I can see and measure results, it has been way easier to get motivated to keep up the habit and routine. I'm really struggling with PMO, because I'm not seeing a lot of measurable changes, or at least not results that outweigh my triggers. However, I'm really curious to see what the community has for suggestions and if there are any other viewpoints on mental toughness/discipline versus something else.

    Thanks in advance everyone!
     
  2. recon117

    recon117 Fapstronaut
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    First of all welcome to the community of NoFap!

    You are asking the right questions! So the direction you are heading is the right one.

    Cut all the bullshit. Why do you PMO? There is a reason behind it! Find that reason in yourself and examine it! Do some self reflection, sit in a quietly space an ask yourself what you really want! So let's say you want to run a 100km but already before you ran 1km you say "it's very difficult to .." What do you expect? it's gonna be like hell! But that's okay!

    You have a wedding coming up?! Show your fiancée that you can do it ! More important that you show yourself that you can do it!
    NoFap is a mental challenge but challenge yourself physically aswell. Mental Toughness goes hand in hand with Physical Toughness.

    Watch some of David Goggins stuff on YouTube! That man is a beast and he mastered his mind!

    I hope I could help you!
     
    evens006 likes this.
  3. Angus McGyver

    Angus McGyver Fapstronaut

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    I do live according to the saying and mindset that: "All kinds of toughness and discomfort experienced brings you one step closer to greatness" so my suggestion is that you take small steps in getting used to toughness and discomfort one bit at a time. In this way, you build up a threshold and the once uncomfortable tasks do become easy after doing them many times.
    However: One of the greatest way to improve your mental toughness is through tough and enduring workouts and exposing yourself to other kinds of voluntary physical pain (such as ice-baths, cold-showers, spike mats, etc). The pain makes you feel alive and present in the moment, hence making all trivial concerns and tasks in life becoming trivial and a peace of cake in comparison.
    I got and still gets my mental toughness through the practice of my sport (distance running) which requires daily training and 2-3 tough interval workouts every weak (such as,16-20x400m, 8-10x1km, 4-5x2k, 5x1 mile, 4x10 min tempo-run) plus two body-core sessions. The mental ability gets especially tested on those days my legs and body doesn't feel good since it requires me finishing it up, no matter how tough or painful it might be that day.
     
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  4. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    You've conditioned yourself to avoid / escape from / release tension with instant gratification coping methods. That way of life has become certain, familiar, and comfortable. That's how you get a mediocre life. An extraordinary life requires delayed gratification. It requires you to challenge the unfamiliar, uncomfortable, and uncertain. To stay with pain, problems, and negative experiences longer until you reach higher quality pleasures, solutions, and positive experiences.

    Eating Mcdonalds is a quick low quality solution to achieving satisfaction. Learning how to cook and eat healthier takes time and effort, but also more rewarding in the long run. Learning how to interact with others better and develop strong relationships is more rewarding than escaping from reality via porn. It's all about sacrificing short term emotions (not releasing tension) for the sake of long term outcomes. Placing more value on something bigger than your immediate gratification and mindless consumption.

    Mental toughness is an identity. Identity is a set of habits. You change those habits by making the unfamiliar positive stuff more familiar and making the familiar negative stuff more unfamiliar. Spend more time seeking and embracing uncertainty, discomfort, and the unfamiliar.
     
  5. evens006

    evens006 Fapstronaut

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    No I hadn't heard of him before! I did pick up the book he mentions though this morning after watching the video. I just finished "Unstoppable" by Alden Mills- also a former Seal. I'm excited to dig into it!

    Totally hear you! In the process of losing weight and body fat over the last year, a similar process was followed. Getting up a little earlier than the day before and pushing a little harder/becoming a little more tired is what gets results. Reflecting on it, the lack of results I saw in a lot of attempts I think is what keeps driving a relapse.

    Really like this :emoji_thumbsup:thanks man!
     
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  6. recon117

    recon117 Fapstronaut
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    Greate man! I got the book from Goggins aswell can't wait to start reading it!
     
    evens006 likes this.
  7. Shift your current mind habits. We are creatures of habit. Our life is just a collection of habits. If you change your habits, you'll change your life.

    Since you're here, and since you took the effort to open this thread and share with us, I assume you're committed, are you?

    Your old mental habits are a thing of the past, now. It belongs to the past. Now tune yourself to your desired mentality.

    I advise you a book by Tim Grover (trainer of the legend Michael Jordan & other pro players).
    The book is called Relentless.

    Pick it up. Read it. Eat it. And never take a dump.
     
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  8. This thread just motivated me to start a challenge. So, I've created a thread a few minutes ago on the self improvement section. The No-Snooze Grand Challenge. Let's gooo brothers!!!!
     
    recon117 and evens006 like this.

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