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Marriage is just for religious people?

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by onceaking, Jun 29, 2019.

  1. Sharing an example I know about,

    A female friend of mine who’s a lot older than I am has been married to her husband for 30 years. She told me the only reason she got married is her husband wanted to do it to show how much he loved her. They lived together for almost several years before the wedding.

    Neither one of them is religious.

    So it’s just one of those things that varies from person to person, like so many other things in life.

    They’re still together and I still stay in touch. The lady was my coworker and retired a few years ago. There relationship is a good example of a couple having lots in common and working with each other towards common goals.
     
  2. I think you’re missing the point. What people can do and what people are naturally inclined to do are two different things. People can reboot on their own, however, most seek out an AP in order to get help. Just because someone can do something the majority won’t do doesn’t mean that it’s natural. The majority of human beings need signs and symbols and ceremonies in order to remind them of their duties and responsibilities when it relates to something greater than themselves; marriage provides this on a natural level for non-believers and on supernatural level for believers.

    Maybe ask yourself is it natural for two people who are deeply in love to oppose getting married? Some say “if you truly love someone then why do you need a contract?” while on the flip side of that there is the the question “if you truly love someone then why would you complain about about a contract?” Usually the ones complaining about it are the ones who’ve been divorced, which would indicate their position is more the natural consequence of fear and distrust and not love.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 19, 2019
  3. onceaking

    onceaking Fapstronaut

    What is this marriage accountability then? I'm actually confused by it. I remember once I attended a wedding of a work colleague and we had to say we keep them accountable but that was just words. I'm not keeping them accountable, we hardly ever talk. I would think if you're wanting someone to keep you accountable you seek it out rather than invite them to your wedding. Or is marriage accountability something completely different?

    I don't think I do. Like after I graduate I'll probably have to attend a graduation ceremony and would be quite happy to just have my degree sent in the mail and then me move on with my life. I don't need a graduation ceremony to know I have a degree. I have the memories of me hard work as I study and my degree. This might be because I'm an introvert and find ceremonies exhausting.

    But with a civil partnership you get a contract. Or are you in favour of cp?

    Maybe but can you blame them? If you had a marriage fall apart wouldn't you be at least a bit cynical of the whole thing?

    Having said that I haven't been divorced and I have fear and distrust.
     
  4. onceaking

    onceaking Fapstronaut

    @Cool I Can Use Spaces Do they have civil partnerships where you are? I assumed they would but maybe it's more of a European thing. When I hear Americans talk about this sort of thing there seems to only talk about marriage or cohabitation.
     
  5. I guess I don’t see what’s so confusing about it. Have you ever made a goal in private vs stating a goal publicly? Which method do you think holds the greater responsibility for accountability that you make progress towards your goal?



    I’m glad you know that about yourself. We’re not just talking about you or I here are we? We’re talking about humanity as a whole.



    I’m not against them but what’s your position on them? Are you in favor of them? If so why? Especially if they require a contract which seems like the main issue you had against marriage.


    I don’t blame anyone, but I’m also not taking the position that the fear of being contractually connected to the person I love is a natural consequence of my love. If I was worried about being contractually connected to another person then I probably would even bother having a long term relationship with them in the first place.
     
  6. I know in some states there are some legalities that come into play when an unmarried couple has been together for certain periods of time, especially when there’s children involved.

    I don’t know all the details about that. It’s only something I’ve heard second hand.
     
  7. I am ok viewing marriage as a human institution with the caveat that religion can sanctify and elevate a marriage's purpose. Untimately its similar to eating. We all eat, but communion is sacred.

    I think marriage is just a norm that exists in human behavior and has been successful in certain civilizations. Maybe like the concept of property. Most human sexual relationships are ordered towards exclusivity and longevity, for more success in reproduction. Thats usually called marriage.
     
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  8. onceaking

    onceaking Fapstronaut

    I wouldn't consider a marriage vow goal setting. I actually think most people attending a wedding wouldn't care if the couple got divorced. In fact I think some people attending the wedding might do whatever they could to bring out a divorce. I don't if the vows have any meaning anymore. Even the people making them probably don't give them much thought.

    I don't know if I'm even against marriage. In a project for work I was asked if I ever hope to get married and I actually said yes. I guess the reason why I'm pushing back on it is I grew up in an evangelical family and spent about two decades in the evangelical church and marriage was imposed on me. Maybe for all my life I felt like I had to married and for the first time I realise I don't have to. Another thing is weddings are so expensive and I don't think I'd be able to afford one. Civil partnerships seem to be a lot more cheaper. IDK maybe I'm just saying all this because I can be argumentative at times.
     
  9. Marriage is the ultimate way of saying "I want to live with you the rest of my life." At least that's what it is to me.
     
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  10. drewharbour

    drewharbour Fapstronaut

    Why ask a question if you aren’t interested in an alternate perspective? Are you asking or looking for confirmation of your decision?

    Your dislike for religion is obvious as is you inability to detect my sarcasm. Don’t let resistance to religion cloud your judgement on all traditions such as marriage. There is more to it than simple religious dogma.
     
    Last edited: Jul 29, 2019
  11. onceaking

    onceaking Fapstronaut

    I don't dislike religion.

    How much of what I say is sarcastic?
     

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