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Legal prostitute to fix PIED

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by ironmaing, Jul 14, 2019.

Can sex with prostitute help rewire PIED brain?

  1. Yes, as it will be with a real person.

  2. No, prostitution is artificial and too easy.

Results are only viewable after voting.
  1. PeterJL

    PeterJL Fapstronaut
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    I could maybe see it as a short term solution if your SO was actually participating- essentially hiring a fluffer (if you don't know the term, I won't make you look it up, it is a woman hired simply to help keep male P stars erect). But if it is totally separate, no, I doubt that would help.
     
  2. AThinkingGuy

    AThinkingGuy Fapstronaut

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    @ironmaing Bro you seriously might not be attracted to her and you're lying to yourself. If you go and fuck a prostitute and everything works fine, then that doesn't mean the prostitute fixed your erection problem, it means your SO is your erection problem.
     
  3. No man, I would not do that. Save your bucks and buy Cialys, 5mg. Take a pill every day. It works extremely well on me (I am 38). It is not a solution, but it is a start. You will get rock hard. It will give you confidence and eventually you can try reducing the dose and letting it away entirely. You have to work it out.
    I don't think I could get hard with a prostitute.
     
  4. ironmaing

    ironmaing Fapstronaut

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    The attraction is definitely not the problem. She’s 100% my type physically. PIED fits all the symptoms specially when combined with anxiety. She is very demanding and the pressure is hard to swallow. As soon as I get confidence in getting (and keeping) natural erections, then I think that will beat the anxiety. That’s why testing and practicing with a prostitute seemed like an option instead of just hooking up with random slags
     
  5. I’m just sitting here shaking my head.

    So many men on here are saying your woman is a bitch and a horrible person because she’s becoming frustrated.
    Men, while I have a lot of empathy towards you in your recovery, I also am very supportive of my mans recovery... perhaps you should all take a step back and try to understand how incredibly difficult this addiction is to a spouse. Not everyone is going to have it in them to stand by their partner through this. It eats me away daily. It takes a lot of strength to stand by my man and cheer him on.
    Let’s be frank...how many of you would be supportive of a wife who’s watched so much porn that when you want her, her vagina sews itself shut. Wouldn’t you wonder why you’re not good enough? Would her sleeping with a male prostitute be the answer? Let’s say sex with him is wonderful but with you it’s still impossible. Would that have helped your wife? Probably not. She paid for a fantasy no different than porn. It would continue to make you feel like shit about yourself though.
     
  6. ironmaing

    ironmaing Fapstronaut

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    I understand it is difficult for her and extremely frustrating. It makes me feel terrible, which is why I want to do what ever it takes to make myself better again. What do you suggest us men with PIED can do to make the spouse feel better about the situation? If she only likes sexual encounters with PIV, how else can we satisfy her? Any tips would be very much appreciated.
     
  7. I’d suggest working on intimacy between the 2 of you before anything. Put sex in the back of your mind and work on building emotional intimacy.

    When I found out about my mans porn addiction I was furious. I spent so damn long asking him why he wasn’t interested in sex or why he was with me if he didn’t find me attractive. He kept bullshitting me and telling me that he does find me attractive he’s just overtired.
    He let me question my femininity, my worth, my attractiveness all to hide his porn addiction. I wasn’t so angry about the actual use of the porn, I was angry he lied knowing I was starting to truly believe he thought I was ugly.
    Had he come to me and explained what PIED was and why it was happening early on, I would have had a much easier time moving forward. Just like you men don’t know a whole lot about how the female body works, about menapause etc. Us women don’t exactly know too much about ED or PIED. We are taught to believe that if a man is attracted to you, he will be hard. When that doesn’t happen we tend to take it personally. I’d also suggest reading about the 5 love languages. Once you’ve worked on the emotional aspect the sexual one will follow
     
    Lilla_My likes this.
  8. AThinkingGuy

    AThinkingGuy Fapstronaut

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    You're projecting. You're looking at it from a woman's perceptive, and would hate if a man just abandoned you like many of us have told him to do with this woman. The thing is, it's more than sex. She belittles him, shames him, speaks down to him, threatens to leave him over sex. Seriously this is so abusive, and you're telling him to accommodate her? This man is being abused.
     
  9. We are only getting one side of the story. If he is some perfect saint of course this looks like abuse. If he is like the majority of addicted men on this forum perhaps he’s not that innocent. I am one of the lucky ones, my man has never once told me that I am the reason we weren’t having sex. I am also in the minority in that regard. Most of them women I’ve spoken to (trust me it’s a lot) on here have had to deal with mental abuse long before porn was discovered. None of us have gotten to this place because we are perfect.
    If he truly is a wonderful husband and she’s treating him like shit fine leave but I doubt that’s the truth. A perfect husband would not entertain the thought of seeing a prostitute and I can only think of 3 reasons a woman would suggest such a thing 1)she’s given up and wants out. 2) she’s testing him and his loyalty 3) she wants to know if he will get hard with another woman and if he can, she will more than likely leave. And yes you’re right I am looking at it from a woman’s point of view- I am a woman.

    Oh and you said I’d hate it if a man abandoned me .... choosing porn is an abandonment- choosing to go outside the marriage for sex in any way is an abandonment- read the women’s journals and you’ll understand... yet so many of us stay by our men
     
  10. You might confuse (co-)dependency with "love". What you term as "unique" might just be a certain type of psychiatric disorder, which wears down the SO as well. The patient's threats to leave you are typically just part of them manipulating your behavior, it will never happen.

    I advise you to get professional treatment for yourself first. It will help you to see the facts, then get out of this toxic relationship, heal from the damages you endured through it and learn to see the red flags to avoid such dates in the future.
     
    AThinkingGuy likes this.
  11. PeterJL

    PeterJL Fapstronaut
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    If you need an explanation of how it works I can try to provide one. I have had male genitalia for 36 years.

    And I have learned one thing; unlike any other part of my boday I have ZERO conscious control over it. Women (and sometimes other men) control when I have an erection, women (and sometimes other men) control when I ejaculate. That is simply how it works. My subconscious mind detects arousal signals from women and that is what directly controls those functions in my body.

    P works because the women in P give off plenty of arousal signals. My subconscious mind cannot tell the difference between a woman who is actually interested and a recording of an actress who is only pretending to be aroused, but my conscious mind is aware that it has found a way to hack the system. It is just much easier when the woman has a play- rewind button then when you have to explain this, particularly because it is subconscious- most men don't realize it works this way until you stop and think about it.

    By the way, it doesn't really matter how attractive the women are. It simply matters how *horny* they are (or appear to be). Physical attractiveness is just something the casting directors worry about.

    So, I think you are nearly correct in stating that a man will be hard if he is attracted to you, but you have it backwards. A man will be hard if YOU are attracted to him.

    I suppose that won't help you to not "take it personally". But it is, in my experience, the truth.
     
    Homelander and need4realchg like this.
  12. ironmaing

    ironmaing Fapstronaut

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    I’ve been incapable of getting an erection with the most attractive women I have ever had the privilege of having a sexual experience with. Yet, I’ve managed to have sex with women I didn’t find particularly attractive.

    I am absolutely convinced my ED comes from porn. This has also caused anxiety as I lacked confidence to get erections naturally.

    I took Ritalin and kissed my SO briefly and my penis was getting so excited. So it leads me to the conclusion that the issue is a lack of a dopamine response. So having my receptors normalize, hopefully real sexual experiences will trigger high dopamine response and hence lead to arousal and a nice long lasting erection. That’s the dream at least. Hope nofap hard mode will achieve this.
     
  13. What do you mean you had a penis for 36 years? Did you do surgery?
    I totally agree with you. In porn the women show all kind of signals. It is staged, but it tells a mean like 100% sure, she wants sex. Then, if in real life, the signal is only 70%, 50%... it is no longer stimulating. Maybe this is why porn makes ED.
     
  14. That is what I thought, women think. And it puts even more pressure on men to not fail. To be rock-hard on do it like a pornstar. Because we think (at least me), that women think, that if we don't do it right, if we have ED, we don't find them attractive. And this is not true.
    If a man feels too much pressure, if he is afraid to fail, stress hormones like cortison go up, and then there is no way ever he might get an erection.
    I think we couples must talk much more about our issues and tell 100% the truth, say what we want and what we don't like. We have to trust each other. I like what Jordan Peterson said about having sex in a relationship: "If is is something you don't want to talk about with your partner, you probably shouldn't do it"
     
  15. Lilla_My

    Lilla_My Fapstronaut

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    Okay, this needs a translation from a woman... @Empty shell of a girlfriend had some great female input, so let's provide another.

    A woman says: "Maybe you should test your PIED with a prostitute".

    A male interpret this as: "Maybe I should test my PIED with a prostitute".

    But what a woman means is more like;
    "Would you really go to a prostitute if I ask you? Would you really betray me that easily? Have you understood my problem at all? Would you get it up with her and not with me? If yes, is that because you are attracted to her and not to me? If you go to a prostitute it's obvious that you are still craving porn and not me, and if you truly take the offer, it means that you are a pervert that doesn't love me and it will ultimately lead to me leaving you, because my life is not worth to be thrown away on you".

    What a woman says and what a woman means (in relationships) is almost always two different things. Try to find the emotional component and you will find the true meaning.
     
  16. There is pressure in both sexes. I can’t expect a man will ever fully understand the amount of pressure women face to look a certain way. My man was so programmed by porn where the actresses fake everything he was expecting me to be able to climax as easily as they do, not the case. Both sexes feel the pressure in different ways. I think even a lot of men feel this way about their penis. My man will kiss me and now proudly ask me to feel how big it is - where before nofap that never happened from kissing
     
    Vendettana and TheMightyQuinn like this.
  17. This is very true.

    Before DDay I suspected he was into porn. I mean, it was either that or he was gay or just not attracted to me. Anyways I suggested we watch P together. (Not a good idea)
    Now this was a man who never wanted sex. It was pity sex whenever we had it. He happily agreed, eyes wide like a kid.
    (I’m thinking the whole time...)
    “I knew it! I fucking knew it! That son of a bitch. He hasn’t taken his eyes off that screen once to look at me- he’s using my body as a masturbation tool, he’s never given me eye contact, but he sure as hell hasn’t looked away from that bimbo, this was such a bad idea, I’ve probably never felt so used and ugly, is he going to leave me money on the dresser because he’s treating me like a prostitute? Why the hell did I even suggest this? To prove a point to myself? Cmon i already knew the answer why did I want to hurt myself, oh thank god he’s almost done, won’t even look at me when he’s finishing, I feel so gross”
    He looks away from the tv, “wow babe that was amazing, I love you”

    He was happy and I was a cocktail of emotions, none of them good.
    My suggestion proved to me he didn’t give a shit about all the things I’ve spoken to him about - feeling disconnected feeling unattractive etc.
     
  18. ironmaing

    ironmaing Fapstronaut

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    To be clear. My gf suggested I go sleep with other women to get my confidence up and get my penis working before we try to have sex again. I have suggested a prosititute because I definitely don't want to get emotionally involved with anyone.

    Hearing you all is making me understand the situation better - I thank you for your opinions. I told her that I haven't had ED with any girl but her, which isn't exactly true. I've been taking ED pills (blue pill) pretty much every time I have ever had sex (including with her in the past), but recently I couldn't even get it up with ED pills, which is how I found out about nofap. I have never been more motivated in my life. I need to get better so my gf and I have a shot at a life together.

    I've never wanted kids, but when I'm with her I really want kids....she has to be the one. I just can't get an erection after 20 years of PMO...It upsets me that I've let her down and caused her so much frustration and unhappiness. I never knew I was addicted to porn, just thought it was a fun passtime.

    How can I let her feel sexy and attractive without getting an erection? Should I continue to take ED pills and phase out so I can satisfy her during the reboot...?
     
  19. PeterJL

    PeterJL Fapstronaut
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    I mean I'm a 36 year old male.

    My understanding is that PIED is not really an accepted fact within the medical and scientific community, it's more like a NoFap user theory. There is some research that P use may correlate with ED, but it is a weak connection.

    Look, I'm not saying fapstronauts with ED should just give up and go back to fapping. Quiting may very well help. But when we have SO on here thinking their partners (who are NOT nofap users) selfishly broke their own reproductive system by watching P that's a whole other issue.
     
  20. ironmaing

    ironmaing Fapstronaut

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    I've seen a urologist who says I'm completely healthy, he says my ED is 100% in my head. He thinks its related to anxiety, which is true but it is not the root cause. The root cause is over exposure to the most powerful stimulant: PMO. My sensitivity has been completely nulified because of the dopamine rushes. It makes complete sense. Since nofap, I've already noticed better sexual health. I haven't fully tested the arousal-erection, but everytime I flirt with my gf, I feel a type of rumbling in the penis as if it is trying to start. Unfortunately, we haven't started kissing. Think when we do there may be more of a reaction. I feel better than ever thanks to nofap.

    Note, however, that PIED is a huuuuuge business for healthcare companies. Also, Porn is still quite new and young men haven't what PIED even was. I never linked Porn to my ED, but it is the only thing that makes sense.
     
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