Well, here it goes....

This is Day One...again. The last streak just ended after 3.5 weeks. I've now tried a few times - got to 35 days one time.

I'm struggling. It's the urges that make me crack, especially when I'm tired. Been PMOing all my life and that's a lot of years, even through marriage. Didn't realise until I saw nofap that I was addicted.

Got to do it for my family and to be completely happy for the rest of my life. I hate the shame and the fear of being caught.

I could do with some encouragement from someone who's won through to the other side. Thanks!

 

thanks for your post - wow, does that sound familiar. Well done you for getting to 43 days.

 

thank you for your advice & encouragement - I have beaten other addictions before but this one is the hardest so far. Today is the beginning.

 

Well, I will have completed 11 days at 3.15pm precisely. No PMO at all. Yesterday I was sorely tempted and today as well. Didn't sleep well last night and am really tired. Tiredness is a real trigger point - I feel like all my willpower disappears. Got to work hard to get through today and tomorrow will be better. I shall finish work a little earlier and go for a run.

Feeling like the fantasies and feelings have subsided a little now, or at least are at the back of my mind rather than the front. Mind you, they're strong today. It took about a month to get rid of 90% of my desire for cigarettes, and this is a much harder addiction to beat. So I've got to stay the course.

I am in awe of those guys who have beat this....

 

Thanks Tao Jones. Good to have someone there with me.

It's time to hit the sack (early!). I've made it through the day. Phew. I'll fight tomorrow on the morrow!

 

Still here...still fighting! I'm keeping myself as busy as possible. Tiredness & boredom are my worst enemies.

 

Well, I got to 15 days then my SO was away for the night (big trigger) and I stupidly took my phone into the bedroom, and well....there it goes...

Back to 5 days so far and this weekend is busy with family stuff so I won't be on my own. Trying to go to bed earlier as hanging around after SO has gone upstairs is a big problem.

The feelings of loss of pleasure remind me when I gave up cigarettes 25 years ago. Addiction is the same all over, isn't it? Afraid of a life without it, loss of the pleasure (even if it's rubbish), a void where that 'activity' was. Same stuff.

Finding it hard to keep going. Lol, at least PMO isn't actually killing me like cigarettes were....

The thing that motivated me to give up was gaining back control over my life, and getting rid of something in my life that wasn't doing me any good at all. I remember the Allen Carr 'EasyWay' book on smoking. It talked about the fears that lock you into your addiction - and then challenged those fears.

For me there is a lot of shame: shame if I ever got caught, shame because PMO has killed much of my sex life, shame because I've let myself down & wasted time for many many years and missed out on a lot of good stuff. You know, I thought my porn habit was about me - I didn't realise it was *just* the addiction - that spiralling need for novelty leading me away from vanilla porn and spending more and more time on seeking it out.

Time to do something about it....

 

Thanks for the encouragement.

Look ahead, don't look back. That's the only thing to do.

It's funny how the shame itself holds you back. You'd kind of think that it would encourage a change, but actually you get locked into a way of thinking.