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Small Penis Syndrome, Body Dysmorphia, and related insecurities and issues

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by PeterJL, Jul 6, 2019.

  1. PeterJL

    PeterJL Fapstronaut
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    DeepParkWater,

    Do me a favor- hit the edit button to go back into your post and look for tags that looks like this: QUOTE AND /QUOTE (this means end quote). They will be in brackets.

    You want to put the bracketed quote and end quote around everything that I say. The things you are saying do not need to have a quote and end quote.

    Remember, it is very important to include the end quote when you are interjecting. Otherwise your comment will just get mixed into mine.
     
  2. ssha6451

    ssha6451 Fapstronaut

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    Mate I think you are looking way too deeply into my message and getting unnecessarily confused.
    I was never denying the fact that people thinking they have a small penis .... have a small penis. The average penis size is about 5.5 inches if you are less than 5 you are by definition smaller than average. What I was saying is that you will be suprised by the perception of other people of your penis being "small". Because that is essentially what an insecurity is, you are worried about other people will think. Have I heard of men who have responded positively to their penis being called "large". Yes. Me for one.

    You're whole section about being "presently" in a sexual relationship is muddled and frankly quite nonsensical. If my ex girlfriend had called my penis small and ugly I certainly would not have enjoyed it. Regardless of whether we were having sex or not. An insecurity is an insecurity you have to accept that as part of who you are. It is not about giving the "power" to anyone else. You are living in a very idealistic scenario where you think we should just get over an insecurity so other people don't have power over us. That's not how the real world works. If I walk around with a crooked nose and people are judging me for it, do I really care what they think? Ultimately when I get home at the end of day does their opinion matter, no. In the moment would I be conscious of it and worried someone might say something? Probably yes.

    Well of course an insecurity is psychological. An insecurity is a thought, which is a psychological act. What you weren't able to interpret is my deeper meaning behind it. When I say an insecurity is purely psychological I mean that most times it is only us that think about it. Other people often perceive it in a completely different light.

    I wasn't actually criticising you in the last line. I was making a point. Your penis size is not going to change naturally, you can either learn to live with it or let it overshadow your life. I agree that people who are unhappy shouldn't simply accept their condition. But if you are beating yourself up for something you have no physical control over, then truly whats the point? It will be the equivalent of me being annoyed that the sun rises at a particular time every day. No amount of me complaining or "identifying this emotion" as you put it is going to change that fact.

    This reply wasn't intended to come off as blunt. And I think English might not be your first language and if it isn't I don't mean any disrespect. But large parts of your reply are incoherent.
     
  3. Redeemed_1

    Redeemed_1 Fapstronaut

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    I'll say Body dysmorphia, I weigh less than I should so I feel my head size isnt proportional to my body, I skip meals cause of work and the whole stress plus PMO had taken it's toll on me. I tried working out but I couldn't keep up, the financial cost of supplements and food plus having to cook without the time, plus really tight work schedule. There's alot . I plan on going back to the gym tho, I can be walking around being this skinny.
    As for my penis, I've always known mine to be smaller than the average Nigerian male, it's about 6 inches and I feel I need more in terms of length and width. Any information would be appreciated
     
  4. PeterJL

    PeterJL Fapstronaut
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    ssha6451,

    Thank you for your reply. I believe it is your intention to make me feel better. And I mostly agree with large portions of what you have said.

    I'm sorry that my reply was not clear- perhaps *I* need to be more blunt:

    *major triggers*
    I personally, do not have a small penis or insecurities that I am too small. My penis is just over seven inches long and I am well aware that this puts me on the larger end of the scale. The reason it got that way is that I have been doing penis enlargement for years- and not just a little bit. I have used pumps, hung weights, used all-day stretchers, and spent hours a day doing manual exercises. I am a member of three PE websites and have paid for personal coaching and taken supplements. I have listened to penis enlargement hypnosis. That last one may have been the only thing that actually helped a bit with the real problem, which is clearly my mental health regarding the matter.

    Briefly I was measuring close to 7.5 - 8 inches although hopefully I have healed down a bit. Had I not done the enlargement my best guess is that I would be 5.5-6 inches, which should have been fine.

    PE is time consuming, expensive, and I have had direct injuries. I have no idea what side effects it has on my overall health. For example, I needed to go to a chiropractor last year, potentially because of the positions and weights involved. Also- I had learned to self-suck.

    Ultimately my poor wife has to literally take a comically large dick because of my M habit. Sometimes she acts impressed with its size, but I'm pretty sure she's just putting on an act for me because she knows how obsessed I am. Also I am now tempted to, and have, shown it off on webcam. Men and women who have seen me on websites have made me offers of actual sex, luckily I have at least worked up the will to turn those down.

    One of the websites I have cammed at actually bills itself as a support group for men with large penises. I'm not sure if this is meant to be a joke, but I definitely need such a thing, and that website is not at all a serious support group for anyone other than gay men and a group of women whose motives simply baffle me.

    So when you say things like "you are beating yourself up for something you have no physical control over,". LOL, I have plenty of physical control over it- the trouble is I lack the emotional and mental discipline to realize "bigger" is a stupid objective. Also, like any form of M, it's just hard to quit penis enlargement. Sometimes I O from it.
    *end major triggers*

    Having said all that; my intention in creating this thread was mostly to help other men. To create a place that actually is what that other website claims to be- a support group. So I do not want anyone to feel like this is a competition, like my problems mean they can't talk about their problems. I definitely do not want anyone to be jealous.

    At the end of the day I just wish I didn't care what my size is. I want to be "perfect", not big, not small, not average. Just "perfect". Any size could be perfect. And I'm sick and tired of people who are just plain skeptical. It's none of your business anyways.

    With regard to my exception for people who are presently having sex with you. What I mean is that, hey, if turns out my wife actually liked it, I'd be more than happy to go back to doing some PE. Or if a couple wants to wear a sleeve or something. That doesn't seem wrong to me. I would want her to be honest so I can base my choices on her actual opinion, not what I've seen in P or my own insecurities or what some other woman on the internet says she likes.

    I'm American and English is my first language. Typing in these comment boxes is hard.

    Do my comments make more sense now?
     
    Last edited: Jul 10, 2019
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  5. I believe I'm in a boat next to yours. Size issues warped by years of what we would see on a screen, regardless of our reality.
     
    PeterJL likes this.
  6. PeterJL

    PeterJL Fapstronaut
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    You're brave to admit you have them, and wise to recognize they do not match reality.
    Feel free to share any thoughts you have on the subject, or anything that has helped you to cope with the feelings.
     
  7. PeterJL

    PeterJL Fapstronaut
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    Thank you for sharing. I had to look up most of those words. I learned something and I hope that works out for you.
     
  8. Despicable me

    Despicable me Fapstronaut

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    Heres my story:
    It began, as far as I can remember at the age of 15. The acknologement of "I have a small dick".
    For the next 20 years, allmost every day when I woke up, I told myself that I have a small dick. It controlled my whole life, made my everyday existence a nightmare. I wanted to kill myself because of that, I wanted to cut my dick off, because it seemed more tolerable to not have one, than to have a small one. If I dont have it, I wouldnt have to worry/obsess over the "fact" that I am small, I just dont have it anymore. Cheated the woman I loved and still love, because I was searching a validation from other women that Im at least average or acceptable downstairs. The lives Ive ruined because of that, the insecureties I gave to my loved one through watching porn and dwelling on that Im right, I have a small uselss dick, just look at these guys sizes and how women react to them. The friendships that I gave away because of my insecureties and staying away from social meetings in fear that someone finds out that Im not man enough because of my size. Its been a living hell. It got better when I started to look up the "average" size and how I measure. I still dont believe that Im average, because Ive said to myself for 20years and every day, that im small. Its subconsious, the rewireing takes time and a lot of psychological work. Yes, the problem is deeper than all the above mentioned. Its the feeling of worthlesness, my dad saying that im not a man if i did something that he didnt like, the lack of self love, because my parents never told me that they loved me. This shit is deep, and the reason isnt my size. I think that the biggest reason for that is lack of self love and childhood traumas. And mayor role of porn, because these are the dicks ive seen and compare myself with.
    I fed my fears and insecureties with that.
    All the prayers and wishes that if I would have bigger dick, then I would feel better are lying to myself. The thing I really want deep in my soul is to be loved for who I am and be accepted with my "flaws".
    And what comes to my body dysmorphia, to understand that it is really a mental problem, is the fact that my unit is 7,35 inches in lenght and 5,4 inches in girth.
     
  9. PeterJL

    PeterJL Fapstronaut
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    Dude, are you me?

    Thank you for sharing.
     
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  10. Despicable me

    Despicable me Fapstronaut

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    Yep. Im your split personality, I just use different name
     
  11. PeterJL

    PeterJL Fapstronaut
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    Thank you for your comment.

    Remember that body dysmorphia can make us feel like we need to improve things that do not need to be improved. If you have time to go to the gym that is great, but please don't feel like there is anything wrong if you have other priorities.

    6 inches is a good size.

    https://www.sizesurvey.com/result.html

    These are mostly American respondents. I'm not sure if you are actually Nigerian or if that was a joke, but there are some breakdowns by country size here:

    http://averageheight.co/average-penis-size-by-country

    Sorry it took me a while to respond to this-
     
  12. MarinoBigFan1984

    MarinoBigFan1984 Fapstronaut

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    The problem you have is rooted in your other head not your dick.
     
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  13. Does He feel guilt?

    Does He feel guilt? Fapstronaut

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    Please explain this further, the small penis syndrome and how it makes you want to cheat. My husband is always referring to his penis as "this little thing" or "small", and it drives me crazy. One because I'm happy with his size, and two, it's kind of a turn off. I keep asking him to stop saying it, but it doesn't end. Also, he has a real problem with sending nudes. I'm fine with him sending them to me, but hello, not to other women. I have many times wondered if this is his reason for trading nudes, his unhappiness with his size, which is actually perfectly fine, that for him, it's more about getting his penis seen. Any thoughts?
     
  14. Does He feel guilt?

    Does He feel guilt? Fapstronaut

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    Seriously helpful information here. Thank you! -a wife whose husband is always talking about how little his penis is.
     
  15. Does He feel guilt?

    Does He feel guilt? Fapstronaut

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    Wow! Great thread! I applaud all of you for discussing this issue with such emotional integrity. I hope it's not awkward that I was fascinated by all the information here, being that I am a woman (and a wife). It feels very much like my husband may have these same issues, so seriously, so helpful. (And it's not just about his penis size, but also his face, which I think is gorgeous, and his size is perfect for me). Thank you, gentlemen! So, is there anything a wife can do to ease these fears? Would love any input or advice. Thanks!
     
  16. PeterJL

    PeterJL Fapstronaut
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    It's not uncomfortable for me- but I can't help but wonder if your husband is okay with it. Does he know you're on this site?
     
  17. 6' tall caucasian with 4 1/2 inches and quite content with my penis size now . . . once I gave up my addiction and realised that there are much more important things in life than sex and orgasms. Love is all that really matters and that has nothing to do with penis size.
     
    PeterJL likes this.
  18. Well said, if a woman is with you then she is happy with your size, she loves you.
     
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  19. Does He feel guilt?

    Does He feel guilt? Fapstronaut

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    So no, he doesn't know I'm on this site. Fairly sure he doesn't even know this site exists, nor did I till a week or so ago when it was brought up to me by another woman whose husband is dealing with s/p addiction. As far as your concern for him, I can understand that. However, after 23 years of his refusal to be open and honest with me, I need to get some sort of idea of where his head is. Obviously you're not him and no one else here is him, but I'm just looking for some honesty here, trying to find some kind of understanding of what may be going on inside his mind. But I also know I can't drape yours or anyone else's mindset onto him. He's his own person. But as well as I know him, I can take in information here that I see applies to him, and maybe get a better grasp of what he's dealing with, what I'm dealing with. But if you are not okay with that, I get that, too. So the ball is in your court. But if you're not comfortable with it, no offense taken.
     
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  20. PeterJL

    PeterJL Fapstronaut
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    Yeah, I think you're hitting the nail on the head with this comment. I wouldn't want to drape my mindset onto your husband, either. I've never even met the guy. You probably have more in common with him than I do, all I know is that I happen to be the same gender as him.

    I suppose I could tell you this; I read the "SO" journals on here. It is informative for me, but I tend to notice one of two stories being told:

    1. A self-professed PA joins NoFap and his SO starts a journal to support his journey (it's always the female who is the "SO", BTW. There are female PAs here, they mention having husbands/ boyfriends, but I have yet to meet a male who feels compelled to worry about his partner's habit). They journal together. Several hundred days later he appears to have met his goals, and they are still together with a deepened relationship.

    2. A self-professed SO joins NoFap, alone. She talks about "d-days" and receives encouragement and support from the other SO's and even other PAs. She chimes in on other boards to tell everyone about how bad P and M is, gets likes from mostly other women. We never actually see the other side of the story, but after a couple hundred days the journal is about how her marriage is now ending.

    ----------------------------------------------

    And then there is my wife. She knows about this site because I have told her about it, (I do hide my use of this site- incognito mode - mostly because we have children) but she doesn't participate. Of course I talk to her about my problems, and she is always supportive. But I've never seen any need for her to have an account here and she hasn't ever asked about starting one. It seems she has better things to do with her time. So would I, if I didn't feel a need to be here.

    And we've been together for a long time now. At least a decade longer than I have even been attempting to clean up my act. So when I think back to the darkest days of my addiction, she must have known something. But I can't recall her ever criticizing my habits, or spending any of her own energy on jealousy or passing judgment. She didn't diagnose me. Again, it seems she just had better things to do with her time. Perhaps bad habits of her own that she was working on correcting, instead of criticizing mine.

    The more I think about it the more I appreciate and admire her. And I love her. But I've always loved her.
     
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