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Hiding my issues from friends and loved ones

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by shamrock19, Jul 7, 2019.

  1. shamrock19

    shamrock19 Fapstronaut

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    One of the hardest things for me is hiding the effects of this addiction from my loved ones as i am recovering. I have many good friends who i have lost touch with over the past few years who think i have just become ignorant when in reality my anxiety has debilitated me so much that its hard for me to speak to them and socialise like a normal human being. The reason why they think this is because the man i was a few years back was so different to the man i am today.

    The thing is , it would be nice to be able to open up about what i am going through but it is such a disgusting and awkward subject how could you possibly bring it up to loved ones? My current attitude is to just ride out my withdrawal symptoms such as the anxiety, the emotional empitness and lack of motivation until they begin the fade away and then approach my friends and family and hopefully can make it up to them then.

    If anyone has any advice on dealing with this, it would be much appreciated.
     
    leppardfan25 and Ogikubo like this.
  2. Really interesting question, man.
    I don't know if there is a definitive answer, but it would be wise to take it one step at a time. Perhaps you might just list who it would be good to reconnect with and start with one or two at the top. And this can be done very informally and casually. Let them know you are thinking about them. Let them know you'd like to reconnect. See how that goes first. Your first interest has to be in how they are, not in helping your own issues, otherwise, your reconnecting may be viewed selfishly.
    In my opinion, discuss your most serious issues with a professional or very trusted person first. They can help you navigate your current path. And then, when you are really ready, you can open up to a friend for support.
    I hope this gives you a bit of help, and it is only my opinion. I really hope you stay on the good path!
     
    shamrock19 likes this.
  3. leppardfan25

    leppardfan25 Fapstronaut

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    Nobody knows what Im struggling with,just me. First, I dont want to put more weight onto my shoulders with Im telling these things to my friends/family because after I would think about how they see me now that they know my problem. Second, it could ruin your relationships too if your environment is not understanding, and there could be people who would make fun of you. Third,its just your fight, it just depend on you if you will win or lose.
     
  4. shamrock19

    shamrock19 Fapstronaut

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    Its just my social anxiety that stops me reconnecting with some of my close friends.. not the fact i dont want to connect, i fear them thinking ive 'changed' or seeing my nervousness... but im starting to think that would be better than just completely airing them... thank you for the post also, some definite wisdom there, especially about making the ones im reconnecting with the focus, not my own issues... that can be hard when you feel like you have something to hide..
     
    Ogikubo likes this.
  5. shamrock19

    shamrock19 Fapstronaut

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    true but do you not think the hiding of your problems could be a larger weight? i dont mean telling the whole world, writing a facebook status or some shit... but just maybe opening up to the people closest to you
     
  6. leppardfan25

    leppardfan25 Fapstronaut

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    No, because it could change the relationship between you, in a negative way. Maybe its just me who cant trust people but most of them wouldnt understand it I guess.
     
  7. leppardfan25

    leppardfan25 Fapstronaut

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    No, because it could change the relationship between you, in a negative way. Maybe its just me who cant trust people but most of people
     
  8. shamrock19

    shamrock19 Fapstronaut

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    For sure but selecting the right person is key.. i feel if i were to tell my mum or one of my best friends, despite the awkwardness and cringiness, they might not understand but im sure they would support me... i mean most of the damage this addiction has done has been entirely unconscious, for 6-7 years of using porn i did not know the consequences.. its not like consuming a drug where 9 times out of 10 the person is fully aware of the damage they could inflict..
     
  9. SilentG

    SilentG New Fapstronaut

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    Seeing this i'm thinking of how easy it is for people with alcohol or drug addiction to open up than for us.
     
  10. randomname3

    randomname3 Fapstronaut

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    Assuming you're in the US, I'd recommend joining a good youth group from a local church, one that has all male small groups that meet regularly. You might have to shop around a bit to find a good fit. If you're not religious they might try and convert you, but it could be worse.
     
  11. leppardfan25

    leppardfan25 Fapstronaut

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    If you want to tell it somebody, tell it to your very best friend. Friends are usually more understanding that relatives.
     
  12. leppardfan25

    leppardfan25 Fapstronaut

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    I think its not a good idea to change from one drug to another "Religion is the people's opiate", but you do with your life what you want.
     
  13. DeepParkWater

    DeepParkWater Fapstronaut

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    I know what you mean. Porn addiction is a taboo topic not to mention its widely accepted amongst men as a common thing. I recently opened up about it briefly.to some.of my.closest friends and it did wonders. I spoke to strangers on forums like this one and it did help. But actually.speaking to someone about it does more. Id recommend talking ti a professional about it if possible. The problem ive realized with PA and healing psychologically is being able to express it in a way such that you dont have to feel ashamed by it. Its one of the topics I feel that as a guy internally were too ashamed to be vocal about because we cant which is why it cripples us. Definetly keep opening up about it on forums and such but you need to take thr time to seek a professional if you dont want to talk about it with a close friend
     
    Ogikubo likes this.
  14. Very well put. It takes courage to do it, but the results are worth it.
     

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