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Worrying about recalling bad life experiences

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Koderz, Jul 4, 2019.

  1. Koderz

    Koderz Fapstronaut

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    Hey friends ..if there is one thinking making me feel twice about contonuing nofap journey even though I learnt about its amazing life changing benefits is the fact of recalling terrible memories given i was bullied in elementary school so bad so to cut a long story short will nofap remind me of those memories that will screw me over or there is no such thing as recalling the past I heard tha tthe brain blocks bad memories in order to allow people to move on in there lives ...
     
  2. I'm in favour of being able to slowly remember those things, experience them again and integrate them, rather than blocking or suppressing them. Takes a lot of work and I'm not saying I'm any good at it :p
     
    Kiz Whalifa likes this.
  3. Koderz

    Koderz Fapstronaut

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    Thanks buddy . A friend of mine who has done +100days said that the fact of recalling past memories did not happen .I think it is different for everyone
     
    Kiz Whalifa likes this.
  4. I agree, everyone has different underlying reasons for being drawn to nofap/not using porn/whatever. There's a similar pattern in the addictive behaviour itself, so there's a lot to learn from everyone who posts here, but some things won't apply or you might find you have a completely different experience in recovery than most seem to.

    Welcome to the forum!
     
    Kiz Whalifa likes this.
  5. Koderz

    Koderz Fapstronaut

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    yes buddy i hope NOFAP does not turn out the way i dont want it to be if you get my drift
     
  6. I was involved with a 12-step program as part of my recovery, and I did the hard work of processing through a bunch of that childhood stuff. It really helped me understand why I had turned to PMO in the first place and why it remained such a powerful force in my life decades later. It was hard work to go through, but I was aided in it greatly by being able to process through things in a group. I would not want to do it alone!

    Imo, you must uncover root causes and core issues if you are to experience long-term healing and recovery. This is most often done in a community, not in isolation. Part of what gives PMO its power is the secrecy and hiddenness. We must flee that at all costs. Learning to share these deep, dark places with trusted friends in a safe environment is all part of the journey.

    I wish you the best and cheer you on toward a new kind of life!
     
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2019
  7. Koderz

    Koderz Fapstronaut

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    but what if recalling umpleasant memories trigger PTSD and ruin somebody's life for ever as you psuchological disorder are chronic and pain in the ass sorry for using this term .also many people did nofap challenge for long time and they never came across recalling memories either good or bad
     
  8. This is why I highly recommend working through all this in a group setting. And my advice is targeted more at long-term addicts. Things may be different if you are young and have not been heavily addicted for very long. But I do not know a long-term addict who has recovered who has not done the hard work of working the steps, regardless of the form in which they encountered them. One of those steps is doing a "fearless and moral inventory" -- which requires you to delve deep into the past. There is no way around doing that hard work that I know.

    You are scared to move forward because you do not know what you will find there. I fully understand that. I was the same. But I eventually got to the point where I didn't care any more. PMO was so bad and my life in such a shambles, that *anything* would be better. The pain of staying put was so much greater than the pain of change that I was willing to embrace the change, no matter what. Maybe you will need to reach that point, too, before you are willing to do what is needed to begin to recover. That is what they call "rock bottom." It is a very hard place to be.

    Keep showing up. Stay committed to no PMO. You *can* do this. But it will likely be the most difficult thing you have ever done or will ever do in your life.
     
    ArduousPath likes this.
  9. Fenix Rising

    Fenix Rising Fapstronaut

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    Please, don't wait, stop running away now! The sooner you'll face your anxieties better it will be for you. You can't suppress negative memories and emotions forever. You just can't. I went through a lot in my early childhood and tried to bury these emotions for nearly 2 decades. Guess what? It totally f...ed me up. Depression, anxiety… You can't do it. Subconsciousness will eat you alive. Stop PMOing now (it's your drug of choice to numb your emotions), visit a therapist if possible to guide you through the process and be prepared to go through a long and painful but well worth it healing process.
     
    Freeddom_Taker and Tao Jones like this.
  10. Koderz

    Koderz Fapstronaut

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    for informations guys im now 29 i have been masturbating since 13 years old ..my cousin introduced me to masturbation ever since it is super hard to shut down urges they hit me like a truck at the age of 22 i got a traumatic experience i know it is silly but i got choked by a chiken bone i couldnt get my breath for like 15 or 20 seconds i thought i was going to die afterwards i became so scared of food i felt that my throat is so narrow couldnt even swallow 1 grain of rice everytime i get something stuck in my throat i feel extreme terror like near death experince i say to myself this is the end i will never be able to breath and im going to die then i developed anxiety disorder and panic attacks somtimes i feel that i cant catch my breath i feel that my chest is so tight and like if its is putting pressure on my lungs . also i was afraid of developing shcizophrenia evrytime i hear a noise i get the feeling that im the only one hearing it i was googling schizophrenia everyday then i learned that anxiety disorder is not a mental illness and has nothing to do with schizophrenia now i no im Ok thank god i havent had issues for 2 years im healed .. btw thanks so much guys for replying to me i really appreciate it
     
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2019
  11. I notice you thank God in your comment. I'd love to learn more from you what you know about God. I believe there is freedom from anxiety to be found in embracing the spiritual reality of the world.
     
  12. Koderz

    Koderz Fapstronaut

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    I mean God is our savior our salvation he created humans and knows what is best for them we should be always thankful to him and as for hardship and issues all sorts of them the yare a test from him to test our faith and patience the more the person encounter problems and tough times the more he is close to God because Almighty tests hies beloved humans the most faithful and holy people enjoy their time in after life in paradise not in life .
     
    Tao Jones likes this.
  13. Jesus teaches that we can live without anxiety of any kind and that the life of the Kingdom ("Heaven") starts right now. We do not need to wait to begin to enjoy it until after death. We begin to experience the benefits of this new kind of life by following the Master. Might be something to look into if the following traits do not describe your life on a routine basis: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.

    Feel free to DM me any time on this site if you want to discuss further! :)
     
  14. PAWS made me realize it was indeed bad childhood that caused my pmo addiction. A lot of negative things came to surface and I had to endure them by myself. Those negative emotions still manifest in the journey. They come and go...
     
    Fenix Rising and Deleted Account like this.
  15. DeepParkWater

    DeepParkWater Fapstronaut

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    It probily varies from person to person. For me the central epiphany i needed to get serious and maintain my willpower to quit porn is by resurfacing some childhood traumas. It varies from person to person. But you have to be able to look internally to peel back the layera of your subconscious onion to see why you used porn initially why you use it now. For me personally it was in substitute for a real relationship alongside other traumas. Just fyi if you do open ip this can of worms juat be prepared mentally because psychologically once you open that up you have to be willing to deal with the turmoil yhat causes. And by that you may have to deal with shame, childhood depressions etc. Once you can accept these things of yourself and move on thoigh the clarity itself makes thr journey much easier in my eyes
     
    Freeddom_Taker likes this.

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