[90-CHALLENGE] THE NINETY DAYS CHALLENGE !

Day 18

 

Date started: Jan 25, 2019
Day 158/161 no PM (relapsed day 51, 70, 102)
Day 59/90 consecutive no PM
Day 161 no alcohol or caffeine
Day 39 of weight training
- I am thankful that the issues with the wife are smoothing out and we are getting past our differences
- has taken 3 sessions of 3-4 hour discussions to get to understandings
- I am happy we seem to be on an even keel now and I haven't fapped still as a result
- feeling good about getting my own exercise program going again and being able to do it with my son who is totally into body building is a huge bonus

 

Had another fall. I don't want to let it go it seams. I am better at watching my thoughts and motivations.

Conversations with myself.
"What is your motivation to stop?"

Answer comes. "To be awesome."

I ask "Why do you want to be awesome?"

"So my brother will accept me."

Me to myself.

"He never will"

"ouch"

"Why do you need him to accept you?"

"Because he is so much better than you and your value depends on how good you are"

This is my subconscious speaking. I consciously know that this is aburd. This is the underworkings of what is going on. It is amazing how clearly I am seeing these days. My parents and my brother are real a holes and think they know everything. I believed them. They also shamed me and made me feel stupid a lot. Now I just need to figure out how I can change this. Rosary time.

 

Day 76 almost relapse today, but I escaped on time.
Day 84 clean
Keep going guys
Good night everyone.

 

Day 11 check in

 

Day 1/90 Checking in.

 

Day 4

 

Don't want pmo to be my sex Ed. Its unrealistic and just made to play on your emotions.

 

5/90 done. Day 6 going on.

 

Relapsed... i was just 3 hrs short of making day 1...... anyways now its 50 relapses in 19 days..congrats to myself...big achievement

 

As I had mentioned all of this yesterday , later , last night.i was slightly aroused (without any erections) and then I went to sleep.I.had a.wet dream , but it. had nothing to do with what I saw yesterday (the images) , In fact , it had my previous sexual fetish that I had not seen or even thought of for months.I do NOT think I should consider this a relapse , as the evacuation was completely unintentional and it had nothing to do with what I saw .

 

38/90
Work had been crazy hardly get time to myself but I have noticed my morning wood is gone sex drive is at zero But I have come too far to quit

 

Missed a day of posting, but today is day 5.

 

Day 0/90

 

Day 8/90

 

This is so true. The sooner you own your actions and decisions, the sooner you realise that everything you do is your own responsibility. And that you should look within and take responsibility. Porn is not the devil or some mythical evil that takes you over, everytime you relapse it is your own choice. And the only way to improve is if you take that as your own, learn from it, and live with it.

 

Day 20.
One day at a time and one urge at a time.
Have a good day and All the best guys.

 

4:41 PM, day 1

 

Day 0

 

Day 12!