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My husband wants to have sex with other women

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by LindaMoon, Jun 28, 2019.

  1. LindaMoon

    LindaMoon Fapstronaut

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    [QUOTE = "controla tu vida, post: 2124568, miembro: 199729"] Tiene pensamientos, pero dile que no se preocupe. ¡No se perdió nada, todo lo contrario! ¡Hablando de vida limpia, cuanto menos, mejor! De lo contrario, ¡solo somos animales! [/ CITA]
    Thank you so much!!!
     
  2. ultrafabber

    ultrafabber Fapstronaut

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    Please, take the other languages in pm.

    Aside from that, your husband is facing a masculinity crysis, he thinks sleeping with many women makes a man, but that doesnt make a man.

    Being a responsible adult and a good husband makes a man.

    If he wants to see other women, he has to divorce, a marriage without sexual bond is not a marriage, its a sham.

    Yes, promiscuity is part of porn and masturbation addiction. He has to stop thinking or looking at other women.
     
  3. LindaMoon

    LindaMoon Fapstronaut

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    Oh yeah. I know! My husband is doing a good job. his first relapse was after 55 days in revovery. It has been very strong. It has been very difficult for both of us.
     
    control your life likes this.
  4. control your life

    control your life Distinguished Fapstronaut

    pmo can ruin many marriages . im glad he is trying to get rid of it . its tough addiction for sure . support him and help him the way you can . be gentle and firm about principles!
     
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  5. LindaMoon

    LindaMoon Fapstronaut

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    I do! I know he needs support and I try to give it to him.
     
    control your life likes this.
  6. I run with scissors

    I run with scissors Fapstronaut

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  7. I run with scissors

    I run with scissors Fapstronaut

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    He isn’t thinking straight after 3 months and multiple relapses it’s his addiction speaking not his true feelings.. He needs to get a good streak going and clear his head, could very well save your marriage and stop him from making such a massive life decision that could ruin his life..
     
  8. The Lone Ranger

    The Lone Ranger Fapstronaut

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    Sorry, my bad
     
    LindaMoon likes this.
  9. Entendí—- le enviaré mensaje privado para que ultrafabber no tenga que sufrir viendo nuestra conversación en español.

    Entiendo exactamente lo difícil dejar su país y sentir sola (mejor dicho mi esposa lo sabe pero yo también estoy aprendiendo soltar las fantasías y el daño que me causa).
     
    LindaMoon likes this.
  10. LindaMoon

    LindaMoon Fapstronaut

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    Gracias ya lo recibi
     
  11. DeepParkWater

    DeepParkWater Fapstronaut

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    Hey as a guy that recently just got out of a relationship with his first love (lost my virginity to this girl) I hope my perspective can offer some help. I loved my ex, I adored her a little too much maybe, but even though I loved her I couldnt help the desire to want to sleep with other women. Honestly biologically, men are designed to want to have sex with multiple women. Men can produce millions of sperm everyday and our biology directs us in that fashion. I wanted to sleep with other women, found other women attractive and contemplated sleeping with them. I did not pursue these desires, however, admittingly I did fantasize about them. All of this in my opinion is normal, especially having only slept with one woman, psychologically you are stuck in a phase where you wonder what the other side is like. Youre stuck in between having stability but seeking the new excitement of being with someone new. Both of which are polar opposites and unobtainable at the same time. For me I dealt with this desire through porn and Im sure your SO did as well. I'd say if you have a desire to help him with this, the best thing you could do is try to understand his perspective and have a brutal honest conversation with him of what he desires and why. Honestly he might not be able to completely be honest to you out of respect for the relationship and your feelings. But for me personally, the biggest thing was recognizing the source of the desire, acknowledging it, and not feeling ashamed by it. My ex as amazing as she was had her faults in that she was a controlling and jealous lover at times, often shaming me for essentially having human desires. What I mean by this is shaming me for following instagram models, spending time with female friends, etc. Over time as I kept being shamed for basic human emotions and desires, I felt that I had to suppress my basic emotions further and further causing them to be released in an unhealthy manner. If you want him to heal, I'd recommend trying to make him not feel ashamed for his desires, but rather simply acknowledge and understand them.
     
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  12. Lilla_My

    Lilla_My Fapstronaut

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    You shamed her, my friend. If you struggle with monogamy, don't be in a relationship. Don't ever shame a woman. Let her be free if you can't commit. You suppressed her emotions and desire by turning to other women, and you stole her time when she could have had established fruitful relationships with monogamous men. If you "release your desire in an unhealthy manner", then that's your decision and yours alone.
     
    Last edited: Jun 30, 2019
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  13. DeepParkWater

    DeepParkWater Fapstronaut

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    It seems that your definition of monogomy and my definition of monogomy are completely different. The whole central thesis of my post was that one needs to accept their desires as what they are. If you are chasing perfection and have the need to feel ashamed rather than accepting ones human nature youre gonna fail. Im assuming that you are woman. But do some research on the difference between the physiology of a man vs a woman. Were built differently. Women produce release one seed a month when fertile and have to endure 9 months of preganancy therefore biologically/psychologically woman are designed to desire longer more stable relationships. Men on the other hand have the capability to produce their seed constantly for the majority of their lives after puberty. We're just designed differently. Im in no way shape or form trying to bash or shame your opinion. But the difference is, is that I can accept my desires and acknowledge them. If you think that men in general dont have any thoughts of breaking a monogomous relationship you are flat out lying to yourself. The key is choosing not to. Furthermore, you say do not shame a woman, but it seems very clear by your post compared to mine, the intent of your post is to shame me for my views while my post in rather to offer perspective and information. If you dont agree thats fine, but dont preach to me about your perspective in a judging manner, i never asked for it. We're all different and are at different points in our lives with different levels of progress in the journey of life. Shame if you take a look at it objectively only serves the purpose of hurting someone elses psyche as a defence mechanism it doesnt solve anything. Take a look at a lot of religions in which they use shame as a tactic to brainwash people to believing their innate biological desires are inhumane and are deserving of punishment. How did that work out? Wonder why Catholic priests throughout history felt the need to molest little boys. Ultimately my point is this, the OP asked for help regarding an issue and i gave a response for help her understand a perspective she realistically would not be able to hear from SO, it was meant for help her not to be judged by your opinion. So keep it to yourself unless you have something PRODUCTIVE, key word to add
     
  14. Lilla_My

    Lilla_My Fapstronaut

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    In 2008 I believe, a monogamous gene was found in men. The same gene has not been found in women yet. Ovulating women are prone to choose younger/fitter/more aggressive males then she prefers when she is not ovulating, hence raising the risk for cheating. The statistics are rather clear; women and men cheat about the same and have about the same biological wiring for monogamy. In no species on earth is the male more polygamous than the female; if one gender is polyamorous, both are.

    Before I married I loved men. All hot men. I would pine over them and want to sleep with them. I would get bored of the guy I was with, and want more. You know what I was? A poor fertile girl, suppressing her urges, deny herself what nature wanted her to get? My biological urges told me to copulate with fitter men, should I had listen?

    The point is: I was an asshole. Instead of telling my partners I didn't wanna be with only them, I leaned on them, using them for my security and ego, leeching on their lives, wasting their time, ruined their sense of wellbeing and self esteem. I wasn't ready for commitment and I should be shamed! I'm not religious, but I have since developed morals about what it means to ruin other people's lives. I had NO right.

    If your psyche is bruised by my comment, just imagine what your girlfriend will feel down the road. That's where you need to pay attention.

    Go ahead, screw as many women as you please if nature tells you to do so, but dont screw their minds. Give them the right to choose too. They might want more and better as well.
     
  15. DeepParkWater

    DeepParkWater Fapstronaut

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    Jesus seems like I hit sensitive spot. Look lady I never asked for you advice now youre preaching at me for posting something in response to what the OP asked for. So lets go there since you want to go there.
    If you take a look at the large sample size of people take statistics for what they are. Both men and women want monogamous relationships and both women and men cheat, no shit. My initial comments for using the difference between men and women was to make the case in point that men may have a psychological predisposition to want to sleep with other people, I did not say that women are not allowed to or do not have the same desires. I did not try to condone infidelity in any way shape or form. Women have hormones obviously just as men do and this alone does not make you a bad person. You said you listened to your urges, now, I dont know what you did to other people, maybe you led them on, maybe you tricked people into thinking you were their only lover, or maybe you were an actual piece of shit. I dont know and I dont care. I agree with you that when it comes to it objectively, I agree no one has the right to value ones needs over another. It seems that the issue that you and I arent agreeing upon is the basis of what is considered cheating in a monogomous relationship. I stated that my ex shamed me for following women on instagram. The basis of that emotion on one level is that she was hurt that I found other people attractive. I can understand that emotion, I have no problem with that, only an idiot has a problem with that. My point since you didnt get it obviously is that shaming someone on the basis of trying to control their thoughts is manipulative and controlling. Trying to shame men for having simple desires is absolutely ludicrous. Acting on such desires, through infidelity is breaking a monogamous relationship, but if you think that men, even your husband doesnt see a woman and think you know what shes attractive youre out of your fucking mind. The clear distinction here, is finding someone attractive but then choosing not to follow up on those actions. This is not infidelity, this is called being a human. I dont know what you have done in your personal relationships, but please save your bullshit for someone else, rather than using your past and assuming that people are as fucked up as you are. Because force feeding someone your sense of self-righteousness for the need to make yourself feel better with the malicious intent you have; makes you nothing more than what you said you were, an asshole.
     
    Last edited: Jul 1, 2019
  16. fapequalsdeath

    fapequalsdeath Fapstronaut

    I personally don't know a man who doesn't want to have sex with lots of women. The only difference between us and animals is that we can choose not to, for the right reason. I don't imagine how sleeping with other women can be helpful to a marriage, where you want to raise children.
     
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  17. Lilla_My

    Lilla_My Fapstronaut

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    There is an abundance of anger and maliciousness in your response which you should make something useful of. Arguing with someone online is basically just a waste of energy. If you took that passion and transferred it to a skill, you would be quite the craftsman.

    I took my life as an example, but I'm quite the average woman. I've lived and I've learned. I know what it means to be hurt and to hurt other people (and that good people can be easily lost from our selfish actions), and I take great pride in treating my relationships with silk gloves. I never disrespect my husband - ever. If you call that being self righteous then I am self righteous and proud of it. He deserves all my respect and all of me.

    It's not really about finding other people attractive. We all do, but we move on, we don't dwell on it when we are in a relationships. Do you go out on the streets ogling under women's skirts when you are with your girlfriend? No? Because that's disrespectful, right? But you can do it behind her back on Instagram? And that's ok?

    Your girlfriend is not jealous, she is simply stating her right to have a man that focus on her and respect her. If you are unable to do that for whatever reason, you should explain that to her and let her decide if she wanna move on with someone else. There is a lot of wonderful men out there!

    Lastly, I think you should consider the woman who actually started this post. She is deeply wounded by her partners behaviour. Think of her as if she was your daughter. Is that what you want for her? She deserves all the love in the world from her man, not this.
     
  18. DeepParkWater

    DeepParkWater Fapstronaut

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    You know I appreciate your perspective. But the key here being I never asked for your opinion. While you on the other hand are. Ergo self-righteousness. I understand that from a womans perspective that is what you want and that you deserve. But at the end of the day if you are shaming people on an online forum to people who never asked your opinion, you have some issues you need to take a look at. I dont know your story and I dont care, you clearly do not get the point I am trying to make here that youre judging people and forcing your opinions on an forum designed to help people speak safely about their issues. Its really selfish of you and the fact that you do not see that says something. You have your views thats fine, stop trying to shove them down my throat. In the realm of future daughters, I have the wherewithal to understand that things are out of my control, would I want the best for her yes, am I going to be butthurt about a theoretical situation that I cant control no. The core idea i was making here was that of controlling behavior. Mind you also, you know nothing about my situation yet you're trying to preach at me about how I am supposed to be ashamed.

    So please save your breath, I am trying to take the time to understand your perspective, at this moment I wonder if you have the capability to respect mine.
     
    Last edited: Jul 1, 2019
  19. Lilla_My

    Lilla_My Fapstronaut

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    Nobody is shaming you for your human desires. And my views are irrelevant for your relationship (they should be at least). What I mean is that your partner has the right to choose if she wanna be with a man that isn't fully committed to her, and that she would appreciate your openness on the subject. A lot of partners to PAs struggle with the fact that their ability to make an informed decision was taken away from them. That's a very powerful and devastating emotion. You talk about controlling behaviour, but isn't it very controlling to force monogamy on your partner, but not fully and in your heart commit to it yourself? Out of you two, who got the best deal? You shouldn't make this about me, or what I think, but about her.

    Secondly, it could be beneficial to appreciate the fact that this is an open forum where people exchange their opinions, their thoughts and their experiences. If your opinions are so sacred that they can't be questioned, you should consider writing them down in a diary and not on a public forum. I can't shove my opinions down anyone's throats, as people here are intelligent enough to think for themselves. All I can do is offer my perspective and stand up when I think someone is being mistreated.

    Again, we must come here with the utmost respect for the woman who started this thread. She is going through unbelievable pain. Some of the things you wrote didn't strike me as neither considerate nor helpful. She doesn't have to settle for a man that treats her this way, and I want her to hear that a thousand times and then a thousand times more. Maybe when you successfully wean yourself off porn you will sympathize more with her and be less defensive about it.
     
    Last edited: Jul 1, 2019
  20. DeepParkWater

    DeepParkWater Fapstronaut

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    I appreciate and respect you perspective, but its preachy, ONCE AGAIN, I did not ask for your opinion. Since you cant get that Ill just have to block you. In terms of forcing monogamy on someone, once again I DO NOT consider looking at women a breach of monogomy. You do. This is the line that youre not understanding here. If someones asking you not to share your opinion but you are repeatedly directing it towards them then it is shoving it down their throat. Youre just going gungho over a topic you feel strongly about. Keep in mind, I never intended to disrespect the woman who started this thread. Lets make that clear, youre using this as an argument as if i had any ill intention towards her, of which I do not. I offered a perspective, you disagree, thats fine, the difference here is that im respecting your views to disagree, but for the love of god woman stop preaching to me. Youre acting like youre the saving voice of reason when all im trying to do here is tell you to stop offering opinions towards people who didnt ask for them. If shes being mistreated then direct that towards the OP, right now youre directing it at me for some reason. Wait that reason is that you benefit from this psychologically by telling me im wrong for my views. While im asking you to respect mine. If you feel that she should leave her man then tell her that. She asked for an opinion, not me. If my comments are neither considerate or respectful, they are so because youre offering perspective on something I didnt ask for. But youre right, you are entitled to your opinion why you took my post as an intention to be malicious Im not sure, but this conversations going no where
     
    Last edited: Jul 1, 2019

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