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My porn addiction has gotten the worst its ever been.

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by yerrrrrrrtssssssss, Jun 23, 2019.

  1. yerrrrrrrtssssssss

    yerrrrrrrtssssssss Fapstronaut

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    After fapping over and over again, I realized that its time to give up it up by finally blocking it. Anyone have any recommendations and how I can block porn sites and other sites that I want to block? I restricted everything on my phone except calling and texting, but I just need to block the sites on my computer.
     
  2. You seem to admit you have a problem but you did not take responsibility for dealing with it. Looking for blockers, is shifting responsibility, form you to the software.
    If you go on this path you are looking at 3-5months of constant relapses and then you will come back here and maybe finally admit you are responsible fixing this.
     
  3. Although it may seem harsh Ronila is right. I've been here awhile and the whole blocker thing- it really doesn't work. i don't know anyone who it has worked for long term.

    The fucked up harsh reality of this whole porn thing is that unless it comes 100% from you it just won't stick. Because society will tell you it's ok and your tv and radio and friends will tell you it's ok, and your own mind will when your particularly built up (you know) will try to convince you as well. Your own mind! It has to come from a place that's deeper than that because as you know, it's just too easy to slip right back in. It's not like other things, you don't have to leave the house or meet a dealer or go get a prostitute, all you need is internet.. that's the devil in it, it's simple and unassuming.

    I'm not gonna act like i got it all figured out, i have hit 100+ days several times and fallen again and again. But i learned each time. The only way is to have all the access and freedom to porn you want, and you still say no because you value a bigger picture of a possible you, over feeling good right now. And that sometimes has to happen over many, many attempts until you reach your breaking point. It doesn't have to be this way at all! But majority of people do not have the self control or the discipline to stop until something drastic happens in their life that "Snaps" them awake.
     
  4. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    Yeah I had the blocking software on my computer for about a year, in fairness it proved somewhat useful as an initial hurdle to get around before I could relapse.

    I lost the software, uninstalling it during one relapse, only to find the company had been bought and it was no longer cheap to buy again... But I digress, now without any safety net software, it's 100% on me. And it's better that way.

    Even if I relapse again and again. I have to learn to use a computer (tech which is here to stay) without going off track, much in the same fashion as an alcoholic who walks past a bottle shop on the way home from work without being affected.
     
    Nugget9 likes this.
  5. Chefb87

    Chefb87 Fapstronaut

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    Instead of blocking apps where you can still find ways to get around them , why don't you look at an app called accountable2you . It doesnt block anything . You can go onto any site you wish ...BUT what it does do is once you give access to someone in your life you trust will make you accountable. It will send alerts via email or text when the app picks up on somethng questionable . So instead of trying to block sites. Use accountable2you where it figuratively shines that light on you so you don't go back into the dark .
     
  6. scarecrow1

    scarecrow1 Fapstronaut

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    Cut your internet cables and smash your computer if necessary.

    You would be sceptical of an alcoholic who was okay with having drink in the cupboards.

    If he could resist that he’d almost disqualify himself of that title.

    If you really believe that this is a addiction (and maybe deep down you don’t)then you will follow my advice.
     
    Ogikubo, Nugget9 and LavaMe like this.
  7. IR254

    IR254 Fapstronaut

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    Sorry, but that's stupid advice. Recovery is not about avoiding triggers, especially not in such drastic ways. Nowadays, you need your internet and computer for a lot more than just entertainment.

    But now back to the initial post. Over the years, I tried basicially every single piece of software or trick to block my access to porn. What I learned over time is this:

    1) You can not block your access to porn, especially if you are good with computers. There will always be a way around any kind of blockage, no matter how it works. If you really crave porn, you will find a way to watch it.

    2) Blockers don't help you in the long run. They can be used as a tool to remind yourself of your goals, but nothing more. You have to learn how to react to triggers in a healthy way. Just trying to blocking them out is not the way to go. You'll never learn to react differntly, if you don't let yourself have the chance to learn. Then it's only a matter of time until you'll come across a trigger and relapse.

    Regarding your problem of your addiction becoming worse: I know what you're talking about. The same thing happened to me as well. I tried to abstain from porn and masturbation completly cold turkey. As a result, I always relapsed after a couple of days and binged very hard. I watched even harder stuff than before I find out about my addiction (honestly, my porn tastes before relapsing over and over again seem vanilla in comparison to my porn tastes nowadays!) and I edged longer than before. Intermittent porn use is an addiction risk, as I had to learn (see this article for more info: https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/reb...ong-abstinence-with-binges-an-addiction-risk/).

    I had to realize, that a cold turkey approach was not the way to go for me. Consistently failing at something is not helping you at all, it rather destroys you. The essence of this realization can be phrased like Jordan Peterson did, when he talked about a person trying to stop spending hours everday on playing video games while failing to managing his responsibilities. This entire talk resonated with me a lot:

    The link to the source is here:
     
  8. LavaMe

    LavaMe Fapstronaut

    No, it’s not stupid advice. Not at all. You don’t have an absolute need for a computer. Yes, a lot of life is simpler with a computer. But if having that computer is helping you to be mired in PMO then it is worth considering getting rid of it.

    It is true that we need to work on fixing the underlying causes of a PMO habit. But while doing that it may be extremely helpful to not be able to look at porn or substitutes.
     
  9. IR254

    IR254 Fapstronaut

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    It is stupid advice. And getting rid of something and smashing/cutting something are not the same things by the way.

    So let me emphasize: Yes, you don't need a computer for survival. But a lot of things become impossible or a lot harder without it and most people nowadays need a computer for school/work/University. Apart from that, it's not really smart to get rid of the computer in order to quit porn. As long as you don't plan to never buy a computer/smartphone/TV/*insert any tech device* in your life again, then it's not really helpful at all. As soon as a new piece of tech is in your house, you will be tempted again, but this time without the training you would already have, if you kept your computer in the first place.

    So, if someone wants to live like in the middleages for the rest of their lifes, then more power to them. But when you want a normal life, you better find a way to live with media & computers around you.

    Impossible. You will always be able to look at porn or Psubs. These things are literally everywhere. You have to learn to live with them, not to run away from them. You won't change a thing that way.
     
    Reborn16 likes this.
  10. LavaMe

    LavaMe Fapstronaut

    No, it isn’t stupid and even if you disagree you could at least show some charity and not call it stupid. You could just disagree.

    There was nothing wrong with life in the Middle Ages and it is possible people were more content and happy. A normal life today, defined as you have, would mean most people having computers and using them to look at porn. That seems to be what most people do. Being a slave to the age is not really a great virtue or wise.

    No they aren’t literally everywhere. They may be in lots of places but they aren’t everywhere. Again, I said it may be helpful to significantly lessen your chances of encountering them while you learn to better handle them.
     
  11. IR254

    IR254 Fapstronaut

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    It is stupid and I will continue to call it that. I don't see any reason why I shouldn't. If you can't take it, you could sell your computer. How about that? smh

    Mhm, yea bro. Sure. Nothing at all...

    Don't act like you don't understand what I mean, when I say 'everywhere'. Triggers are on the internet, on TV, on the radio, in music, in newspapers, magazines, posters, ads, etc., etc. Other people can be triggers as well, they can be looking at them while you come across, and more. You can not avoid all triggers forever, unless you want to isolate yourself completly somewhere in the woods. If you believe that a life in complete isolation is worth living, than go right ahead. I doubt, that a lot of people would follow.
     
  12. LavaMe

    LavaMe Fapstronaut

    Well, I gave you a reason. You chose to ignore it and carry on.

    You said ‘literally’ everywhere. That isn’t the case. A long time ago, certainly by the Middle Ages, some people who I guess weren’t all that wise, since they didn’t have computers, had this concept of avoiding the near occasion of sin. This doesn’t have to be just sin but anything that isn’t good for you. The idea was not to put yourself in jeopardy of doing something bad or not good for you by avoiding things which are likely to encourage you. You may reject the notion. I think it makes good sense. I’d prefer to set myself up for success.
     
  13. IR254

    IR254 Fapstronaut

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    "Showing charity" is no reason. I won't be silent, just because someone might be offended when I call his idea stupid. Destroying your computer is still stupid.

    Then good luck trying to avoid everything, which could potentially be triggering for the rest of your life. Your just setting yourself up for failure. In the long run, you'll come across something and since you didn't train to react differently by just avoiding things, you'll fall back into it most likely. So, a trigger-avoiding strategy might seem reasonable in your head, but a) it's not possible to avoid triggers effectively and b) even if it would be, you wouldn't change a thing. Abstinence is not recovery.

    If you wanna live a life, where you always have to be careful and watching out for potential triggers, then feel free man. But I can tell you from my own hurtful experience, it doesn't work.
     
    yerrrrrrrtssssssss likes this.
  14. yyz33

    yyz33 Fapstronaut

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    I would look into "pluckeye" an browser extension to get pat that initial hurdle like some other people have said. It is not 100% impenetrable but it is pretty damn good. It will at least make it more difficult to get to porn right away. I currently use it.

    However, yes you will also need to be 100% committed to a goal of not watching porn for a certain amount of time and do your part, otherwise you will always find a way around it.
     
  15. scarecrow1

    scarecrow1 Fapstronaut

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    I want to say to the poster disagreeing with my advice that I do indeed use the internet a lot. I use it at malls, coffee shops and the office.

    It’s the best method if you accept this as an addiction. It is entirely valid to say that you don’t consider it an addiction.
     
  16. IR254

    IR254 Fapstronaut

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    Then you're directly supporting my argument: Even drastic measures like destroying (!) your devices doesn't keep you from accessing the internet and therefore coming across a lot of triggers potentially.

    But another important thing become very clear by your response: Your main point isn't actually to get rid of your access to media and triggers. If that would be so, you wouldn't allow yourself to go to coffee shops in order to use the internet. In reality, your argument is mainly about the way you use your devices. And that's something, which we can agree on. Indeed, it can be helpful to only use your computer in public, but that doesn't make your initial advice of destroying it any more helpful or practical.

    So, to conclude my main points:

    a) Changing the way you use your devices (by "the way" I only mean time & place in this context!) can be benefitial, but it's not necessary for recovery, nor is success guaranteed.

    b) It can even be benefitial to have your devices close to you in order to learn how to live with them: It's highly unlikely, that you will go to a coffee shop for internet access for the rest of your life! Most likely, you'll have some devices around again in the future! So, you better learn how to use them properly sooner than later. Otherwise you're just making things harder for yourself in the long run.
     
  17. JedWiley

    JedWiley Fapstronaut

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    When someone quits smoking they could ALWAYS go to the store and buy cigarettes. I hear you but to me blocking P is just a way of making a massive, empty statement. It literally means fucking nothing bro. Infact you are stronger to know its available and just say 'Not a chance' to your self. Go for a run and repeat 'I am unstoppable, I am unstoppable' over and over in your mind, a couple of weeks later and you are. ''We become what we think about all day long'' - Ralph Waldo Emerson.
     
    yerrrrrrrtssssssss likes this.
  18. I agree with what other posters have said, you have to make a conscious mental decision not to visit the porn. The blockers are great at keeping you clear of genuine mistakes and accidents (like nefarious pop-ups which can act as triggers), but in reality, if you don't set yourself a clear goal you're just going to end up temporarily disabling the blockers while you get your fix.

    The change has to come from you, but you can do it!
     
  19. bigboibez

    bigboibez Fapstronaut

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    This is a good debate because it works differently for different people.

    Blockers (and more realistically accountability software) CAN be a good idea for someone who simply wants to forget about porn being in their life. It works as long as it is airtight- I know an addicted mind will always find its way of getting its fix.

    Think of it this way... using blockers/accountability software shifts responsibility. you're not really tackling the issue, you're tackling the result/symptoms. It is like a king not building up his army and simply keeping away the invader by using fortifications.
    overcoming pmo with full access is like building up the kings army. you face the enemy, you fight them, and you win. and as a result you're free for life.

    the fortress works for the king as long as it is impenetrable. but there almost always is a weakness in it, and if it is discovered, the invaders win. the king can also never venture outside his walls, he is trapped forever.

    I do understand the dilemma here. relapsing over and over and just feeling so fucking desperate and trapped to get rid of this shit. you get desperate. any way to do it will work. but I found immense anxiety in knowing that as soon as I get access to the internet, I will get hit by a barrage of uncontrollable urges and then it is just a matter of time until I relapse.
    So I had to face it head on. instead of full access, I am introducing new devices monthly so it isn't too brutal at the beginning. every night I face this terrible anxiety but I am able to make it clear in my head that it is just the process of withdrawal. I wanted to quit nofap as I was becoming so obsessed with quitting but I couldn't go back to pmo, I just hated it. I couldn't enjoy it like I had before. so now this is the only way. face my fucking fears and know why im doing this.

    But ultimately it has been hard for me because my life for the past year has been unfulfilling. tonnes of boredom and free time, lack of purpose. but in September I start full time work and I know it will make this journey easier.

    So if you want to make this permenant it has to come from within you. your brain will give you constant anxiety, weird thoughts, porn dreams, doubt, you name it, you'll get it. but as soon as you understand that its the addiction talking and not actually you; you will be able to distinguish between what you actually want and what the addiction wants. and always remember, looking at porn is not an option. it is EXACTLY what caused you to get this in the first place and so long as you don't use it, the symptoms will get less and less until you have complete control and never have to worry about it again.

    Good luck
     
  20. yerrrrrrrtssssssss

    yerrrrrrrtssssssss Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the good advice. I wont block any websites and I wont get rid of any of my technology, I will let everything to be accessible on my internet and will face this addiction like a real man. Good luck to you to
     
    bigboibez likes this.

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