Jagliana's Journal | An S.O's perspective

DAY 509: 6/22/2019

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Current Book by Dr. Shefali Tsabary:
  "Out of Control: Why Disciplining Your Child Doesn't Work... & What Will"
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

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Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings /
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Recovery.
3) Flirty Messages with Wade.
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Last night, Wade let me get out my frustrations about my parents. Man, I don't know how I used to get by with so much pent up frustration - like how did I survive that long? holy shit, between bottling up my issues with Wade for over a decade, my parents and just life in general -- all of it, holding it all in within myself with no release, sheesh. Granted, I did disconnect myself from the world, but I still remember this really heavy feeling constantly hovering over my head, just weighing me down as I walked around with a fake smile on my face. I am so happy I have at least one person with whom I am able to share anything with, without having to wear any masks, not anymore.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Avoid Distractions And Stay Focused”, in this episode, we get some tips on how to avoid distractions and stay focused. Remember, what you do every day is your life in miniature.

This morning, we listened to Relationship Theory's "Why Do I Have Resentment?" where Tom and Lisa discuss the role of comparison in your relationship, most of the episode focused on the first submitted question, where the woman asked them what she should do because she is growing resentful that her man makes a lot more money, doing a lot less work, with less travel time to and from work... when she has to bust her ass, make less money, etc., I think if they are both working towards the household/same goals, you should never be jealous of your partner like that. If you don't like your job or what you make, change it then, it is not his fault that his kind of job has fewer hours or that his type of job pays more. If this is something that bothers her that much and she does not want to change careers, then she needs to find a new relationship because he should not have to change his career because she is jealous, that's just ridiculous. If she is so unhappy with her own side of it, then change it? don't have the skills for his type of work? go learn them. Wade agreed with me on that. Then I went on my walk and Wade fished, he listened to the "Esther Perel with Chris Cuomo: The State of Affairs — Rethinking Infidelity" and really enjoyed it, I listened to two videos, both awesome, one was "Esther Perel - How To Find The Sweet Spot Between Love & Desire" (she hits on key points like: how do you keep the spark alive in relationships, why do we start hating the things in our partner that had originally drew us to them in the first place, how we get stuck in a rut and kill our relationships etc.) and the other was "Betrayal Trauma: What is it & How to Heal" and it provided some really great insight into betrayal trauma, triggers, and shame... they also brought up a good point, that never really clicked in my head until they mentioned it, that more shame the recovering addict harbors, the more likely he may relapse. Wade and I talk so much, we go through some difficult conversations (from both ends) but with that, we let out our shame, we don't harbor it or judge each other for it and I think this has played a big part in his success in recovery. During my walk, every time I was across from Wade, we waved at each other, it was cute, we also sent each other cute little messages - that was fun.

In the afternoon we took the kids to the playground for a little while. The weather finally cleared up, so I decided to put on this new summer dress I had gotten, I didn't think too much of it at first (it is just a plain navy blue, solid tank dress), but when Wade saw me in it for the first time, he began showering me with compliments. I am still getting used to this, in the past, I could have been doing naked barrel rolls in front of him and he wouldn't bat an eye. It didn't stop there, he kept giving me compliments the whole time and I must admit, it did make me feel good and want to be closer to him, I began snuggling with him while we were sitting at the playground, it was sweet. He liked how the dress looked so much that he even wants me to get another one just like it, but in another color lol then he started looking through other dresses he would want me to get, who is this guy? where was he for 12+ years, jesus.

At home he made us some pizza and then we continued our marathon of Toy Story movies, we are trying to watch them all so we can go see Toy Story 4 with the girls in the theater. Overall, it was a really nice day for us as a couple and family, much needed after the last week or so that we've had.

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Love my new summer dress and really enjoyed how much Wade seemed to love it too, made me feel good.

#Motivational
DESTROY WHAT DESTROYS YOU!


#Healing
Betrayal Trauma: What is it & How to Heal


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Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 |
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DAY 510: 6/23/2019

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Current Book by Dr. Shefali Tsabary:
  "Out of Control: Why Disciplining Your Child Doesn't Work... & What Will"
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

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Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings /
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Recovery.
3) Morning Walk.
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Last night, we chatted a bit on the balcony and then Wade wanted to continue our peaceful day with a movie night, so we watched Scary Movie, man it's been ages.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Why It's Important to Let Go of People Who Bring You Down”, in this episode, we get a lesson on why it's important to let go of people who bring you down. Remember, if someone is constantly bringing you down you have a responsibility to yourself to cut them out of your life.

This morning, I walked by myself, Wade took my dad fishing. During my walk, I listened to Caspar Craven on Impact Theory "One Simple Change That Will Change Your Entire Life". Caspar Craven is an Entrepreneur who learned what proper teamwork can accomplish when he, his wife and 3 young children sailed around the world to reboot their struggling lives and marriage. All aspects of the trip taught him the tools to effectively lead a group and your life in the right direction. He is the author of "How the Magic Happens" and shares what it takes to change the narrative of your story. They discuss the power of living with intention, practicing deep listening to effectively communicate with his wife, using relentless action to breakthrough doubt and find solutions, and how to leverage your ego for success. Two powerful quotes that took this interview home for me were: “and the only thing that matters is your reaction to whatever comes up. Because you know in life, in business, stuff's going to come up at some point. You just don't know what it is. And it's all about your reaction, how you deal with that....” and "when people tell us all the reasons that we couldn't do it... sometimes those reasons come across so powerfully they sound like facts, but they're just opinions and it's really important to remember that distinction..."

In the afternoon we decided to take the girls out to a local outdoor mall, the weather was nice, the little one played there a bit. There were a few triggers on site, of course, because of the weather. There was one woman there, a prime who was wearing a similar dress to the one Wade loved on me... so I immediately started thinking, well, I can only imagine - if he loved it so much on me, what must he think about it, on her, one of his 'primes'... that wasn't a pleasant experience for me, at all. We spoke about it at home, he tried to assure me that he loves me in it and no one else, he doesn't care about how anyone else looks in anything, but still, now it just taints it for me because I keep comparing the obvious differences that I saw... the visuals of how I look in the dress versus how she looks in the dress and of course, she looks way hotter in it and that is going to be stuck in my head and it sucks because I really love this dress, it's so comfy but I'm not delusional, like if he liked it so much on me, how much more does he like it one of his primes, come on. I may wear it anyway, but maybe ask him to hold off on the compliments about it. There was something weird about that trigger though, I felt like most of it was just firing off in my head, which is unusual because often times when I get triggered, I get sensations firing off all over my body (internally), my heart races, nerves get shot, I feel hot flashes, rage comes over, plus the thoughts - this time, it felt like it was just the thoughts and I only realized this as I was recalling it now, but it's worth noting because I don't recall having a trigger just with thoughts and no other accompanying feelings/sensations before, might be just a weird oddity or one-off.

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Was in a good mood/felt at ease during my walk this morning.

#Relationships
Esther Perel - Fight Smarter: Avoid the Most Common Argument Patterns


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Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 |
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At no point did my husband, ever, abuse our daughter. Not sure where you are getting your information from ...

 

Was it wrong to do? yes, because it was done without getting my okay or my being there. Would I have said okay? no, because I would have told him she was not emotionally ready for a conversation about it, yet.

But him having a conversation with our daughter about addiction, what addictive behaviors are and lead to, the consequences, how he can relate to her outbursts because he has had his own similar issues - I do not consider that "acting out sexually", not in the slightest.

So, if my daughter began asking questions about porn because she heard about it at school or if she saw me sad one day and I was the one that decided to have an honest one on one chat with my daughter about betrayal trauma, what caused it (his porn addiction) etc., that would be me acting out sexually? I don't think so.

There are real abusers out there and my husband is not one of them, under no circumstance would I have stayed in a marriage if he were, period. What he did was wrong for other reasons, but acting out sexually, that's not one of them, sorry.

 

Exactly! 110%%%%

Thank you!

 

DAY 511: 6/24/2019

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Current Book by Dr. Shefali Tsabary:
  "Out of Control: Why Disciplining Your Child Doesn't Work... & What Will"
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

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Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings /
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Recovery.
3) The nice moment on the balcony.
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Last night, we talked about the very interesting interpretation someone had here on my journal, how fast assumptions grow and how words can get twisted around and perceived to one's own imagination, it is a good thing this is an anonymous place because rumors spread like wildfire, especially false ones. Then we spoke about how my triggers work and what difference was with this last one, well, more so what was weird about it. We shared how we both see things, from my viewpoint and he shared it from his own.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Grow Your Confidence And Self-Esteem”, in this episode, we get some tips on how to grow your confidence. Remember, being unafraid of not being liked is the best way to be liked.

This morning, during our walk, we listened to one of Tom Bilyeu's old interview from Inside Quest with Nir Eyal, called "Addictive Behaviors". Nir Eyal is the author of "Hooked: How to Build Habit-Forming Products" and "Indistractable: How to Control Your Attention and Choose Your Life". This was a fascinating discussion where Mr. Eyal really explains in an easy to understand way, just how we get hooked and unhooked on habits and how habits easily slide right into becoming addictions. He explains how the mind receives and learns which behavior it wants more of, which turns into NEEDING more of and why. That method of understanding how it all works, how we get hooked consists of four simple steps. Within those steps is where you'll find how a habit can easily turn into an addiction. If you open up a good or bad habit, as if it were a book, you'd find a trigger, which is followed by an action that gives you a reward and/or investment.

In the afternoon we sat out on the balcony and had some brunch, we revisited the subject of 'types' and the daunting feeling of me knowing how much I want him, him knowing it too and me not being certain of it because history has proven otherwise. Having the feeling sitting within me, well it hurts and kills me. He tells me that these days, all he wants is me and no one else, it does not matter who is around and I would give anything to believe him, I don't want to have these triggers but unfortunately, I just can not control it. We shared a good moment when he came and sat by me while we talked, it was sweet.

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Opened up more to Wade and found comfort in his arms.

#Relationships
How to Gain CONFIDENCE


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Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 |
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DAY 512: 6/25/2019

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Current Book by Dr. Shefali Tsabary:
  "Out of Control: Why Disciplining Your Child Doesn't Work... & What Will"
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

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Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings /
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Recovery.
3) Morning Walk.
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Last night, we talked about the same topics from the previous days. Later he gave me a nice back rub, then we watched some TV and went to bed, it was peaceful.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Why Change Is So Hard”, in this episode, Brendon Burchard talks about why change is so hard. Remember, don't fear change, embrace it. Although sometimes, it is not so easy to do or accept, especially when you are so used to how things once were.

This morning, during our walk, we listened to Relationship Theory's “When I Met You, I Did NOT Plan To Get Married” where Tom and Lisa discuss where you should put your energy: entrepreneurship or relationship? Well, at least that is where a lot of the focus was. Most of the episode centered around a question submitted by a woman, who says she is tired of the uncertainty she feels with her husband's lack of income. He has been pursuing a career/ business goal for 6 years with little return, but he keeps promising that he is close to his big break. Wade and I both agreed that the reality of the situation is this, they need to be honest with each other and themselves. If her main value is money and that sort of security, then unless he wins the lotto, it will not work out. They obviously have a collision of values. I have always valued time over money, no matter how broke we were, if given the choice I would prefer spending the day with him, then him working overtime. Until they have an honest heart to heart, neither of them will ever be happy. We had a great discussion and everything was going well until... as usual - I got triggered and it is as if everything I had just been feeling, stopped and it was like seeing red, all I could think was... how much he must want to be ogling her/them, is he frustrated that I am keeping him from doing so? Does he wish he would be having this talk, this walk with her instead of me? The frustrating part is, I don't want to think or feel this way, but I can not control or help it. He makes a great case about how he feels about me now, how attracted he is to me these days, how he doesn't care for anyone else and I want to believe him, more than anything, but after all of these years of pure neglect as I watched him lust after certain type of women, it just does not compute in my head, especially not in the middle of a trigger. Even when I am not in a trigger, I don't know, it's still difficult to believe because I went for so long without hearing any compliments out of him, getting ignored for over a decade but watching him drool over others - it is just so rough. He is different now, I told him that these days it is like I'm dating a completely new man (like where the f*ck was this guy this whole time, omfg!!) some of the stuff feels so out of character, it is a shock every time, because I am so unused to it, but my gut tells me that he is being authentic - it is not a manipulative game he is playing or just checking boxes, he is being completely honest for the first time in our relationship (and probably his life) whether he gets in hot water for that honesty or not... so I want to get there, I want to believe that no matter who is around, he will still only and always desire me, but will I be able to do so? I just don't know, my brain is unpredictable.

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
I love being able to fit into my HS size again.

#Motivational
The Pains of Progress - Why Change is Hard


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Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 |
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DAY 513: 6/26/2019

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Current Book by Dr. Shefali Tsabary:
  "Out of Control: Why Disciplining Your Child Doesn't Work... & What Will"
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

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Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings /
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Recovery.
3) Last 'long' morning walk, until September.
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Last night, we talked for a bit about the same stuff, the more we do it, the more we seem to be connecting. He also told me that, even though I've mentioned this to him during our chats, reading my thoughts about how I feel about his authenticity, really made him feel good. How I see him as a "new boyfriend" of sorts, that makes him happy. He also thinks that our wedding song (first dance) no longer triggering me is progress in my healing, maybe, who knows. Then we watched some TV and went to have fun... then bed, it was a peaceful night.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Stop Worrying About What Others Think Of You”, in this episode, we learn how to stop worrying about what others think of you in three simple steps. Those steps? Step 1) Brainwash yourself, from the brainwashing of others, Step 2) Tune out disapproving people and Step 3) Be Yourself. Remember, care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.

This morning, we tried to begin listening to Relationship Theory's “Get Clear On Your Values & Watch Your Relationship Improve” but that did not pan out, with the kids running amuck. Wade's hip was hurting so he sat and fished, listened to some Impact Theory videos, while I walked three rounds. As I walked, I listened to "Unraveling Shame & Other Intense Emotions in Crisis" an educational video series by Kristin Snowden, a licensed addiction and relationship therapist. She explores the concepts around shame, how to identify it, and how to unravel all the other uncomfortable, intense emotions that occur during relationship struggles and triggers (pretty much, without naming that term). It was a very informative video, especially for SO's in my opinion. Then, I turned on my walking jams and lost myself in the music, I needed to because just as we got to the trail there were a few triggers for me and that did not set the right mood for me, from the get-go. I ended up exhausting myself both physically (walking) and mentally; because I kept trying to "force quit" my trigger/emotions/internal feelings as they kept bubbling back up, no matter how hard I tried. I am just so sick and tired of them, it is like they strip away apart of me, apart of my identity and who I want to be, constantly.

Today was the last day of school, it is going to be a loooooooonnnnngggggg summer..............................

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Still; personally, love my blue dress, even if I have flashbacks and thoughts of Wade imaging his prime in it.

#Motivational
How To Stop Caring What People Think of You


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Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 |
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DAY 514: 6/27/2019

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Current Book by Dr. Shefali Tsabary:
  "Out of Control: Why Disciplining Your Child Doesn't Work... & What Will"
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

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Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings /
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Recovery.
3) Not going at it alone anymore.
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Last night, we spoke on the balcony for a bit, I told him that I don't know if I believe that he does not get any feeling inside when a prime passes by or an urge to look, where he needs to talk himself out of it, after his history - just seems strange to me. Then he told me that he remembered a repressed memory from his teen years and we discussed that for a bit. Then my client sent me a job she needed to be done quickly, so we went to watch TV and I worked while we did that. When we laid down to go to bed, he was slurring quite a bit by that point (he had been drinking earlier) but at the time I didn't think anything of it, I began caressing him, usually that leads to 'something' but then he stopped moving, so I got irritated and said out loud "you're already asleep!?" and he shockingly responded with "huh, what? were you in the middle of saying something?" and I said no, that I was in the middle of feeling him up and he passed out... He didn't give me the impression that he was super sleepy or tired, so how was I supposed to know? therefore from my side of it, he got wasted and because of that, he passed out and was incoherent to what I was doing, which made me feel rejected/ignored/unwanted and of course all of those feelings triggered me big time. After I responded out loud, he was thrown into shame and then he woke up and got emotional, had to walk out to calm down, we ended up deciding not to continue talking about this while we were both triggered and tabled the discussion for the morning. I was still not in a touchy-feely mood, but he grabbed my hand and pulled it over his body anyway, I was okay with that, it actually calmed me down a bit and I fell asleep.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Learn From Failure: Lessons From High Achievers”, in this episode, we get a lesson on learning from failure, from some of this generations highest achievers. Remember, we are all works in progress.

This morning, we got up to some devastating news that put my stomach into knots and made my own feelings of hurt from the night before seem so small compared to something like this, one of Wade's coworkers had committed suicide, leaving behind a wife and three adult children, apparently to make matters even more confusing and just unbelievable, he did it in the middle of his vacation [stay at home] during a family gathering, where he stepped outside onto his deck and shot himself... no one saw this coming, not with this guy. He was social, always cheerful, and even though he and I budded heads once years ago (my husband's fault) he apologized and then we were always cordial after that. I will say this, he sure put up a great front, I know first hand (and so do most SO's) that what we show the outside world, the fake and 'happy' persona is just a cover for our devastating shame, pain, and misery, the raging battle within our heads, daily. Millions suffer internally unbeknownst to others because we are too afraid, ashamed and fearful to let anyone in, not even one person. So, we all wear a mask daily and have this insatiable need to keep it up because if assume if we reach out for help, it could ruin the perception of ourselves that we've put out into the world. During our walk, we listened to Relationship Theory's “Get Clear On Your Values & Watch Your Relationship Improve” where Tom and Lisa discuss how to help your partner develop a growth mindset, if they are interested in having one because if they are stuck in a fixed mindset - there is nothing that can be done, other than making a choice... giving up your own values or giving up the relationship and moving on. It was a pretty good one, but we have been so distracted with the other news, it was difficult for us to focus. Wade, decided to sit out for the second round and read, while I walked more. He messaged me a few times, telling me how grateful he was to have me in his life and I responded with "me too, these days" because, now I, as does he, finally have that one person - that no matter what we are going through (even in the middle of a trigger, argument, etc) we know that when push comes to shove, we can still count on each other to be there, to put our own issue(s) aside in order to support the other and TALK openly, freely in a judgment-free zone, something neither of us had and many still don't. I bottled up my pain for years and finally being able to express it has been a lifesaver, I think he feels the same.

Then we took the kids to the pool, there was a neighbor there, a trigger from the past but ... 'it is what it is' my mind was too focused on Wade's emotional state and the kids, that somehow I was able to stuff it.

Today is going to be a long day.

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Was able to put aside my feelings from last night in order to be there for my husband.

#Healing
Unraveling Shame & Other Intense Emotions in Crisis


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Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 |
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DAY 515: 6/28/2019

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Current Book by Dr. Shefali Tsabary:
  "Out of Control: Why Disciplining Your Child Doesn't Work... & What Will"
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

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Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings /
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Recovery.
3) Having a Pool around the corner.
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Last night, we sat out on our balcony and Wade was expressing out everything he was feeling about his coworker's suicide. His sense of loss, confusion, despair and a whole host of emotions and I was glad that I could be there for him. I do not want to spell out everything, but let's just say he was in a tough spot and being really vulnerable with me and I am happy to be his safe place, his comfort, and rock. We just spent the entire night holding each other's space.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Stop Wasting Energy And Use Your Time More Efficiently”, in this episode, we get some valuable tips on how to stop wasting energy and start using our time more efficiently. Remember, be careful of who and what activities you invest your time in. Wasted time is worse than wasted money.

This morning, we walked and talked, we listened to Dr. Dan Pardi on Health Theory, his episode was called "How to Get The Most From Your Sleep Cycle". Dan is a sleep specialist, the CEO of humanOS.me and helps people engineer healthier behaviors. He talks about how to optimize your behaviors for health, the importance of sleep, and why we get fat. He goes over the importance of sleep, some daytime strategies to improve your sleep, mechanisms that burn body fat, what drives our food intake, the metabolic impacts of little sleep, why exercise may not have the effect on weight we thought it did and the interesting role of cold and heat exposure on our weight.

The rest of the day was a haze of sorts, between being there for Wade, dealing with the kids all day, then my dad complaining almost the entire day... oh and my brother informing me that he and his wife are planning to come here for a visit in two weeks, yeay!

Tomorrow is going to be another day of high's and low's... we take the girls to see Toy Story 4 in the morning and then go to the wake in the evening... boy, oh, boy.

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No triggers at the pool today.

#Motivational
Stop Wasting Energy On These 3 Undeniable Energy Wasters


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Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 |
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DAY 516: 6/29/2019

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Current Book by Dr. Shefali Tsabary:
  "Out of Control: Why Disciplining Your Child Doesn't Work... & What Will"
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

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Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings /
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Recovery.
3) Wade.
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Last night, we sat out on our balcony and continued talking about the events of the last few days, it's been rough, but all in all, we know that we have each other and when push comes to shove, we can weather any storm together, no matter what mood either of us is in.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Get Unstuck”, in this episode, we learn how to get unstuck from Iyanla Vanzant, Tony Robbins, and Robin Sharma. Remember, you can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last.

This morning, we went to see Toy Story 4 and it was a cute movie, just like the rest of the series. It was nice having this little [mindless] family outing, the last few days have been an emotional whirlwind, for both Wade and myself, but especially Wade. Tonight we are going to his coworker's wake and I have a feeling that it is going to take a heavy emotional toll, he'll be hit like a wrecking ball, but I am going with him and I will be sure to be there for him, and pull him through it as best as I possibly can. I can not take the pain away, but I can try and ease the blow.

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Glad to be there for Wade.

#Motivational
How To Get UNSTUCK!


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Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 |
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Thank you @Lostneverland, unfortunately, no, as far as we know - there were no signs, no notes, nothing, nobody saw this coming... as so often happens when such things occur.

Wade has been distraught and wondering, if only he had one person he was able to be truly vulnerable with, this would not have happened, I tend to agree.

 

I am very sorry for your loss as well.

Thank you again.