I might have gone too far and don't know what to think of myself.

I’ve had moments like that. Where it feels like you controlled by a totally different person in that moment and fap to something you would never picture yourself fapping to. It’s a humbling experience to say the least and it’s one of the dangers in P that’s not talked about enough. They try to make people look as young as possible and there’s never a great way to confirm somebody’s age. It makes you aware of the bad that you’re capable of and also the importance of nofap. But don’t let it make you feel like a terrible person. If you go down that road it’s hard to comeback. You have to feel like you can do some good in the world in order to complete nofap.

You’ll get there man. You just got to keep pushing.

 

Can strongly relate. you need to find a different approach. you cannot keep repeating the same method and expecting it to work.

People relapse to porn because there is nothing in their life that they would rather do. Men in particular need a purpose. That is why I believe that germans and Russians in Stalingrad, or the French at Verdun, or any man of any army, would be more fulfilled than a porn addict who lives a relatively easy lifestyle. That's right, men who, every second of their existence, are worried about dying and live in appalling conditions with no food or sanitation, probably have better mental health than porn addicts.

For me specifically, I had a year out of university to work full time. coming back as a student was devastating for me. I had got through my previous 2 years by socialising and playing video games, but now, most of my mates had left uni and video games didn't hold the same appeal for some reason. the result was basically nihilism and stress which fuelled my PMO addiction.

But in September I start a new chapter. I managed to do well in uni and get myself a great job, and I am sure starting that will really give me purpose, along with gym and whatever other hobby I will start. However, this past year has been hell. free time and lack of purpose breeds PMO addiction. it is a mental prison. change your life man.

 

Do a simple test, lets call it "willpower test", it consists of three 3 things you have to do for 10days straight - wake up at 6am in the morning, take short cold shower after you wake up and do 100 pushups throughout the day.
If you can go for 10 days and actually do all those 3 things daily, you are likely to be successful at using your willpower to deal with porn addiction, if not you will discover how much willpower you actually have and how scarce it actually is.
If one can not wake up early, take cold shower and push up 100 times for 10 days, there is no way you can drop an addiction on your own. But we all have an illusion that we can do anything if only we decided to.

Willpower and self-controll is a skill and it has to be developed and constantly exercised. The younger you are less self control you will typically have, as we get older we have to exercise willpower and self control allot more often and that is why adults are allot less likely to become addicts, compared to teenagers. To clarify adults start at 30

 

Hey man, I know it's depressing. But take it easy. Dont let your defeat break you. It's ok. You just need to learn and continue. You will get better man, little by little. One day at a time. Keep us posted