in a rut. Please help

Can you describe what you mean by “feal like death”? Is it your urges that come back strong? Or is it some type of guilt?

 

You are so lucky to have found a relationship as a healthy way to act on sexual urges, some people don't. I feel like the negative PMO feelings will always be there because it's a part of your life/story. But you've stepped up to take control of it when so many people haven't which is so much more important than any truck our house. Guilt will always be there from past PMO but every day you stand up to it you're a better person than anyone who hasn't. It's not about being better than anyone but in comparison to others you are doing tremendous. Apparently this is what that feels like! So accept it and own it. Life is hard and full of adversity. This is your adversity. Thanks for sharing.

 

I can only speculate that it might be a low because some of what you got from PMO (novely for example) is still missing after amazing meaningful sex.

I get a little depressed that the reality of my sex life is no where near what I would like it to be.....and where I would like it to be is partly driven by my past PMO. But, I am committed to working on improving the real sex and making that better. I am who I am, and I am not a porn star.

 

I think there's a difference between appreciating good looking people and sexualizing them, and we of all people know that difference more than anyone. PMO turns us into people who sexualize others while being a human makes it normal just to respect someone who we find attractive. Also, who's not to say you wouldn't be having those thoughts if you never PMO'd to begin with? We don't know the answer to that because PMO is part of our past. But maybe you are totally healed and just don't know it (and never really will know it) because of past PMO. The point is that maybe PMO isn't to blame for noticing good looking women, maybe it's just normal. We'll never know for sure because of past decisions to put PMO on a pedestal.

 

I feel that. That's something I struggle with as well. Having set such a high bar for sex and never really scratching that itch completely. Definitely a daily work in progress. But life is limited in what it gives us, PMO is unlimited. We've decided PMO isn't healthy so this is what we have now. Real life, full human, normal sex. We just have to accept that and move on. It'll never scratch the itch like PMO but at the same time PMO doesn't scratch the itch completely either. It's like when the genie is let out of the lamp and doesn't want to go back in. We've seen the other side, we abused the other side, and now we have to live with those decisions. But at least you are out when so many others are not. Today's a new day to be happy to be away from PMO. Congrats on your streak, you are KILLING it! This is what making the right decision feels like.