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Every. Single. Person. Can. Change.

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by ReclaimedLife, Feb 1, 2019.

  1. Ra's Al Ghul

    Ra's Al Ghul Fapstronaut

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    Everybody can change!
     
    maradona10 likes this.
  2. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    Rocky speeches are the greatest.

     
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  3. tinyDynamite

    tinyDynamite New Fapstronaut

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    That's how i wanna see my life going.
     
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  4. CH3RRY

    CH3RRY Fapstronaut
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    What a man you are, and what an amazing story. Very inspiring and heartwarming.
     
  5. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    Everyone can have this. Even though i wouldn't recommend it at all. Trust me, you dont want to live your twenties living with so many unnessecary fears, more or less no contact with girls and having next to no confidence in your work.

    But the point here is that no matter whether someone is 18 or younger, 30, 40, 50 or even older...
    Every single person CAN change. It just takes a shitload of effort and the will to go through unimaginable mental pain for it.
    Jumping down with a rope attached to your legs when you have a strong fear of heights is no kindergarden game.
    The same applies to venturing into peoples gardens, trying to sell something when you have a strong fear of dogs.

    But those scenarios are absolutely necessary in order to prove your brain wrong it its current assumptions about what you are capable of.
    There is literally almost no limit of what we can achieve if we put our mind to it, especially when you are fighting for your own happiness.
    And again. i am consciously using the word "fighting" here. Because that's what i am doing.

    The world will try to pull you down if you let it, it has no mercy on the weak, neither in friendship, nor in relationships with your preferred sex nor at work. All of them will crush you, take advantage and use you.
    It really is up to us to not let this happen. NoFap is only a fraction of what needs to be done to become successful.

    Three integral books i would recommend you to read are

    Robert Greene - Mastery
    The Power of Now - Eckart Tolle
    The Rational Male - Rollo Tomassi

    Greene tought me that in order to become really good at something, i need to allow myself to fail. If you always do something the same way before you actually mastered it, you cannot grow.
    Growth only occurs through learning from failure.
    Whether i did something wrong at work or made a mistake when trying to talk to a girl, in the attempt to seduce her.
    I rarely become upset but see what i did wrong, and try to correct that mistake for the next time.

    Tolle taught me to let thoughts that don't affect the present pass and not actively deal with it. I was going to be upset with my boss without even talking to him first. Those thoughts of anger are fkn pointless and just drag us down for no reason, so i forbid myself to further think about it before speaking to him. It doesn't matter whether the problem gets solved in the talk, but it matters to tell your brain not to think about scenarios you dont have any control over and are not happening in the present.

    Rollo Tomassi gives you every insight on why women think and behave the way they do.
    It really is the fundamental knowledge every singe guy should have in the back of their head when he is dealing with a female, whether its a wife, girlfriend, regular friend, boss, mother, sister, whatever.
    If you didn't aquire this kind of knowlegde on your own while dealing with women, it will most likely come back to haunt you, big time.


    So go out and live your life, and overcome all the personal challenges you have.

    It is very well worth it.
    Maybe not in the present when you are struggling, but life wiil pay you back for your efforts.
    Because you have done the hard work for it.
    Make a depression your point of anchor not the elevator down to hell.
    If you manage to push through the bad times and come out stronger and more defined as a person and who you are, what people you really want in your life and knowing what makes you happy, the next bad time, will be much less of an issue.

    Because you know you will push through it again.

    All the best.
     
    maradona10 and a.b.c_starboy like this.
  6. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    Another quick update,

    i switched from "No Porn" to "No-PMO".
    And i am currently on day 31 of "No-PMO".

    By now, i can very well say that going full NO-PMO is a noticeable step-up from the regular "No-Porn", because you don't allow yourself to feel any pleasure whatsover on your own, not even if your desires are horribly strong.
    And for beating that, you better have a strong will present. I don't know if i could have come this far in hard mode wihout espablishing the strong willpower i have now.

    If anyone is starting out new and keep relapsing and failing over and over, my approach of banning porn first and not being too harsh on yourself with masturbation without any visual stimuli might net you more results than going hard mode and not being able to keep up with the pressure.

    You have to find your own pace in this, since it is so freakn difficult to accomplish.
     
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  7. HegHeu

    HegHeu Fapstronaut

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    Great mate most wont see back on others still struggling and walking the path but you took time and effort to help us thanks a lot for that.
     
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  8. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    I want all of us to have the life we deserve. It's just pretty hard to get there. But there is no reason why anyone has to walk this path alone.

    I got a lot of help from the people around me and i want to give back.
    If i helped just 1 man out there to better his life, i have reached my goal.
     
    a.b.c_starboy, Indurian and HegHeu like this.
  9. I'd like to believe that something is going to change. But everything seems so depressing right now. I've only been able to have at least 7 day streaks. I am 27 years old having the same story as you working a full time job playing video games and on the pc of course. My struggles with relationships are endless and I can't make a connection at work unlike my other co workers who seem to make so fucking easy..sorry for language. But I'm a guy that's just tired of not getting anywhere. Of course I can make small talk and be a work friend, but I haven't ever been able to continue into something more. My co worker is married and tells me crap all the time about having sex with other woman. I honestly can't wait till he leaves. I think if I ever met his wife it would be extremely awkward. Not to mention I got rejected back in October of 2018 from a girl at work who made a lame excuse.

    I know how you feel about being heavily bullied. I've also been in the past which is probably a reason you have been making me realize to why I was socially awkward in high school. I wasn't diagnosed with depression or social anxiety shortly after the first semester in collage when I dropped out. Back when I was 21...

    Life seems to be flat lining right now. I'm trying online dating, but I'm unfortunately not meeting anybody then again having small talks online. I'm really wondering if its even worth it to quit masturbation.
     
  10. !!!10years!!!?!

    !!!10years!!!?! Fapstronaut

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    two stories, thank you both, it is a kind of eye opening, you are the witness that everything is possible!!!
     
  11. Thanks for the post. Reading success stories has been really helpful for me. I am 21 and have been watching Porn for about 10 years and trying to fight it for the past 4. Just now trying to get involved in the NoFap community. I added your book recommendations to my reading list. Thanks!
     
    maradona10 likes this.
  12. hackinet

    hackinet New Fapstronaut

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    Your problems sound exactly like the problems I am facing right now. Also, thank you for your post.
     
  13. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    Ok, firstly you must understand that what i am doing is fighting a fucking war here. There is no other way to describe it. It takes a BIG mental and some physical toll as well to push through this awful time.
    And i can totally understand when you say "Why fucking bother? It's not worth it anyway!", because the suffering seemingly isn't justified. And here comes the difference into play from what i experienced with the girl i was able to be with, at the age of fucking 31 and only for a bit less than a month.
    Everything leading up to the relationship was build on becoming better with women.
    But i learned very harshly, that the world will not tolerate weakness. The world doesn't care about our insecurities, our pain and fears. Nobody gives a flying fck about it but ourselves. The only ones who might care a little bit are friends and family. Women can smell that shit from a mile away. You show 1 sign of weakness and that might be it for you for some women, they just lose their respect that you build up so vigerously.

    The good news is that it IS totally worth it. Being with this girl for around 25 days changed everything in my Life, even though the trade-off, on paper is horrible.
    I am still thinking about her all the time, almost every day and i am happy and thankful i tought her to block people who she deosnt want in her life anymore, and she ended up blocking me on social media, so i (thankfully) dont have any chance of contacting her anymore.

    The only reason why i was even able to be with her is because i made it my life's mission to essentially burn my old personality, dig up the remains and toss them into the fkn marianas trench.
    If you are afraid to talk to girls, my recommendation would be NOT to talk to girls, but just to go out and socialize. Find something that is fun to do for you that forces you to leave the house. I have my dancing, toastmasters, yoga, Sauna and gym at the moment, which are all regular activties every week, except for the toastmasters and the Sauna only being every 2 weeks. But the point is that i purposefully expose myself to the shit that makes me uncomfortable, to this day.

    Australia just jump-started the path, i am continuing my journey back in my home-country. A lot people i talk to got upset when they left Australia to go back, because they though life will go back to they way it used to be. But that is just bullshit. We create our own destiny. And we have control over the most things that happen to us.

    I would ask you to write down every singe thing in life that makes you uncomfortable, why, and what activity would be the worst to do in order to face it.
    I'll give you an example for me:

    Fear of getting made fun of my smaller dick from guys or girls, not comfortable being nakes around others> not satisfied with my dick> going to the Sauna where it is mandatory to walk around naked, with men and women of all ages walking around. Difficulty Level for me: Very High

    Fear of not finding a girl i enjoy being with> learning about women in books and conversations with friends and family, youtube, learning how to dance with a girl, and risk loosing someone of extreme high value to be able to love at least once> Difficulty Level for me (now): Medium to Hard.

    Fear of Heights> Skydiving, Bungee Jumping > Difficulty Level: Bungee Jumping: Highest Level of difficulty
    Skydiving: Medium to High Level of difficulty

    You gotta make your own list and work on yourself first, and only after you have done that, start to live a life that includes and is inviting for the right women.
    I see the attention i am getting now. I probably could have had sex by now, just for the sake of having it. But as most people can tell you, that is not what it's about. It's about the connection to the person, and my heart is surrounded by some layers of ice, which i am trying to get rid of, layer by layer.

    And in regards to your co-worker... Don't listen to this schmuck. It sounds like all he does is draining your energy. Even if it is hard, i would tell him that you are going through a rough time with women right now and you don't want to listen to his stories, since all it does is making you upset/uncomfortable.
    Surround yourself with people who have a positive energy for your life, and if there are none in your private life, use the internet in all its glory.

    Jim Rohn, Will Smith, Les Brown, Tyrese Gibson, Tony Robbins... There are a shitload of guys out there who are happy to share re-inforcing high levels of energy and motivation for free on youtube, all you have to do is finding one that suits you.

    I gotta go to bed, since i am really tired now : )

    I wish you a wonderful weekend. Keep fighting. It absolutely is worth it, even if it doesn't seem like it. The one advice at the end... Should you EVER get with a women, you might painfully regret not having done everything in your power in trying to quit porn.
     
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  14. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    Day 42 of hard mode.

    Still going strong so far! I have some days with extreme desire for intimacy, not so much the regular sex, but those occur as well. Some Days are really depressing and i mark them on my Streak-log, with an "D" for depression and i also have a "O" when i have a wet dream at night. So far, the wet dreams come regularly between 7-10 days after the last one, and i actually really wellcome that.
    Should i be with a women, according to Mantak Chia, i am supposed to wait for a week to recharge anyway. And i also like to O with E with a women. Just feels good and right and i don't really experience the energy drop that so many people here are talking about afterwards.

    Keep fighting my Brothers
     
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  15. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    Day 60 of No-Pmo.

    Yeah, the want for porn will subside, the want for sex and intimacy will never. You all have to come to peace with your natural desires.
    That's what they are. Natural.
    I personally still have a hard time going to sleep when i didn't have intimacy for a long time and use youtube videos to calm my mind if i cant fall asleep at all, getting sleep is more important then not watching YT and thus not falling asleep due to the permanent negative thought-spiral.

    No-Pmo in itself pretty much became a breeze by now, and on the dance festival i was visiting 3 days ago, dancing very close to the girls is already waking up my little friend. So there is no reason to worry at all when it comes to that. Nature knows what to do. Just give it some time to heal.
     
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  16. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    I like your outlook man.

    Yes the desire for intimacy is so natural, at first it's confusing and we may not know whether focusing on it or ignoring it is best. But accepting it and welcoming it only with real women is a peaceful and exciting change!

    Dancing is the real deal. Going to lessons as a single guy with not a big network of friends helps me get comfortable around women again...

    Keep going, time and back-to-basic natural interactions will heal us all.
     
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  17. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    Thank you mate. My initial post makes it seem like everything is a breeze now, which certainly isn't the case.

    i am not so stupid to think i can get rid of almost 30 years of loneliness as well as video games and porn within one or two years.
    But going step by step and connecting with people really makes a big difference in changing our lives.
    I only really need to figure out the money issue and put more focus on that, everything else is already fine or will follow after that.

    Stay strong my friend and lets make our lives awesome :)
     
    Reborn16 likes this.
  18. Thanks for sharing your story with us! I was on the brink of relapsing earlier today and now that I read your post, I am so much more determined to stay clean and improve myself every single day. I will not allow myself to give in to the temptations of the devil. I know it's never worth it. Ever.

    Best of luck to you, comrade! Keep up the good work and don't look back!
     
  19. Faraz555

    Faraz555 Fapstronaut

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    LIFE GIVES YOU WHAT YOU DESERVE AND WORK FOR! Not what you THINK you deserve...
    It was really moving
    Thank u sooooooooo sooooooo soooooooo much
     
    ReclaimedLife likes this.
  20. Thats awesome man. I am 24 year old, losing hope because i destroy myself very badly but after this i am motivated.
    Thanks to share, I wish when i will be 29 i feel happy.
     
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