How can you go from loving PMO to not caring about PMO to loving PMO to not caring about PMO.

It's fucked hey! The wall of urge is terrible, I've experienced it in longer periods of abstinence before... Not sure how it works to be honest but I guess the same happened for me with alcohol, meth and cannabis respectively over the years. You think you've got it dialled and then suddenly you're on the way to the bottle shop and/or dealer.

Perhaps it has to do with downregulation of receptors, like once your brain kills off a number of extra synaptic connections it panics because there's a noticeable difference in its' chemistry, so it sends out some 'binge binge emergency binge' messages in the hopes of reaching homeostasis again.
I'm sure this post will make it clear that I'm not a neuroscientist, but hopefully that makes sense

 

I wrote allot on this.
You may not even realize this but when you get this urge you are not really seeking an orgasm, that is what most normal healthy humans would want. It works like this, typical movie scene- "I feel super horny, I go grab a magazine and pop it". Ten minutes later - done, lets continue with what I was doing. Both porn and masturbation were used but it was more of a "I have a need to satisfy, so I go and satisfy it"

What you most likely do is - I feel horny and i feel good and I want to watch porn so I can continue to feel pleasure for as long as I can. You get the same urge as normal human being but you have no intention on satisfying that urge, you see it as an opportunity to feel pleasure and you will try to feel it for as long as possible. You abuse your sexual repose for feel good.

There is a massive different between the two. Your addiction is to pleasure not to masturbation or porn, you want to feel a high when you feel horny.

 

I am very familiar with that pattern. I've been in it for almost 6 years. I've written about this in a recent post https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...need-to-watch-porn-in-a-different-way.235748/ I can see that many people don't agree with me but then again, all i can do is let people know.

As long as you see porn/masturbation as an acceptable and arousing behavior you'll be pushing a barrel uphill. The end-goal is to not be aroused by porn and masturbation. More so, you need to let go of the thought that "long streak= recovery". Long streak means nothing by itself as long as you get aroused by porn and binge.

There's this obsession and focus that i was i was very familiar with... "best streak"... as if having a long streak proved to me i was not addicted. But then i went on and binged like crazy. To be honest, i used the "streaks" as an excuse to binge.

The truth is a metric that is relevant is a combination of streak x time_spent_masturbating x times_fapped. Like i said in that topic, a person that does 90 days then 1 week relapse with 2-3x faps per day and fapping for 2-3 hours can be in an even worse state than someone that had 20 days streaks, masturbated quickly once and then went on to have another 20 day streak. A person that has a 30 day streak and then masturbates once for 3 hours is likely to be in a worse state than a person that had 7 days streak and masturbated once for 5 minutes.

 

^ I was one of the people that was like 'yeaaah naaaah' to your 'watch porn in a different way' topic, but I can see more clearly your point now, and I do agree with that.

In the world of amphetamine there's the concept of the 'weekend warrior' - someone who might stay up friday and saturday night but spends the week saving kittens and helping little old ladies cross the street. They often end up just as physiologically addicted as someone like me who would dab away 3-4 nights a week. It's strange the way it works, but yeah. I always thought those people who could keep it to the weekends then party HARD had an edge or were less addicted, but in reality... A lot of those people went on to have SERIOUS health problems and really messed their lives up.

 

Genesis 4:7

sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.

 

That example with the weeken warrior is very good. Those people are as addicted but problably even more addicted than others. Just because they can pause a behavior doesnt mean that much, they are addicted to doing the behavior on weekends. They can't stop doing it on weekends.

Binging is a very strong indicator of addiction as it is a failure of impulse control. What evey addict needs is impulse control training which utterly lacks in the current paradigm of addiction work (abstinence only). And thats why it has such poor results.