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I dislike the feeling

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Steveju, Jun 12, 2019.

  1. Jun 12, 2019 #1
    Steveju

    Steveju Fapstronaut

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    Hey all. I’m very happily married and expecting my first child. I truly love my wife and want nothing more. I’ve done well in phasing this behavior out of my life. I’ve had ups and downs but I’m proud of how far I have come. I feel helpless and overwhelmed by physical withdrawal and urges to return sometimes. I truly hate the feeling and hated any time I’ve relapsed into watching or even just master-bating without watching anything. I’m having a hard week with withdrawals but really trying. I feel like a terrible and selfish person. I don’t ever want to hurt my wife in any way. It hurts me a great deal too. I just want it to go away forever. I feel like it won’t let me express how deeply I love and care for my wife and myself. I don’t want her to think I ever want anyone else. I don’t understand how I can feel like I’ve hit the lottery in real life but the urges persist. I really really hate it.

    If anyone has had any success in dealing with withdrawal I’d love to hear how. Or any thoughts in general are always welcome. Thanks all!!
     
    Steveju, Jun 12, 2019
    Steveju, Jun 12, 2019
    #1
  2. Jun 12, 2019 #2
    Deleted Account

    Deleted Account Guest

    Have you tried using blocks on your phone/computer? Sometimes it’s just that whole “out of sight, out of mind”
     
    Deleted Account, Jun 12, 2019
    Deleted Account, Jun 12, 2019
    #2
    Steveju likes this.
  3. Jun 12, 2019 #3
    Steveju

    Steveju Fapstronaut

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    I have and after good behavior took them off..... perhaps I do need to resume. I haven’t been out of control like before but I don’t want to even tempt getting into it again. It makes me nauseous to even think of it
     
    Steveju, Jun 12, 2019
    Steveju, Jun 12, 2019
    #3
    Butterfly1988 likes this.
  4. Jun 12, 2019 #4
    Deleted Account

    Deleted Account Guest

    I think putting them back on is a good idea. Taking them off after good behavior makes no sense to me—you still don’t want to access/watch P so there’s no problem with not having it available ever.
     
    Deleted Account, Jun 12, 2019
    Deleted Account, Jun 12, 2019
    #4
    FX-05 likes this.
  5. Jun 12, 2019 #5
    Steveju

    Steveju Fapstronaut

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    I agree. Thank you!
     
    Steveju, Jun 12, 2019
    Steveju, Jun 12, 2019
    #5
    Deleted Account and Butterfly1988 like this.
  6. Jun 12, 2019 #6
    Deleted Account

    Deleted Account Guest

    The withdrawals get easier from my understanding but I'm sure @Mourde can give you some tips he's found helpful on his journey so far :)
     
    Deleted Account, Jun 12, 2019
    Deleted Account, Jun 12, 2019
    #6
    Steveju and Mourde like this.
  7. Jun 12, 2019 #7
    Mourde

    Mourde Fapstronaut

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    Meditation helps it dont have to be long, short ones are very good and keeping yourself busy. Letting your mind wonder is very bad cause those urges seem to take over then! Exercising is also great and taking a nice walk and enjoying the scenery is a great way too! Boredom is the urges best friend so keeping busy and finding a hobby is good too from what I hear. Good luck and stay positive!
     
    Mourde, Jun 12, 2019
    Mourde, Jun 12, 2019
    #7
    Steveju and Butterfly1988 like this.
  8. Jun 12, 2019 #8
    Steveju

    Steveju Fapstronaut

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    Excellent points! Thank you :)
     
    Steveju, Jun 12, 2019
    Steveju, Jun 12, 2019
    #8
  9. Jun 12, 2019 #9
    hope4healing

    hope4healing NoFap Moderator
    Staff Member

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    My Journal
    The part of you that is the real 'you' is the part that sees and appreciates how lucky you are to have your amazing life. The other part, the addict, does not care at all about having a fantastic wife or anything else. All the addict cares about is getting that dopamine hit. The longer you starve the addiction, the more desperate it gets so the harder it tries to get you to fall back. But, while this is happening, it's becoming weaker and weaker. Hang in there and know that, right now, 'you' are in control, not the addict. I know the urges are tough sometimes, but they will get easier the longer you stay committed to recovery. @Mourde has some good advice, and so does @SOofanaddict. Maybe read through their journals at times when you're struggling.

    Keep going. You can do this.
     
    hope4healing, Jun 12, 2019
    hope4healing, Jun 12, 2019
    #9
    Susannah, Butterfly1988, Deleted Account and 3 others like this.
  10. Jun 12, 2019 #10
    Steveju

    Steveju Fapstronaut

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    Very well put. That is exactly how it feels. Thank you for the input.
     
    Steveju, Jun 12, 2019
    Steveju, Jun 12, 2019
    #10
    hope4healing likes this.

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