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I will get over this once and for all

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by I can overcome, Nov 21, 2018.

  1. I can overcome

    I can overcome Fapstronaut

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    I love what I'm becoming. I have no desire to go back to the pitiful man I was before. My head is clear, I have feelings I can talk about. I listen to my wife, I am.changing, it's a great feeling. I needed that kick in the butt, it made me realize what I was putting aside for thoughts. Makes no sense, but I'm on track, use my urges on the right person, and to boot, I'm starting to like myself more and more every day.
    If you are struggling with what I've gone through, my first recommendation is watch dr weiss videos, he explains clearly what you did, how to listen and gives hope for both persons to grasp.
    Watch lots of you tube videos on focusing, no more procastinations, meditate, learn a skill I'm doing guitar but could be anything that interests you. And dont stop, erase any triggers from your life as possible. And get accountable. I'm using covenant eyes. And last but one of the most important, find a councillor that fits you. They dont all do, I tried a few.
    It helps understanding you from the core out.
    Stay strong
     
  2. I can overcome

    I can overcome Fapstronaut

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    It's been too long since my last post.
    Quick recap of crazy week.
    Insanely busy week at work, got cranky but survived my week. I'm glad holidays are over, they are stressful times. I've been so tired which is good cause i didnt have time to have any stray thoughts.
    This year is my year, the year I do the right thing, stay clean, get close to my wife, work on our marriage, make good decisions and not lie. Oh and work on my health, I've been neglecting it for years. Like everything that is important.
    Good luck to everyone struggling and stay strong
     
    Alaiza and Deleted Account like this.
  3. I can overcome

    I can overcome Fapstronaut

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    I've been on a pretty good streak. It's been 48 days. No p. No m. Just free. I love life. I'm still exhausted from the holidays, been really hectic at work. But I love looking at my wife. I see her. I really see her. I still have work to do. But I feel present. I'm not in my head. I'm not trying to be in the future. Here is where I am. And where I want to be.
    Proud to have finally see the path and work on it.
    Stay strong
     
  4. I can overcome

    I can overcome Fapstronaut

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    I'm on day 52. Feels freaking amazing. Still no urges to fall back to old habits. I have to step up and do more work. I've gotten complacent but not gonna continue that. I'm a big dr weiss fan. Watched his video and makes a lot of sense. Started reading one of his books and it is very interesting. Have to order more stuff and really kick this to the curb where it belongs.
     
  5. I can overcome

    I can overcome Fapstronaut

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    Still feeling good. Still on track. Reading dr weiss book clean. Has some good work to help stay clean. A little on the religious side but it's ok. Any tips to keep me clean is good for me. Instead of lusting after women he says that think of other women as your sister. I think that can work for me. Nothing outside of my marriage is a good one too. Something that has bothered me for a long time is that I shy away from confrontations. I feel ill just thinking that I have to confront someone . Drive my wife crazy that I dont stand up. Im a coward in so many ways. Any helpful tips would be greatly appreciated.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  6. it's been a rough rollercoaster of a couple months for me, and i've not been around much, but i was specifically hoping to find that you were still around and providing updates because i find your honesty and interest in self-improvement particularly inspiring. i am glad to see that your journey gained positive momentum! congratulations on the decision to brave the endeavor and good luck as you continue on the road to a closer relationship with your wife and yourself. :)

    this is something i am familiar with from my PA/partner. it seems to source a lot of the inner conflict that leads to lying and other really undesireable choices on his part. i have a hard time doing anything but speaking my truth when i do share, so it was quite a long time before i could see that this was happening with him. he is not particularly articulate when it comes to identifying and explaining his obstacles within a relationship or interaction. it's kind of weird because he's rather intelligent, but it's like he has brain fog when it comes to self-analyzing and knowing where the center of himself actually is, amidst the passing scenery of emotions and thoughts. it's improving slowly, but still the shying from confrontation seems a repeat complication for honesty.

    by now, i assume that your sense of self and the confidence in that person has developed a more secure foundation than it was sitting on in november, before your decision to really face reality arrived. whatever confidence you had before may have been flimsy or based entirely on self-deception. you seemed very humbled when you made your first post. it came to you naturally to be humble, which i personally view as a strength especially in american society, where it's like the loudest ego wins. regardless, even obnoxious egotistical fools sometimes avoid conflict in pussy-footing ways.

    i think they key is to balance and center. always. when conflict or the feeling of rising conflict comes into your awareness, you are completely in control of how it will play out starting right then and there. you've become aware of it, that's the first step and it's important not to push it out of your mind nor to obsess over it, but once acknowledged, to quarantine the moment of time while you center yourself within. good that you have been familiarizing yourself with meditation cause it makes this step a swift process. i have not acually consciously done much to develop a particular meditative approach, but i should look into what ever is out there about it. for me, i just try to achieve the state of mind i know well from extended times spent alone with animals and plants. it really is a state of natural one-ness with your own pivotal experiencing of life as it unfolds in the moment. for some folks, this could be a fond childhood place and time. it's unique to you what that state is reached by. once you are here, it's easier to see the conflict as something that is happening rather than something that could potentially engulf you or the whole world, to be avoided at all costs. it's like a burp in the reality snow cone of space-time. it will yawn open for a short time and then it will release its energy back into the universe as quickly as you let it. knowing this, i sometimes am a bit hasty with pointing out or identifying tension or conflict because i am eager to get the bubble popped and resolve the conflict before it becomes daunting for all individuals.

    i dunno, i forgot where i was going with this. it's time for my bed!
     
  7. I can overcome

    I can overcome Fapstronaut

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    Thanks Kaia.
    I am still here. Will be here for a long time.this addiction is difficult for both sides of the relationship. It is completely overwhelming for both as well. One side is completely turned to the inside and doesn't want to admit that they are, while the other one is knocking on the door to be let in from torrential showers. I hate this addiction and wished I never saw porn in my life. Unfortunately we can't wish stuff away. We have to open the door to our amazing partners that are trying to help us. I am guilty of that. I hate talking about it. I hate how it makes me feel. How it makes her feel. Keeping on track is a daily thing. I read clean from dr Weiss and one thing that stuck for me is nothing out of marriage. No lingering looks, no m, no thoughts of other women, this is helping me in my recovery. It might be a small piece in my foundation, but it's a strong piece that can support my weight. Hope things go well for you.
    Stay strong
     
  8. I can overcome

    I can overcome Fapstronaut

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    Well vacation is coming quickly. It is happening next week and it is going to be epic. 2 weeks in cuba. With my wife and a couple of friends. It's been a long time coming. With going to counseling and reading, I know I now have the power to be sober while down there. I know I won't stay, I have the tools necessary to help me. I will not let my guard down, I will not pretend or fake anything. I know I have a problem. But my motto from dr Weiss is still clear and focus. "Nothing outside of my marriage" it makes everything else fade away in greyness. It is not important. It is not focus.
    I know I have still a long journey and a lot of things to fix. I'm not a complete idiot all the time. But knowing in my heart that I am on this path on my own power. I'm not doing this relunctunly. Never give up. Stay strong and life will be amazing.
    Cheers everyone. Stay strong
     
  9. Hey buddy. I found out your posts and found it very interesting (although i didn't ready them all). You have been writing here a lot. This week I had this ideia of starting writing, even if it is just for myself, like a diary or something...I've been trying to do something different, new stuff your know. I think it will help me to get over PMO. Do you do this frequently, is it helping you? Thanks in advance and congrats for your everyday achievements.
     
  10. I can overcome

    I can overcome Fapstronaut

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    I think it ie helping me. I haven't written every day. But I find it kinda therapeutic. I write what I'm feeling. Highs or lows. It's good and it can help figure out your triggers, urges, what is motivating or what is hurtful. Also people on this site are amazing. They lift you up when you think there is no way I can get back up. My suggestion with writing on here is see a councilor. Pick one that works for you. That makes you comfortable enough that you can open yourself to them. Read read read. Watch YouTube on how to help yourself. Motivating stuff.
    Dr doug Weiss has great stuff that has helped me the most. Read post on success stories. On self help. Stay strong. Urges will last and the suffering doesn't last long. Good luck and anytime you need to chat send me words and I'll reply.
    Proud to be here. Got great help and I will help anyone I can. Stay strong
     
  11. I can overcome

    I can overcome Fapstronaut

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    Well vacation is over. What a good time. Cuba was fantastic. Couldn't be happier. I had a few worries before the trip. The main one was will I be able to stay focused and on track with hundreds of women in bikinis... and the answer is yes... totally. I'll admit I did look occasionally but the old feelings of lust was not present. I know deep down that this journey is on the right side of the tracks. Itll never be over but at least I'm driving the train with my head and not my thoughts anymore. I have a blessed life. I am staying strong.
     
  12. I can overcome

    I can overcome Fapstronaut

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    It's been a while since I posted my thoughts. Well nothing has changed, I'm still clean. Working hard. Loving my wife my work my life. Things are going good. And I'm saying it again. Treating other women like your sister or mother is working for me. I'm not lusting or fantasizing. I'm not kidding myself either I still have to work. I still have to be present. I am not an idiot like I have been in the past. Keep my guard up. Stay clean. And most important. Don't put yourself in harm's way, if its porn, naked woman, or whatever. Stay away at all cost. It is not worth it. Life with your wife is way more fun, real, than whatever you can imagine. Stay strong
     
    Alaiza likes this.
  13. I can overcome

    I can overcome Fapstronaut

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    Well my world is crumbling faster than the speed of light lately. My therapist is under investigation... and my marriage came crashing down last night. My damn fault for not working hard enough.
     
  14. I can overcome

    I can overcome Fapstronaut

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    What a crazy few weeks it has been. I swear that the whole world has gone crazy lately. Work is nuts. People who you think are stable and good turn out to be flicking the bird to my wife and walking out. To people telling us we aren't that good to work for after we bent over backwards for them in there time of need and loaned them money when they needed it. Life is messed up
     
  15. I can overcome

    I can overcome Fapstronaut

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    Ibe been struggling with me being more assertive and a good leader to our team for a long time. I am ashamed that I cant seem to step up when I should be able to. I've done this job for so long it should be natural by now. I feel overwhelmed but look at my wife who's got twice it three times the burden of work that I do and she holds it together, rarely misses a beat. She said that i dont care, which is not true. I care, a lot. I think my focus is at the wrong place, i am defensive, i know that and i also know i have to stop being defensive. I've been trying for a long time. I need advice on how to stop being a defensive jerk. I need help facing things face to face. I'm not afraid to tell people what to do or how things are, but for some strange reason i shy away from it. Don want to rock the boat. Trying to keep the waves to a minimum but all I'm doing is making it worse. By not saying things things escalate and every little things is magnified. I need to be assertive, to be a man and to grow a set once and for all.
    As for pmo I'm still on the track. I have no desire to get off the track. I know I feel better, I like myself for staying the course. My task is to be a better man. For work and for home. If anyone has advice i will gladly take it.
    Thank you for the support.
     
  16. Your wife left you because she caught you jerking off? What is she? A fucking queen? I don't think she's worth it. If she really loved you, she would be helping you beat this addiction. Masturbation is a normal (normal but not healthy!!) habit adopted by most men at a very young age. It is almost inevitable and highly addictive. It isn't easily avoided and it is extremely hard to quit, especially today due to porn being very mainstream and accessible. Does your wife not understand this is a habit most men do?

    You need to explain to her how addictive PMO is and all the effort you're putting in to quit it. Quitting PMO is NOT EASY. It is quite possibly one of the hardest things a man can accomplish. If she still doesn't understand this or chooses to be ignorant, then just leave her. Find someone supportive and worth your time. You can love her all you want, but if she doesn't love you, then you will get NOWHERE.

    Note: This reply is a response to your first post.
     
  17. I can overcome

    I can overcome Fapstronaut

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    Thanks white death. A lot has happened since that first post. We are back together. She is and has been very supportive and worked extremely hard with me to quit pmo. She knows all that is involved. And she does love me. It is I who has to step up. She has went above and beyond humanly possible. She loves me as much as I love her.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  18. I can overcome

    I can overcome Fapstronaut

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    Well I finally have a new councilor. And on my first visit he brought up a memory I had no idea I buried. I've been thinking about it for a few days and its opening up and showing me why I do certain things. Now to figure out how not to do those things ... I guess 1 step at a time. Hope everyone is staying strong
     
  19. Wow @I can overcome ! I have read through all your posts right now and must say it's amazing! Very good work you did, now you can do everything you set your mind to!

    So happy to hear that you are together with your wife again! That really made my heart jump :)
    And I am very thankfull that you shared your process so openly, it is wonderful motivation!

    Good luck to you on your journey!
     
    I can overcome likes this.
  20. Deadlihood

    Deadlihood Fapstronaut

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    Read every post, OP.

    Encouraging progress. Well done.

    Spill the tea, though. What was your therapist under investigation for?

    P.S. — Still clean?
     

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