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Flatlines and sleepless nights- Recovery in LALA Land

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Slayerknightlvl100, Feb 27, 2019.

  1. Slayerknightlvl100

    Slayerknightlvl100 Fapstronaut

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    Day 10.

    This is my first post although it just turned Day 10 for me. I'm a Filmmaker and I live in LA. In this city it seems like everyone is addicted to something. I for one am addicted to weed and pornography.
    I completed my first 90 day journey about 2 years ago before I moved to LA. I had already begun to fall off the horse before I got here. Over time the relapses had gotten worse including an increased usage of marijuana to heighten the masturbatory experience. I had once liked to smoke weed from time to time and now it has become sort of an enabling activity. Before I would relapse, I would mentally give up, smoke a bowl and watch porn.
    Over time I came to realize that this activity was sort of traumatizing and now I fully stopped cold turkey.
    I think the biggest problems right now are the flatlines and the sleepless nights. I read that marijuana, if you begin abstaining from it can lead to sleeplessness and vivid dreams. Presently, I've got the worst sleep schedule right now. I've been taking some sleep aids to fall asleep and I just end up oversleeping.
    Flatlines are shit too. I constantly experience feelings of low energy. I just end up sitting in one spot sometimes just feeling drained. I sometimes feel like crying because I'm not used to feeling so low.
    So far spirits are high. I just started a podcast on Youtube and I've given myself two weeks to finish my screenplay. My art keeps my going. I think the other thing is just believing in myself and telling myself that I beat this before, I can do it again.
    I'll be posting again soon. Just taking one day at a time.
     
    justafriend and Buddhabro like this.
  2. Davidphd1866

    Davidphd1866 Fapstronaut

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    I hear you brother. I am in Los Angeles, too. I know it sounds like an excuse to most people, but I think LA as a culture is particularly difficult for the addictive mind. It's all about instant gratification.

    I am happy to help if I can.
     
  3. BigOne79

    BigOne79 Fapstronaut

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    Keep pushing and go further man. You can do it and it does suck because you do get down because of the withdrawal. We have to find other sources to give us that happiness in life. Your work sounds very interesting and sounds like it will keep you busy while you are gong through reboot. Let us know hoe things are going soon..
     
  4. Slayerknightlvl100

    Slayerknightlvl100 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks guy. Yeah today I'm doing much better. I was able to get some sleep which helped.
     
  5. Slayerknightlvl100

    Slayerknightlvl100 Fapstronaut

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    Hell yeah dude. What kind of work do you do?
     
  6. Phapstar

    Phapstar Fapstronaut

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    I am literally right there with you. Quit the weed, in doing it right now and haven’t ate anything today, p withdrawals also not helping.
     
    Slayerknightlvl55 likes this.
  7. Slayerknightlvl100

    Slayerknightlvl100 Fapstronaut

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    Day 8. Pt. 2. (Four weeks weed free).

    So, as you guys know, I relapsed on Day 18. I'm back on the horse as I've just finished my first week. The one thing I want to celebrate is that it's been four weeks without smoking marijuana! Four days ago, I sold off my entire stash, my grinder and my pipe for $10. My friend was super shocked because I could've gotten $50 for it. But, I didn't care. My biggest priority was getting the stuff out of my house. I'm sleeping a lot better and I'm turning back into my normal self again.
    I think weed (at least for me) triggers some kind of nihilistic approach to life. I slowly stopped believing in anything and everything. My inner self felt corrupted. Not only was I lazier but my discipline was shit too. How do you guys feel about marijuana usage? Did you have the same problems or no?
     
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  8. Buddhabro

    Buddhabro Fapstronaut

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    Over the past 6 months, I’ve had to greatly reduce my marijuana intake because of finances.
    Overall, I would say that I am healthier and more productive if I am free to work, make money, and smoke herb.
    Herb helped me to relax, feel less anxious, be more active, and most importantly sleep better. Also, I’ve found that using an edible thc spray helped reduce my symptoms of IBS.
    For me it has always helped, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t get into a pattern of abusing it after I lost my job (again).
    I’m hoping that I can learn to cultivate my own and continue to self-medicate away from the commercialism of the marijuana industry and societal prejudices.
    I’m happy that you feel that you are doing better without it. For someone like me, however, I wish I could indulge myself whenever and however I wanted. It’s only ever been a good thing for me.
     
    Slayerknightlvl55 likes this.
  9. Davidphd1866

    Davidphd1866 Fapstronaut

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    Glad to hear you guys are reducing your use of weed. Good job!

    As an aside, I find it most ironic that in Los Angeles weed is celebrated, yet the cigarette is castigated.
     
    Slayerknightlvl55 likes this.
  10. Slayerknightlvl100

    Slayerknightlvl100 Fapstronaut

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    Day 19. Pt. 3.

    Hey guys. It's been a while. During relapses I always take time off. That's mostly because after I relapse, I seriously have no energy or enthusiasm to do anything.
    This is the third time around. And so far I'm doing pretty well. The cool thing about streaks is that I develop an abundance mindset. My discipline and drive are through the roof. The flatlines aren't even that severe anymore.

    Another great thing is that I'm writing like I used to when I first started NoFap. I write like a motherfucker now. It's becoming a very enjoyable activity. Of course, as you know I'm still trying to make it in the film industry and the good thing is that my ambition is stronger than ever. I'm also reading a lot more. My goal is to read at least 10 books by the end of the year. I've only read 2 so far. Right now I'm reading about Hannibal Barca. He is one of my heroes.

    I'm slowly becoming more fearless and strong. I workout at least 5 times a week and I'm really taking care of myself. The only problem is sex. I'm in the void and I know what to expect but I'm starting to think if I really need sex at all anymore. I mean, life is so enjoyable and there are so many cool experiences and advertures that I can have. Even though I enjoy sex, I can't seem to remember why I enjoy it so much or why I had placed so much importance in it. Women here in LA seem very egotistical and they aren't as pretty as the women I used to talk to in the past. Maybe that's a good thing. Haha.

    Have you guys felt the same way?
     
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  11. Davidphd1866

    Davidphd1866 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the great update!
     
    Slayerknightlvl55 likes this.
  12. Slayerknightlvl100

    Slayerknightlvl100 Fapstronaut

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    Of course, dude.
     
  13. Slayerknightlvl100

    Slayerknightlvl100 Fapstronaut

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    Day 20. Pt. 3.

    Today I officially started mediating again. It felt good to relax and enjoy taking my tranquillity to another level. Today so many women were giving me looks and wanting to chat me up. Some of them were even with their boyfriends. I wasn't too interested in talking to them though. I still feel as if sex and relationships aren't that big of a deal. The thing that got me was though was how insecure the boyfriends were acting. They act as if without their girlfriends they wouldn't have any value. I felt taken aback by their behavior and then I pitied them.
    One of the things I'm realizing is that the woman doesn't make the man. If your woman leaves you, that doesn't make you less of a man nor does it destroy your identity. You're going to be the same you if she stays or goes.

    Has anyone else been getting extra female attention during their recovery?
     
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  14. Slayerknightlvl100

    Slayerknightlvl100 Fapstronaut

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    Day 26. Pt. 3.

    So, I'm at the point now where the sky is truly the limit. I'm becoming better at dealing with urges and flatlines. I even asked out a really hot chick when me and my buddy went out yesterday. I didn't feel nervous or anxious at all. My buddy got a little envious and tried to talk trash about her but it's like my mind was on a different plane. I didn't really care what he thought.
    I also almost relapsed last night. I had drank a few beers and my buddy and I were watching this show on Netflix called Love, Sex and Robots. We were watching the Hitler episode and I totally got turned on when the episode introduced these four prostitute characters that were actually aliens. The idea of those characters got me very aroused and I couldn't stop thinking about them or the sex scene in the show. I had a hard time falling asleep. I was lucky my buddy was there. He crashed on the couch and it would've been awkward to jerk off with him there.

    Has anyone else seen that show?
     
  15. Slayerknightlvl100

    Slayerknightlvl100 Fapstronaut

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    Day 54. Pt. 3.

    My bad about the delay guys. It's been a crazy month. I'm nearing completion of my business plan I hope to begin my new project at the end of the month.
    Anyway, this is proving to be the second greatest streak of all time! I'm more confident and I'm doing a lot of self-help in order to cope with my past. None of this would've been possible without Nofap of course. I think when you're addicted to pornography, something happens in the brain which prevents you from thinking clearly or solving personal problems.
    This 4th of July however, I almost got into a fight with a gangbanger. It was so stupid. He was trying to shock and scare me with treats but one of the key benefits of nofap is my new-found courage. Don't get me wrong, I was still a bit scared but I wasn't showing it on my face and I was still talking to this thug with confidence. In the end he attempted to attack me but I didn't run and he ended up stopping short. I don't know if he was surprised that I had stood my ground or what- but he stopped and ended up leaving me alone. I've decided to go through with my goal of learning self-defense because of this. I'll start boxing either the end of next week or the week after and I plan to gradually move on to Muy Thai and some Krav Maga. Still, I was super proud of myself for not running away.
     
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